textfiles/groups/FISH/petpeeve.txt

Yes!  It IS another F.I.S.H. phile!  Hooray for F.I.S.H.!!!

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      Do your neighbors have annoying little dogs that bark their heads
      off any time you step foot outside?  Does your mom feel sorry for
        some scummy white trash bitch and let her stay at your house?  
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                        DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!       
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|============================================================================|
| DISCLAIMER:  As usual, this is for informational porpoises.  Don't do this |
| at home, kids!  blah blah blah  No no  Don't do this junk.  I wrote it to  |
| make you laugh.  Yeah....  that's it!            -Me                       |
|============================================================================|


 Part I.   The cute little woofy-woofys
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   How do you make those annoying neighbor dogs stop barking?

1.  Hose them down with a garden hose
2.  File a complaint with your local humane society
3.  Slip them some meat with lye or drano or some other fun substance 
     on it
4.  Tell your neighbors that if they don't stop barking you'll kill them
5.  Hit them on the head with a hammer - scramble their brain a little
6.  Yell at them until they die
7.  Steal someones cat and throw it over the fence so they chase it
8.  Throw rocks at them until your neighbor comes and yells at you
9.  Set them on fire.  Make it look like an accident 
10.  Run the little beasties over
11.  Kick their cute little heads
12.  Pull their ears off
13.  Accidentally open your neighbors gate and set them free
14.  Stomp on them until they stop squealing
15.  Steal their food so they starve
16.  Sew their mouths shut
17.  Muzzle them
18.  Give them alum
19.  Give them laxatives so they ... in the house
20.  Give them lots of cheese so they can't ... at all
21.  Feed them battery acid
22.  Give them hot salsa

Ok no more...



 Part II.  The stupid scummy bitch
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   How do you rid yourself of her?  Or at least make her life hell.

