111 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
111 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... How The Grendel Stole Christmas
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by Annie
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>>> a cDc publication.......1994 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____
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|____digital_media____digital_culture____digital_media____digital_culture____|
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The moon gyrated like the jewel in a belly dancer's midriff. It wiggled
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and winked in its orbit around the earth.
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Grendel sailed past the moon, perched on a gigantic aluminum baseball bat.
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Grendel saluted the wobbling orb, adjusting a stocking hung over one shoulder.
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The bat turned east and dipped down toward the earth, headed for an island off
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the shores of New York City.
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"God, I love this job."
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- x X x -
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Grendel waved the stocking, which was heavy and lumpy with booty.
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"And what do *you* want for Christmas?"
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The inmate stared, hypnotized no doubt by the fierce energy radiating from
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within the red, double-breasted suit, the sheen in Grendel's eyes. "I... uh-"
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"NO. What do you *really* want? What need is so significant that you
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gladly laid down your WORLD and drew a knife across its throat? You're
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NOTHING!" Grendel roared. "So what are you nothing *without*?" Grendel leaned
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forward and breathed in the inmate's face. Softly: "Tell me the key to your
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rage."
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The inmate paled, shook. "I want a vault of sky." The prisoner looked at
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Grendel's face and swallowed. "An autumn sky in a big vault, with a lock and a
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key and a combination, so I'll know it's always there for me." By way of
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explanation, he muttered, "I lost it when I was a child, and I haven't been
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able to find it since."
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"So let me see if I understand. Your brother locked you in a shed?"
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The inmate's jaw went slack. "How...?"
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"And it was autumn, with the sky blushing blue - embarrassed by the
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shocking colors of the rolling forests?"
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The inmate nodded dumbly.
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"And you screamed and kicked and cried, but he wouldn't let you out of the
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shed. So you dug a hole under the door, but by the time you got out, it was
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dark outside. And the sky has never been so blue again."
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Grendel reached into the stocking. "Pathetically significant. You people
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need to lighten up, smash some fine china, relax a little. You get..."
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Grendel's arm sank deeper, finally surfacing with "...a can of Hormel
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Microwaveable Chili. Merry Christmas, my friend. NEXT!"
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And so it went:
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"Aw. You've always wanted to dress up in women's shoes with stiletto
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heels? Why, you get this pointy, dangerous Christmas tree ornament!"
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"You say your mother beat you with a walking stick? Here's a candy cane."
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"Twizzlers for the man who didn't pay his parking tickets!"
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Each gift more dazzlingly inappropriate than the last.
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A paste-on tattoo. A glow-in-the-dark rubber lizard. A nine-foot paper
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garland in an impossibly small package.
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At last the stocking was empty.
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"It's been a lovely time. But if I don't leave now, my bat will turn into
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a jagged-edged pumpkin knife. Hell of a way to travel."
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- x X x -
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And they heard Grendel exclaim, as the bat faded from sight, "Next year I
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think I'll try San Quentin."
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_______ __________________________________________________________________
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/ _ _ \|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Kingdom of Shit.....806/794-1842|
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((___)) |Cool Beans!..........415/648-PUNK|Polka AE {PW:KILL}..806/794-4362|
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[ x x ] |Metalland Southwest..713/579-2276|ATDT East...........617/350-STIF|
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\ / |The Works............617/861-8976|Ripco ][............312/528-5020|
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(' ') | Save yourself! Go outside! DO SOMETHING! |
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(U) |==================================================================|
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.ooM |Copyright (c) 1994 cDc communications and Annie. |
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\_______/|All Rights Reserved. 12/01/1994-#291|
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<EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
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