163 lines
6.2 KiB
Plaintext
163 lines
6.2 KiB
Plaintext
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Anarchy Inc. ...Presents...
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The Pet Rock Files!
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From The Prophet's Forum <17>
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of The Haunted House (415) 941-7256
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* Msg by: A Modem User (#014)
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* Posted: Mon Oct 14 3:40 PM
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"MY PET ROCK"
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A thesis by: A Modem User
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My pet rock's name is George. He is very neat. He is a lovely shade of gray.
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He listens to my every command, especially "Stay". He does not eat or make
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messies around the house. When I get mad I throw him at people. He is my
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buddy.
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* Msg by: Raat Tank (#306)
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* Posted: Mon Oct 14 5:10 PM
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"THEY DO"
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a BS report by Raat
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The Reproduction of Pet rocks is difficult, and nearly impossable. It involves
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two rocks gettin' together and doing 'something naughty'.
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The first rock (for scientific purposes we call the rocks A and B), rock A, must
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somehow get on top of rock B. This is usualy accomplished by:-
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1.) Your mother cleans up your room and puts the rocks on top of each other, 'so
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she can dust'.
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2.) You are feeling 'excited' and decide to put one rock on top of the other for
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kicks no I don't think so either
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3.) The third and most uncommon is that the rocks roll off the table and land on
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each other.
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Then rock A (who is on top) tries and tries to chip himself ( This is done by by
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rock A moving back and forth on top of B really vigorously ) Once he has chipped
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himself he will fall off rock B and lie panting on the floor.
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Rock B, now somehow absorbs the chip of rock A (The scientists of the National
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Enquirer are still researching how) and then begins 'breakdown'
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Breakdown: this is what happens after the rock absorbs the chip of the other
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rock....If ya didn't guess already.
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after the chip is absorbed it is broken dow into smaller chips by rock B's
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'grinder'. The small chips then preceed through rock B's internal pu...cat,
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(throat clearing sound) and into the rockerus, here the chips begin to struggle
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up the Rockiducts to reach the Rockary. When and if, the chips get to the
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Rockary, they then try and break through the Rockcell and if they do (very
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unlikely 'cause the Rockcell is made of granite) the Rockcell rolls down the
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Rockiducts and comes to rest in the Rockerus, where it grows and expands. After
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2 months the baby rock is shaped and after about 950 grueling months, the baby
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rock is conceived. This usually causes Rock B to break (or in human terms
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..die) If the momma rock dies then baby rock goes to an orphanage and waits to
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be picked up and carried home. These orphanages are called 'beaches' and
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'quarries' in human terms. Baby Rocks reach adulthood in approxiamtely 200
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years.
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>>==-->RT<--==<<
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* Msg by: The Saracen (#294)
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* Posted: Mon Oct 14 9:14 PM
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What is the most interesting, or innovative trick you have pet you're
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Pet Rock?
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I taught mine to ATTACK. So far, I haven't used it much, and unfortunately, he
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still needs a little help in this field. Also, making a Pet Rock ATTACK too
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much will cause it to chip and maybe get pregnant (as stated in above
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msgs)...Please use this command with care! there are already enough abandoned
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Pet Rocks out there! Did you know that many people actually take their Pet
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Rock, once it is past the 'cute' pebble stage, and set it free in fields or
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mountanous areas. Some people just leave them on the road. Not only is this
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dangerous to the poor defenseless rock, but passing cars may suffer, depending
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on the size of the pet. In closing, let me state...NEVER let a young child go
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unsupervised around a Pet Rock trained to ATTACK, most children are prone to
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making the pet rock attack such fragile items as windows, and their best
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friends...So, remember, a Pet Rock is only as harmful as the one who trains
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him...Thank You...K-bye
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Saracen...
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-BfB-
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* Msg by: Sir Hydra (#198)
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* Posted: Mon Oct 14 9:27 PM
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Sorry, whoever posted that theory on rock reproduction. A more correct and
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accurate theory:
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Rocks slowly accumulate dust, from moving air currents. When they get big
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enough, and are told to "Attack", eventually, they chip (fission).
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If you leave an abandoned pet rock long enough, it will grow into a mountain,
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then into a tectonic plate, and eventually, will reproduct massively through
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lava pressure from the core. Thus, it is not recommended that you leave your
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pet rock unattended for periods longer then 1 geological era.
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I hope that's settled the issue. One other thing- yes, you can tell rocks
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to "attack", but it requires assistance in the form of YOU. Now, should we
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instigate rock control? Remember: a rock is as dangerous as its owner.
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On the other hands, if rocks are outlawed, only outlaws will have rocks.
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Sir Hydra
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* Msg by: Iz Ugily (#303)
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* Posted: Mon Oct 14 11:59 PM
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Don't seem to like me very much, they always try and run away. I guess that
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they just can't relate to me, I just don't get stoned often enough anymore..
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learned all sorts of useful 'tricks'. Not only did I teach him to 'ATTACK' but
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I taught him to come back by yelling the command 'DICK- HEAD!' It always seemed
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to work, but he couldn't control his affection. By the way, he and Sandy just
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had a baby, Pebbles...
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Iz
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* Msg by: The Watcher (#313)
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* Posted: Tue Oct 15 2:38 PM
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Train your pet rock to Smash, Guard and Dent.
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Smash: Rocks can do this quite well. I trained my rock (may God rest his soul)
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to Smash. Whenever I gave the command, he would fall off the shelf or table he
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was sitting on and smash whatever was underneath. One day, I mistakenly told h
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him to smash, forgetting that he was on the ledge of a 20-story window.
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Guard: Another pet rock that I had could do this very well. I kept him around
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t my desk, and he would guard all those loose papers that were lying around.
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Un- fortunately, my parental unit decided to clean my desk once when I was on va
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vacation.
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Dent: I have trained my current pet rock to dent things. He can put a fairly
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good-sized dent in an an enemy's car or front door, like he did to the vice-
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principal's car once. I hear that it cost around $500 to fix that...
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*={ tW }=*
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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