220 lines
8.9 KiB
Plaintext
220 lines
8.9 KiB
Plaintext
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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_ _ _ _
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((___)) ((___))
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[ x x ] cDc communications [ x x ]
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\ / presents... \ /
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(' ') (' ')
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(U) (U)
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The Reel Way
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or
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'How to Win the Ego Wars'
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Written by: The Pusher
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Inspired by: Leper Messiah
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>>> A CULT Publication......1988 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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This file will describe to you how things are done on the local "pirate"
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board, which is full of computer nerds who all live within 20 minutes of the
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BBS.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Section #1- Anarchy
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If the local board does have an "anarchy" section it will probably not
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be anything worth looking at. Rather than posts about explosives, bombs, lock-
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picking, etc... you'll get messages like this:
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POSTER: MR. ANARCHY
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TITLE: ANARCHY NEWS!
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(FIRST, I'D LIKE TO SAY NOT TO TRY THIS UNLESS YOUR AN EXPERIENCED
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ANARCHIST LIKE MYSELF.) I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER.
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HE'S SUCH A FUCKING DICKHEAD! I WAS TALKING TO SOME HOT BABEZ IN CLASS WHEN HE
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TOLD ME TO BE QUIET. I TOLD HIM TO FUCK OFF AND HE KICKED ME OUT OF CLASS. (BUT
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NOT BEFORE I GOT SOME BABEZ #! PHONE SEX!@#@22! YAH!2@!1) I KNEW WHERE HE LIVED
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SO I FELT SORRY FOR HIM! I WAS GOING TO KICK HIS FAGGIT ASS! I WENT HOME AND
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STOLE SOME SHIT OUT OF THE KITCHEN TO MAKE A NITRO-VITRO BOMB! (SEE ADVANCED
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ANARCHY BOARD FOR DETAILS OF THIS. I CAN'T HAVE ANY OF YOU KIDDIES BLOWING
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YOURSELVES UP!!) I WENT UP TO MY ROOM AND MADE THE BOMB WHILE MY MOM THOUGHT I
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WAS STUDYING! (I NEVER STUDY, ONLY NERDZ STUDY! I'M FAILING EVERY CLASS!)
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(Pusher note: Every local loser loves to say they are failing school, when in
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fact, they get A's in everything. By the way, I get straight B's, and I'm damn
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proud of it!) I PUT THE THING TOGETHER, AND STOLE THE KEYS TO MY DADS FERRARI
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AND WENT OUT TO GET SOME BOOZE! AFTER GETTING TOTALLY SMASHED I ZIPPED OVER TO
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MY FAGGIT CHEM TEACHER'S HOUSE. I THREW THE BOMB INTO HIS CAR AND BLEW THE
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WHOLE MOTHERFUCKIN THING UP! WHEN HE CAME OUT TO SEE WHAT THE FUCK WAS
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HAPPENING, I SMASHED HIS FACE WITH A BAT@@! SO YOU SEE, ANARCHY CAN GET RID OF
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ANYONE! LATER ON DUDES,
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MR. ANARCHY
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Uh oh, I wouldn't mess with this guy.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Wection #2- BBS Adds
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On your local geek board, you will never see a BBS Ad like this:
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Elite BBS
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914-xxx-xxx
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Sysop: Elite Man
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That would be too easy for the local. They have to spend a month
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making up BBS adds using "Proterm Special Emulation" which they post at least
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once every time they call. Here's an example.
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THE ELITE HOUSE
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987-654-3210
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SYSOPS: RAD MAN COSYSOPS: THE STUD
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THE PSYCHO DR. PAIN
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THE PREDATOR THE PAINMASTER
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THE DISK SLAVE
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6 DRIVES NOW (40 MEGZ SOON!) 300 BAUD (17400 SOON!)
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NEW WAREZ! COOL SYSOPS!
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FUCKIN AWESOME MODZ! ONLINE GAMES!
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SEX FILES! A STORY SECTION!
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A METALHEDZ, INC. BASE
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Would you call "THE ELITE HOUSE"? Probably not. Of course, you would
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never be able to get on, because the board would be down 5 days a week for
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"NEW MODZ!" [Ed note: Or is the sysop playing "California Raisins?]
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Nection #3- Music
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95% percent of all the locals like MTV p0zer metal. It is impossible to
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call your local "pirate" board without seeing someone say "OZZY RULEZ!" There
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is also always an argument between the "metalheads" and someone who likes new
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wave. None of the local loozes like classic rock, hardcore, or speed/deth/doom
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metal. Check this out...
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POSTER: SATAN'S SON (They often use the title of an "OzZy" song for their name)
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TITLE: WHITESNAKE FUCKIN KIX BUTTT!
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HAVE YOU GOT THE NEW CRUE ALBUM? IT'S SO FUCKING AWESOME. THEY KICK ASS! I
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CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM IN CONCERT. THEY'LL BE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THOSE DEPECHE
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MODE HOMOES. THEY PROBABLY SUCK EACH OTHERS DICK! NIKKI SIX IS LIKE THE
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AWESOMEST GUITARIST AROUND! NEW WAVE SUX! I HEARD A RUMOR THAT OZZY,
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WHITESNAKE, AND BON JOVI ALL DIED IN A PLANE CRASH!
