205 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
205 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
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## PH#002 <20><><EFBFBD>Zhit Axis Nation presents<74><73><EFBFBD> W () W ##
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## Blind Faith, No More!! \||/ ##
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## || ##
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## Written by: Guido Sanchez _/ \_ ##
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## Dated: June 15, 1991 ##
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## ##
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## Greet(s) to: Kimo, David Lynch, Hades, Mr. Rogers and ZANists!! ##
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## ##
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## Ying Yang BBS The Baron's Bistro FuNHouseBBS ##
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## ZAN Promised Land ZAN Mosque#001 ZAN Mosque#002 ##
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## SysOp: CoP SysOp: The Baron SysOp: Erasmus ##
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######################################################################
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ThisClaimer: This is for educational, destructional, and anarchical
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purposes..If anything happens to you, I AM responsible... but
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remember I KNOW where you LIVE!!! You can distribute this in any way
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(ZIP, by hand), but DO NOT EDIT THIS file!! If you happen to pull out
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your EDIT prog and work on this, PLEASE leave the opening screen, and
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add your additions at the end of the file...
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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Blind Faith, No More!!!!
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Aren't I Punny??? Hahaha. Well, this is THE Theologistic Text
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File that debunks most every Western Religion and a couple of other
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ones. So if you're going to be offended by this, DON'T READ IT!!!
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Ok??? There. That's my ThatClaimer. So, sorry about the Margins, and
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Onward We Go !!!!!!!
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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Christianity
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Let's start off here on the most pitiful "Religion" (if you can
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call it that) in the world. Yes, Christianity. Well, in my opinion,
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Religion is useless, but Christianity is useful. It makes ZANists
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including myself LAUGH UNTIL THE MESSIAH ARISES, that is to say, laugh
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for eternity. I got news for the Christians: The Messiah Ain't
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Coming!!! He hasn't come, and Never Will!! He was killed by something
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called "A Logical Thought" that said that there is NO proof to Jesus
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Christ's Existence!!! Let's explore now the different types of "proof"
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that a Christian would be likely to give to someone such as I telling
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them that there is no Jesus or God...
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"What about the BIBLE???"
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What ABOUT the Bible?? If you believe in something just because
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you read it in a book, then why not practice that on ALL books?? Let's
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see...Well, that means according to the Great Prophet H.P. Lovecraft
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that there is a Great Demon named Cthulhu whom we should all worship!!
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And what about the Prophet Thomas Clancy?? Should we all get down on
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are knees and pray every day for the coming of the great Messiah-The
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Red October??? This is stupid believing and worshiping everything you
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read in a "book" like the Bible, the Torah, the Koran, the Satanic
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Bible, The Tao of Pooh, etc. Especially when you force it on others.
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"If you keep on saying that, you may burn in Hell!"
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Um...how can I burn in Hell, if I don't even believe in the Place?
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If anyone's seen the movie "Eric The Viking", they might know what I'm
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talking about. The old Christian man COULDN'T go to Valhalla, Asgard,
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or Nifflehiem (hell) and didn't even know he was there because he
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didn't believe in it. I can't burn in hell!!
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"Then you must worship Satan!!"
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Well, for starters, I've read MANY holy books including I Ching,
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The Bible, The Torah, The Koran, and Gleanings From the Writings of
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Ba'ha''ulah (sp??)(The guy who started the Ba'hai faith). In none of
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these books is there ANY mention of a devil EXCEPT for the New
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Testament on which the Christianity belief is based on. I doubt most
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Christians have read the Bible as I have, and I must say that it is
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hilarious. The only being I MIGHT consider to acknowledge is Job who
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says in JOB 10:4 "I am sick of life, sick of it". Does that mean that
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he will burn too??
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"But Jesus LOVES us all!!!"
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Excuse me, but can I just point out one thing? If JESUS loves us
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all SO much, then why did you just say I might burn in hell? Why would
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someone who I don't believe in, but loves me so much let me burn in a
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place I don't believe in and let me experience so much pain that I'd
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be forced to believe in him? Answer me that? Is it, kinda like what our
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parents say, "For your own good" or is it just to "build character"?
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Give me a freakin' break!!!
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At this point the Christian I am arguing with breaks down and
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becomes an atheist like myself. For all of you swinging Atheist
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ZANists: This paper should come in handy when arguing with a Christian
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babe who wants to convert you, and is turned on by "persuasive
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skills". Make as many copies as you can of this and keep one in every
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sock you possess.
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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The Old Testament Religions
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I'm not even going to acknowledge the importance of these two
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religions, and I am lumping them together just to piss them off. To
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all of you Catholics and Jews who read past the ThatClaimer in hopes
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that I would ONLY be writing about Christians: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You
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should have stopped reading then!! Now, you're stuck!!
