textfiles/humor/COMPUTER/300bps.txt

1-Put it under a door and you have a Door Stop
2-Attach a stick and you have a Snow Plow
3-Put it on a shelf and you have a Book End
4-Put it on top of some papers and you have a Paper Weight
5-Put some powder in it and it is a Bomb Shell
6-Throw it and it is a Baseball
7-There is no #7
8-Put a Satellite Dish on it and you have Great TV reception
9-Put some coils in it and you have a great portable heater
10-Cut some holes and tell your friends you bought it in Holland
11-Attach balloons and it becomes 1 of those things they use to hold Balloons 
12-Sell it to someone as a universal adapter
13-Put a light bulb in it and you have a Decorative Walkway Light
14-Use it as a coaster for your favorite drink
15-Sell it to Lord Melkor and tell him 300BPS is faster then 2400 (inside joke)16-Give it to your Uncle, he'll find something to do with it
17-Hook it on your TV and it is a TV adapter for your Television
18-Sell it as a Black Box.
19-Save water by putting it in the toilet tank!
20-Use it as an anvil
21-Isn't that the age at which you can LEGALLY drink?
22-It could be one of those useless props at a school play
23-Get a hammer and vent your stress out on it
24-Make a few adjustments and turn it into a radio
25-Use the parts to make a board game
26-Make a Nintendo game out of it
27-Put in a processor and sell it as the world's chunkiest computer
28-Take it out when the guests come over and it is a decoration
29-Put it on the Christmas tree and it is an Ornament!
30-Use it as a Saxophone Damper
31-Make it into a parallel port DAC
32-Use it to make a model car
33-Trade it in for a new life
34-Use it as a footrest
35-Take it to sports games and have it signed like a baseball
36-Call up PROTOVISION with it (WarGames the movie)
37-Pad it, cut it, and you have a new pair of knee-pads
38-Isn't that MTV?
39-Use it as a snow sampler
40-Attach it to the Principal's Laptop Computer and say it is a tumor
41-Cut some holes in it and use it as a Disk Store
42-Sell the parts to a techie nerd and make a lot of money
43-Use it to stop your car in an emergency
44-Drop it off a boat with a string and it is an anchor
45-Use it to scan for fish in a lake
46-Make your phone into a speaker phone
47-Take it to your next party and it will be the talk of the town
48-Sell to the Tabloids and say it is possessed by Elvis
49-Use it with your Lego's to make a computer
50-Bang it on your bald head and instantly grow hair
51-Use it as a murder weapon
52-Does there really have to be a number 52?
53-Make some adjustments and it is an EPROM programmer
54-Give it to Ray Charles and tell him it is endless "Uh, huh"
55-Use it to upgrade the warp drive on a constitutional class space vessel
56-Attach some strings and use it as a sled
57-Attach roll bars and it is a dune buggy
58-Use it to keep your dog in place in the yard
59-Threaten your little brother with it
60-Get all of your friend's 300BPS modems and make a house out of them all
61-Make it into a `Radio Flyer' by adding wheels and a pole
62-Need a quick science project? Bring in your modem!
63-Cut a hole and use it as a planter
64-Strap it onto your head and pretend that you are Cadet Stimpy
65-Get a few lenses, some film, and make a movie camera
66-Get a plug, and send some voltage through someone's modem
67-You know how there are `pet rocks'? How about a `pet modem'?
68-Throw it out
69-Sell it to an idiot for $100 and buy yerself a faster modem
70-Put it in the snow and use it as a depth meter
71-Stick it on the wall and call it ART
72-Use it as a stepping stool
73-Put pepper in it and it could be a pepper shaker
74-Cut a hole in it and use it as a cereal bowl
75-Paint it red play bocce (yard game w/heavy balls)
76-If you are Jewish you could strap it on and use it as Tefillin    
77-If you have a big dog, give it to him as a chew toy
78-Cut a hole and put stuff in it
79-Put it in the attic and one day, it may be worth MONEY!
80-Make a DollHouse out of it
81-A window box to put flowers in
82-Make it into a lantern
83-Give it to the neighbors
84-Use it as a subject for painting (still life)
85-Make it into a tunnel for your slot cars
86-Recycle it
87-Put it by the door and call it "Matt"
88-Throw it in the water and call it "Bob"
89-Hang it by the door and call it "Bell"
90-Use it as a booster chair
91-Throw it in the lake
92-Give it to the phone company
93-Bury it
94-Take it to Florida and sell it
95-Shape it into a Wok
96-Take it to an antique shop
97-Paint it all kinds of colors
98-Take it for a walk
99-Put it on a hat and say "Well, what did you expect?"
100-You know that a penny could kill from the top of the World Trade Centers?
Great, THROW THE MODEM!
101-Anything that you want to!