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LATER DUDEZ,
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SATAN'S SON
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(NUMERO UNO CRUE FANO)
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Eection #4- Phreaking
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On every local board, the sysop will leave a message like "ONLY REAL HACKS
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AND PHREAKS CAN HAVE ACCESS TO THE HACK/PHREAK SUB. I DON'T WANT TO GET BUSTED
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BY THE FEDZ!" I think that the Treasury Department is smart enough to realize
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that no real telcom board is called "HACKERS AND PHREAKERS HEADQUARTERS". To
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get access to the "HACK/PHREAK" sub all you have to do is give the sysop a
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code. That's all the messages are on the sub anyway. "FRESH SPRINTS!" with a
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list. But sometimes you might get this message...
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POSTER: MR. PHREAK
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TITLE: SAFE SERVICE
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HEY PHREAKS, IS THERE ANY SERVICE OUT THERE THAT IS 100% SAFE WITH NO
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TRACING?
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This question is asked at least 10 times a day in the U.S. And I just
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love these "Phreak horror stories"...
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POSTER: CODE MEISTER
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TITLE: HOLY SHIT!
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DON'T USE MCI! DON'T USE MCI! DON'T USE MCI! A HEARD THAT THEY'VE GOT THIS
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NEW THING CALLED API. IT'S CALLED AUTOMATIC PHREAK IDENTIFICATION! THE SECOND
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YOU PHREAK A CALL WITH MCI, THEY SEND THE FEDZ OVER TO YOUR HOUSE. SOME GUY IN
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CALIFORNIA GOT A $217,000 DOLLAR PHON BILL! HE'S BUSTED AND I HEAR HE'S NOW IN
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PRISON! ALSO, A PHREAK FRIEND OF MINE WAS USING SPRINT, WHEN SOME OPERATORS
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CAME ON SAID "EAT THIS, YOU LITTLE PUNK!" THEY THEN PLAYED A TONE SO LOUD, THAT
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HE WAS DEAF FOR 5 DAYS!
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HAPPY HACKIN (BE CAREFUL, DUDEZ!)
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CODE MEISTER
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M.P.A.H.S
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(MASTER PHREAKS AND HACKS SOCIETY)
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Bection #5- Wares
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On the local boards, wares are used to get people to call a board, like...
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ULTIMA X IS OUT! ITS FUCKIN AWESOME!
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WE GOT IT AT WARE PALACE ELITE!
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The other type of message you see is the rumor message. These are always
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wrong.
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POSTER: THE ULTIMATE PIRATE
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TITLE: OUT!
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I HEARD THAT GAUNTLET IS OUT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON SOME CALIFORNIA BOARZ!
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IT HAS GRAPHICS JUST LIKE THE ARCADE. YOU CAN EVEN PLAY 10 PEOPLE AT ONCE! I'D
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GET IT AND UPLOAD IT HERE, BUT I HEARD THAT DIGITAL GANG SAID THAT IT IS NOT TO
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BE DISTRIBUTED OUTSIDE CALIFORNIA. KING'S QUEST V WILL BE OUT SOON! I KNOW THE
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AUTHOR AND HE GAVE ME A COPY! I'D UPLOAD IT BUT HE'D BUST ME BIGTIME!
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CHOW,
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ULTIMATE PIRATE
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DEATH BOYS (PROFESSIONAL DISTRIBUTORS)
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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ection #6- Wars
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On good boards, there is no such thing as a "war". They're usually just
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arguments because someone ragged on someone on a crack page. However, the
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locals take this EXTREMELY seriously. Every message is full of threats, and
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challenges to fight (which never happen). Not to mention lots of obscenities.
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POSTER: JOE STRANSIVIK
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TITLE: FUCK YOU FAGGIT!
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YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING LOSER, APPLE KING! I TALKED TO PEOPLE WHO GO TO YOUR
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SCHOOL, AND THEY SAID YOU'RE A MAJOR GEEK. YOU PROBABLY SUCK EVERYONE'S COCK.
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FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! YOU PROBABLY FUCK YOUR MOMMA TOO! YOUR DAD PROBABLY FUCKS
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YOU! I WANNA BEAT THE FUCKIN LIVING FUCK OUT OF YOUR FUCKING BUTTFUCKER FACE! I
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CHALLENGED YOU TO A FIGHT AT THE PARK AND YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP! YOU WERE PROBABLY
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FUCKING YOUR GEEK FRIENDS! FUCKIN FAGGIT BUTTFUCKER! IF I EVER MEET YOU I'M
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GOING TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!
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FUCK YOU, HOMO!
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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"Mom, I just want a Pepsi!"
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Call DRU. Now.
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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Behavior Modification.....806/793-9462 The Dead Zone.............214/522-5321
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Demon Roach Underground...806/794-4362 Dragonfire Private........609/424-2606
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Question Authority........715/341-6516 Pure Nihilism.............517/337-7319
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Tequila Willy's...........209/526-3194 The Metal AE..............201/879-6668
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===============================================================================
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(c)1988 cDc communications by The Pusher 12/30/88-91
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All Rights Worth Shit
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