86 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
86 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
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Yet another computer glossary...
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(There are a zillion of these computer glossaries floating around, but
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this one was actually amusing.}
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Thanks to RASTAMAN JA for contributing this text file.
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beta test, v.
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To voluntarily entrust one's data, one's livelihood and one's
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sanity to hardware or software intended to destroy all
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three. In earlier days, virgins were often selected to beta
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test volcanos.
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bit, n.
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A unit of measure applied to color. Twenty-four-bit color
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refers to expensive $3 color as opposed to the cheaper 25
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cent, or two-bit, color that use to be available a few years
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ago.
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buzzword, n.
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The fly in the ointment of computer literacy.
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clone, n.
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1. An exact duplicate, as in "our product is a clone of their
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product." 2. A shoddy, spurious copy, as in "their product is
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a clone of our product."
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enhance, v.
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To tamper with an image, usually to its detriment.
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genlock, n.
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Why he stays in the bottle.
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guru, n.
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A computer owner who can read the manual.
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handshaking protocol, n.
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A process employed by hostile hardware devices to initate a
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terse but civil dialogue, which, in turn, is characterized by
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occasional misunderstanding, sulking, and name-calling.
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italic, adj.
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Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases. Unique to
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Western alphabets; in Eastern languages, the same phrases are
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often slanted to the left.
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Japan, n.
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A fictional place where elves, gnomes and economic
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imperialists create electronic equipment and computers using
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black magic. It is said that in the capital city of
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Akihabara, the streets are paved with gold and semiconductor
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chips grow on low bushes from which they are harvested by the
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happy natives.
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kern, v.
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1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
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of corn. 2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
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metal object used as part of the monetary system.
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modem, adj.
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Up-to-date, new-fangled, as in "Thoroughly Modem Millie." An
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unfortunate byproduct of kerning.
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pixel, n.
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A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen
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displays. The computer industry has frequently borrowed from
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mythology: Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the
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demons in artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the
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marketing department.
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prototype, n.
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First stage in the life cycle of a computer product, folowed
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by pre-alpha, alpha, beta, release version, corrected release
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version, upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc. Unlike its
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successors, the prototype is not expected to work.
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revolutionary, adj.
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Repackaged.
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Unix, N.
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A computer operating system, once thought to be flabby and
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impotent, that now shows a surprising interest in making off
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with the workstation harem.
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[Downloaded from NAC JACK BBS - thanks to Hexen Hammer]
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