115 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
115 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
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Anarchy, inc. ..Presents you with......
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A rather unusual monograph...
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C H A K : T H E U N S P E A K A B L E
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by Someone Else
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Frothing at the armpit in extreme discomfort, Chak the Unspeakable
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noisily farted, filling the already unbreathable air with a foul smelling
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ammonia compound. Its body slowly metamorphosing into a dull yellow with
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embarassment, a pseudopod equipped with bulging eyeballs extended itself to
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check the reaction of its subservients. Good; not a one outwardly seemed to
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notice, other than an occasional expulsion of half-digested foodstuffs from
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the stomach on to the floor, which promptly absorbed it. As if with a mind of
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its own, a bluish-purple mass connected to the body by a thin white tube,
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dripping lightish-green mucous (which of course, the floor promptly absorbed),
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unconcernedly continued to busy itself, slurping away on a grayish half-liquid
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soup of human brain tissue and bone marrow squirted up from a nearby feeding
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node; completely oblivious to the occurrence.
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Goo, foul-smelling and purplish, dribbled down from an open panel in the
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ceiling and collected into a reeking puddle of jello, which promptly congealed
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into a massive purple brainlike structure. Optic nerves were constructed,
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olfactory apparatus made, vocal cords built; it could now see, smell, and
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talk, even though it still exuded yellow cranial fluid all over the hungry
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floor and generally looked and smelled like digested lunch left in the large
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intestine.
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"Gods, the smell! Who farted?" The menials, detaching eyeballs from
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their various tasks, looked at one another in a combination of fear and secret
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humor. Chak turned the color of stale urine in embarassment once again. The
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latest arrival in the room lost its control and melted down into a puddle of
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glop, this time brown. Moving fast to keep from getting sucked under by the
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floor, it took almost thirty seconds to reconstruct the vocal apparatus again,
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and when it did, its voice bristled with rage.
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"You! You'll be demoted for that, I promise! Now where are the lab
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results you promised me four hours ago?"
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Chak sputtered, spraying the room with sticky salivary fluid. "I...I
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don't know, sir, they're still in the lab. I'll have them hurry up if you
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wish, sir."
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A tentacle burst out of the purple brain-like thing on the floor, grabbed
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a nearby cutting tool, and severed Chak's feeding tube with an audible tearing
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sound. Gray muck sprayed the floor. The mass of flesh, once the part of Chak
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feeding on the human brain tissue, piteously whined for a few seconds, then
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flopped over, turning black and splitting open, digestive ichor and intestine
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spilling out over the control panel and floor. Chak threw up.
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Alarm bells rang, the bridge of the starship hummed into activity.
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"What is it?" the brain cried out.
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One of the menials, arms and tentacles extended to operate the scanning
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controls, answered the question.
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"We're tracking an intruding spacecraft, human design. They
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are...unaware of us, sir."
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"Good. Our antidetection setup is working, then. Follow them, see what
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they're up to. They may be a private craft, but we don't know that."
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Chak managed to heal himself by now, sealing off the offending feeding
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tube leaking a mixture of bone marrow, brain tissue, and excrement. Another
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node soon began growing.
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"You, Chak, call engineering and get a crew ready. We're going to dock
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in a couple of days."
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Toxic green smoke and the smell of rotting garbage filled the air as
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several large sacks of rotten ground beef searched the darkened corridors for
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the remaining two human crew members, untouched in the initial invasion. As
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this was to have been their sleep period, they had been cut off and left in
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ignorance when the ship was boarded and taken captive. They were, however,
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not sleeping. They had felt the jarring collision and knew they were being
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boarded, so they holed up in the armory, preparing for a fight.
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The first two had been captured quite easily, as they were in the control
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room, and wore only their sidearms. A short gunbattle and they now stood
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immobile, encased in stasis fields.
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Chak flopped in, fouling the air to smog alert status, burbling to
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himself in a businesslike manner and actually doing his equivalent of laughing
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when he saw the two humans in stasis. A feeding head started dripping
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digestive enzymes on the floor (eating through it) until one of his tentacles
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bashed it in the mouth. It retracted itself and Chak was then able to give
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orders. One of his subservients was stupid enough, however, to speak first.
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"We got 'em all, master. What shall we do now?"
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The luckless wight exploded, coating the walls and ceiling with barbecued
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shit. Chak holstered his blaster.
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"Why is everyone so stupid around here? Vessels like these carry crews
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of four." He pointed to two others. "You and you go find them. Check the
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armory first, that is, if you can find it."
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The two in the armory were duly found and reinforcements called up, as
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the humans were ready for them. In the furious gunbattle that followed, Chak
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executed another of his officers for accidentally killing one of the enemy.
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"Idiot! I want them ALIVE!"
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The other one was encased in a stasis field and Chak, hungry after an
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exciting battle, made his way over to the fallen human and extended a small
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tentacle, equipped on the tip with a small octopus-like sucker. Attaching
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itself firmly to the eyeball, Chak unconsciously applied a small amout of
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pressure to his appendage. With a faint pop the whitish globe emerged,
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trailing an inch or two of optic nerve. A stronger yank seperated this from
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the brain. His officers watched in rapt fascination and ill-concealed en
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vy as
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he placed it near his feeding mouth, which snapped at it with a surprising
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ferocity. In silence, he finished off the eyes, drilled through the skull,
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and started scooping out the brain. The rest of it, including the testicles
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(in spite of everything, he was in a good mood), he left for the others.
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(c) 1986 Anarchy, Inc.
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"The Textfile People..."
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