1.  Put itching powder in her bed
2.  Have your friends egg her car
3.  Have your friends break her cars windows
4.  Have your friends paint her car
5.  Have your friends stick bologna to her car - it rips off the paint
     when it dries.  Taco sauce works well too.  Anything spicy
6.  Phreak off her phone line and run up her bill
7.  Steal her credit cards and her versateller card and steal money
8.  Steal her mail
9.  Read her mail
10.  Burn her mail
11.  Noise box (q.v.) her line
12.  Disconnect her phone line
13.  Beige box her line and listen in on her conversations
14.  Use her conversations against her
15.  Tell her boyfriend she came home with another guy
16.  Eat her mail
17.  Poison her food
18.  Sabotage her cooking when she's not looking
19.  Leave thumbtacks on her carpet
20.  Put vaseline all over the towels in her bathroom
21.  Sneak in the bathroom while she is in the shower and take 
      all the towels.  No peeking, you pervert
22.  Lock her in her room with your own little lock, on the outside
23.  Paint her windows black so she thinks it is nighttime, and 
      reset her clocks
24.  Paint her windows black and turn her power off
25.  Does she smoke?  Give her an exploding cigarette
26.  Put vaseline on the toilet seat
27.  Eat all the food she buys
28.  Torment her cat
29.  Murder her cat.  Watch her cry
30.  Staple her sleeves shut
31.  Glue her sleeves shut
32.  Remove her sleeves
33.  Eat her sleeves
34.  Eat her arms
35.  Put cups of water on top of her door.  Splash!
36.  Hit HER on the head with a hammer - Scramble her brain a little
37.  Root through her room and take something important.  Burn it
38.  Set her room on fire
39.  Set her on fire
40.  Slash her convertible's vinyl top - works well in the rain
41.  The old standby - bananas in the tailpipe
42.  File a complaint with her boss about her - get her fired
43.  Pop her waterbed - watch her go for a swim
44.  Unroll her TP and put ben gay on it and roll it back up
45.  For more scalding fun, put red pepper on the ben gay
46.  Superglue her toothbrush down
47.  Does she have small rodents as pets?  Staple them to their cage
48.  Staple her cats tail down to the floor
49.  Put contact explosives on her floor
50.  Open up the heating duct in her room and leave fine smelling 
      substances in there like:  squid oil, limburger, eggs, a cup
      of urine, dog droppings, her socks
51.  Put dye in her mouthwash
52.  Put some Jell-O in her bed.  Preferably green
53.  Sabotage her birth control - poke pins through her condoms
54.  Does she get that "Not-So-Fresh" feeling?   Add some gasoline!
55.  Use that stinky perfume they have at humor shops and replace hers 
      with it
56.  Feeling daring?  Stab her
57.  Pay some hit guy to run her off the road
58.  Sell her possessions in one of those classified local magazines
59.  Throw her stuff away
60.  Assassin box her phone - the one that shocks you
61.  Put some gun powder in her light bulb so when she turns it on, 
      bye bye filthy whore
62.  Bump into her and spill grape juice on that new white suit
63.  Spike her coffee so she goes to work drunk, or crashes her car
64.  Take up the violin and hit some *awful* notes when you practice
65.  Fill her car up with water and put some goldfish in there
66.  Put sugar in her gas tank
67.  Dig a hole in your front yard and cover it with sod so she falls in
68.  Spikes at the bottom of the hole would be nice
69.  Put balloons behind her tires so she thinks she popped them
70.  Slash her spare tire, then put a nail behind her other tire
71.  Put tigers in her closet
72.  Get Satan to come here and take her soul
73.  Can you tell I'm getting desperate?
74.  Steal her car battery
75.  Pay some guy to do a drive-by.  They blame them on gangs
76.  Or just shoot her yourself.  Make sure she dies!
77.  Play your tuba all night long
78.  Steal all of her unmentionables and set them on fire.  No underwear!
79.  Call your favorite BBSs -- in Tokyo -- from her room
80.  Siphon the gas out of her tank, and use it for your car.  She'll be 
      late for work.  Works more than once
81.  Pee on the toilet seat.  Women hate this
82.  Switch hydrogen peroxide for her listerine.  Doesn't do anything, but
      it tastes like ships
83.  Switch unleaded for her Listerine.  Watch her slowly be eaten away
84.  Or offer to help:  light a match
85.  Staple her eyelids shut
86.  Does she have any hobbies?  Like archery?  Cut her bow string
87.  Is she a total bitch?  sew her mouth shut
88.  I like Ike!
89.  Is she liberal scum?  Register her with the Republicans
90.  Send her junk mail
91.  Send her flowers from another woman
92.  Give her number out in the bathroom stalls at a gas station
93.  Auto-annoyance dial her
94.  Steal a bunch of chickens and put them in her room
95.  Play loud music, but something bonoxious like country or rap
96.  Shave her cat, dye it green, and paint it plaid.  Watch her cry
97.  Plant a bomb in her stuffed animal
98.  Get bones and leave them at her door when your friends come over.
      they will think she is psychotic
99.  Call 911 on her.  Say she is trying to kill you
100.  Run over her cat with a lawnmower
101.  Smash her cat with a steam roller
102.  Open up her car and remove random parts
103.  Clip her fan belt so her car overheats
104.  Let out her power steering fluid
105.  Let out her power brake fluid
105.  Short her battery out
106.  I am sick of talking about her car
107.  Answer her phone and forget important messages
108.  Get all of her stuff and set it up on the front lawn the same way it
       was in your house
109.  Serve her with an eviction notice
110.  Paint her room day-glo green
111.  Is she epileptic?  Shine a strobe light at her and watch her have 
       a seizure
112.  Loosen the bolts in her ceiling fan
113.  Take up bowling.  Drop the ball on her toe
114.  Take up tennis.  Play in her room
115.  Degausse her cheesy tapes
116.  Shove a magnet on her TV screen and watch the pretty colors.  Oops
       didn't mean to leave that purple blotch on her screen
117.  Set her up on a blind date -- with another woman
118.  Set her up on a blind date -- with a sheep
119.  Loosen all the bolts in her car so she drops parts along the way,
        and people yell 'Get a horse!' at her
120.  Ever hear that if you talk nice to plants, they will grow?  Yell and
        swear at them.  They'll die

That's enough!  I'll ask Punk Rock Girl if he wants to add any
                

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