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Catholicism
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A pathetic religion, but not a pure social religion like
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Christianity. Basically, Catholics are a bunch of Irish people who
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like to get drunk and, like the devil, quote the scripture for their
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own purposes. I think they're the ones who blotted out the 11th
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Commandment ,"Thou shalt not get Plastered". They take their Lord's
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name in vain, but they'll kill you if YOU do. There is no point in
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this religion. On the upside, it IS fun to find a weanie Catholic
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person and torment them endlessly about their father's drinking
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problem. Even if you don't know IF they even have a father, chances
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are it'll get to 'em. Catholicism was my Father's religion before he
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denounced it in High School. He realized that it was a Double Negative
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to call something a Parochial, or Private, School when it was for a
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religion thats name meant "universal". So, a Universal Private school
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doesn't make much sense. If a high schooler doesn't go to a Catholic
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school but is Catholic, chances are good that they'll denounce their
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faith. That time is the perfect time for adultery in young girls, so
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keep on the lookout for High School Catholic Girls. Catholicism isn't
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even FUNNY by itself, and should be avoided at all costs.
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Judaism
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Was founded by the late Uda, who added his name to the
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once-popular religion Jism to produce Judaism. Just kidding, but
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Jewish people are to be avoided at all costs, as is the Religion. They
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CELEBRATE going through puberty! That's great, A Jewish boy having his
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Bar Mitzvah. Listen to him:"Great, I masturbate regularly, I act
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awkward around girls, And I'm growing hair in places I was afraid to
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wash yesterday, and now my parents are throwing me a PARTY!!!!". Same
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for the Girls and their Bat Mitzvah. As a rule, all Jewish girls are
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rich practitioners of incest whom should be shunned. They grow hair in
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more places than males, and have the tendency to be locked up in the
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City Pound for being mistaken for dogs. Stay away from Judaism, and
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its relics: Delicatessans, Yalmakas, and Rolex Watches.
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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SATANISM!!!
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What? think that I'd Leave you out because you're not really a
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religion just a bunch of losers who want to be noticed??? Well, you
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were right!!! I respect you for that!!!!
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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The Eastern Religions
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The more philosophical religions of the far east are not as bad
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as the more outgoing and social religions of the west. There are no
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"Potlucks" or "Collection Plates" in Buddahism or Taoism. There is
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instead Complication and Contemplation. In other words, it's really
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boring except for those who are Ministers of Philosophy and Theology
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for ZAN. They have the Ying and the Yang, the Black and the White,
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unlike the ZANist's Spectrum and Nothing, the Colors of Chaos. These
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religions are for people who are interested by them, or have nothing
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better to do. WARNING: YOU MUST NOT JOIN ANY OF THESE RELIGIONS. DO
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NOT ATTEMPT TO DO SO. DOING SO WILL ALTER THE FABRIC OF THE TIME/SPACE
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CONTINUUM. IT WILL ALSO DISCREDIT ME. They are only for research, and
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are not intended for joining. If I was forced to choose a religion, an
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Eastern one would be my main choice.
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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My Solution!!!
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We the ZANists should take it upon ourselves to round up any
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person who goes to church and SHOOT THEM. HITLER HAD THE RIGHT IDEA,
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he was just singling out one group. All religions deserve to die!!!
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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A Story
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This is a story I thought up when I asked my Father how one would
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go about exterminating all relgion. This was a long while back,so I'll
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try to remember this as accurately as possible...
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One day a spaceship landed in the year 1A0B (hexidecimal). A being
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stepped out proclaiming itself to be GOD of all religions and that
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today was the Judgement Day proclaimed by all religions. All god-
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fearing humans boarded his ship at his request and promise that the
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ship was going to the Promised Land or Heaven or Valhalla or whatever.
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So, all of them were on board, and all atheists and agnostics were
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left on the planet, which would soon become HELL, or so the religious
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people believed. So after 2 days of traveling, the space being ate all
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of the religious people, thus relieving Earth of all religion and
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providing himself with a good meal. He went on to other planets, and
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soon purged the Universe of all religion.
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THE END!!!!!!!
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So, now I hope you know what to do when the Chariot of the Gods
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approaches and asks for the faithful ones. Deny every religion and
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hold tight to the Fragile framework of the Earth's Religion: ZAN.
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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PLEASEE!!!!! Tell me what you think about this manifesto!!! Live Long
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and Zhit!!!!!
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-Guido Sanchez
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MoPZAN
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EoLAAAAA
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]--------------------------------------------------------------------[
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