textfiles/bbs/loserusr.txt

                                                           Section:  2 of 6
                                                           Released: Dec 11,'85

Part 2: The Traits of a Loser.

    We will take the  groupings one by one,  and discuss the signals  prevalent
within each category. There  are many things that  will give a loser  away, and
its virtually impossible to cover them all, however I will try...

Type A: The BBS Loser

    The most important  part of the  general BBS loser  is that he  (she?!) has
absolutely no brain  whatsoever. This lack  of grey matter  expresses itself in
many ways, and thus there are perhaps more examples of something that indicates
a LoserUser in this category than any other. Unfortunately, the lack of a brain
precludes  these  social  outcasts  from  being  able  to understand (much less
perform) many of the basics of BBSing.

    Firstly,  these  people  cannot  understand  instructions. Now, perhaps you
cannot quite grasp the severity of what this means! Think of all the places  in
a BBS where people are asked to follow rules, both explicitly and implicitly.

a) Logging on for the first time, it  is the norm for users to be subjected  to
   some sort of a message which they cannot interrupt, outlining the "rules" of
   the  BBS.  Apparently,  LoserUsers  never  read  this message, and use their
   ignorance as  a crutch  when a  sysop gets  pissed off  at their  failure to
   comply with the regulations of the system.

   Sysop: What the hell is wrong with you, you moron? Didn't you read the
          RULES?! It says "No Aliases". Can you understand that, or are you
          saying that your name is REALLY "Psycho Clam"?
   Loser: Hello?
   Sysop: YES!! Can you read?
   Loser: Ya
   Sysop: What did the rules say about aliases?
   Loser: I dunno
   Sysop: Why not?
   Loser: I didnt see nothin on aliases
   Sysop: It says  "NO ALIASES". Wouldn't you say that that means that you
          can't read?
   Loser: Well I didnt see it ok
   Sysop: Obviously. If you must, call back and log on again. This time try to
          read the rules.
   * Connection terminated *

b) Losers  seem to  have EXTREME  difficulty entering  their phone numbers. How
   this is so difficult has always and continues to baffle me. Remember,  don't
   let it bother you. Its all a  part of the LoserUser scheme to drive  us into
   the asylum THEY used to be in. Here's a classic example:

   BBS:   Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
   Loser: (hits return)
   BBS:   Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
   Loser: (hits return)
   BBS:   Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
   Loser: 000-0000
   BBS:   Incorrect format
          Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
          =--> Sysop interrupts...
   Sysop: Whats your problem? Do you know what a phone number is?
   Loser: Ya
   Sysop: Do you know what your phone number is?
   Loser: 545-6754
   Sysop: Ok, so enter it. And remember to enter your area code.
   BBS:   =--> Chat ended
          Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
   Loser: 545-6754
   BBS:   Incorrect format
          Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
          =--> Sysop interrupts...
   Sysop: Holy shit! Do you know what an "area code" is?
   Loser: Ya
   Sysop: So put in your area code! Now whats your phone number?
   Loser: 545-6754
   Sysop: With your AREA CODE!
   Loser: 416-545-6754
   BBS:   =--> Chat ended
          Enter your phone number: A/C-###-####
   Loser: 545-6754
   * Connection terminated *

c) Perhaps one of  the most common displays  of the inability to  read comes in
   the posting of messages.  How many times have  you seen people try  to end a
   message with "done", "/e", "/ex", "/es", ".s" when it clearly says that  you
   should use  "/s" to  "send" the  message? Even  worse is  the guy  who after
   trying 2 or 3 of the  above, just starts hitting <Return> until  the message
   is full. These messages are hard to read as the text scrolls off the  screen
   before you have a chance to read it all. But then again, being written by  a
   loser, it's probably to your benefit that you couldn't read it.

   Then, of course,  so often messages  posted in a  conference deal with  some
   topic which plainly should be posted in some other conference. Again,  these
   losers  just  don't  seem  to  understand  that the title of the conferences
   should somehow give them an idea  of where to post something. Then,  there's
   the loser who  posts the same  message on 3  different conferences, just  to
   make sure all the  losers read it (losers  often aren't even aware  that the
   other conferences exist, let alone what they're for).

d)  Now,  invariably,  sysops  find  themselves  chatting  with losers. This is
   perhaps the single most difficult and taxing chore of running a BBS. A solid
   loser can drive  you to drink  at the best  of times, and  force you into  a
   state of temporary  insanity at worst  (to date, thank  God, we still  don't
   know of any  sysops who committed  suicide following a  chat with a  loser).
   Firstly, losers must be taught that  it is "chat" protocol to leave  a blank
   line  between  what  they  say,  to  indicate  that they are finished saying
   whatever and are now waiting for a reply. Chatting with a loser is so boring
   and frustrating  because of  the speed  he's typing  at, without  making the
   sysop  decide  whether  or  not   the  gumby  has  finished  typing.   Next,
   understanding a  loser is  sometimes a  difficult chore.  The loser seems to
   have his own vocabulary. Essentially, they use many words which are  obvious
   misspellings of regularly used words. The only theory I've been able to come
   up with that  accounts for this  bizarre behaviour is  that they do  this to
   cover up the fact  that they make spelling  mistakes every 5 or  6 words, so
   this way you're never sure if he misspelled it, or whether its just  another
   part of his regular "vocabulary". Remember that losers (based on the  number
   of  times  they  select  the  main  menu  as their command) have a hard time
   remembering the 20 or so options available to them on the BBS, let alone the
   English language. Chatting  with one of  these people is  similar to talking
   with a caveman (or Arnold  Schwartzenegger; only difference is that  Arnie's
   smart... He carries a gun with him so no-one bothers him, and he never  logs
   onto a BBS). What is really disturbing are situations where you heap sarcasm
   and criticism on a loser, and he doesn't even realize it! An example:

   Sysop: Good day. What did you want to ask me?
   Loser: Wow, are u the sysop?
   Sysop: No, I'm the zit on your face.
   Loser: Iv never talk to sysop be4. This is awesum!
   Sysop: Whatever. What do you want?
   Loser: How do i get more acces to the BBS?
   Sysop: If you contribute, call regularily, and prove yourself worthy of a
          higher access level, you'll get it.
   Loser: So what button do i push?
   Sysop: What?!
   Loser: How do i get acces?
   Sysop: You don't.
   Loser: Howcum?
   Sysop: Cause I said so.
   Loser: Ok. But like can i get more time on the BBS?
   Sysop: No.
   Loser: Oh. U r a k00l d00d thow cant i get to do more stuff?
   Sysop: No. Listen I have to split. Talk to you later.