139 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
139 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
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Here are some things to do when you're in a less than happy mood:
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Free your spider collection.
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Grab someone's nose and don't let go.
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Threaten bunnies.
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Tailgate.
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Short-sheet the bed.
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Gnash your teeth.
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Drive at 25 mph on the freeway.
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Snore loudly.
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Bite people.
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Take the last cookie.
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Jam the pay toilet door.
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Put gummy stuff inside books.
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Plant ragweed.
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Feign serious illness.
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Unscrew the salt shaker lid.
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Spraypaint someone's fluglehorn.
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Drop bugs on passersby.
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Walk on the dinner table.
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Step on some feet.
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Pour honey in someone's hair. When they are visiting an ant farm.
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Tickle people with a branch of poison ivy.
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Soap windows.
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Pour honey in the mailbox.
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Don't water the plants.
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Dilute her martini. With a brick.
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Rake the leaves into your neighbor's yard.
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Let your shirttail hang out.
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Put your sneakers in the refrigerator.
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Breed rats.
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Ignore everybody.
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Go to the grocery and squish the fruits.
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Butter the floor.
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Dropkick a poodle.
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Pull wings off flies.
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Don't clean up after making your peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
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Trip a grandmother.
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Turn on the sprinkler at a lawn party.
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Clog the sink.
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Ruin the punchline.
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Be obnoxious.
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Spread vicious rumors.
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Put Superglue(TM) on the keycaps.
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Enroll your friends in record clubs.
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Don't use deodorant.
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Use all the hot water.
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Reveal the petticoats.
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Call somebody up at 3am.
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Don't wipe your feet.
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Stick your hand in the clam dip.
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Talk gibberish during serious conversation.
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Conduct an empirical test to find the strength of your host's glasses.
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Shout in the library.
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Forget your mother's birthday.
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Toss babies.
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Burp.
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Stare at somebody.
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Break something.
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Snore in a church.
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Spray-paint someone's eyeglasses.
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Paint your house chartreuse with pink trim.
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Stomp through the flower bed.
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Carry a pork chop in your pocket for three weeks.
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Sing at the dinner table.
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Poke people.
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Don't leave a tip.
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Cut the clothesline.
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Scream in the dentist's office.
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Put ink in the White-Out bottle.
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Eat onions.
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Stand in front of the TV.
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Bite people.
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Sneak up on people.
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Put piranhas in the swimming pool.
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Stray into other people's snapshots.
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Practice "Chopsticks" with the windows open.
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Teach someone tape-based batch Fortran.
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Don't buy any Christmas presents.
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Reveal the ending.
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Leave a cow on your neighbor's porch.
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Litter.
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Drop your hors d'oeuvre and grind it into the carpet.
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Point at people.
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Put stones in all the shoes.
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Smoke large black cigars.
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Scratch someone's favorite record.
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Squirt water through your teeth.
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Never remember anyone's name.
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Clip your toenails in public.
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Throw waterbombs.
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Hoard overdue library books.
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Wake someone up violently.
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Eat someone else's lunch.
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Demoralize your friends.
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Deliver lectures on abstinence and temperance.
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Take up two parking places.
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Press all the buttons in the elevator.
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Say "I can do that better than you."
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Leave a ring in the bathtub.
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Put salt in his contact-lens solution.
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Constantly interrupt.
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Encroach on someone's turf.
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Don't wipe your feet.
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Use all the toilet paper.
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Scrape your fingernails across the blackboard.
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Wake up a professor.
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Go wild with shaving cream.
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Saw the leg off a chair.
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Write insincere love letters.
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Snitch.
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Throw a tomato.
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Don't train your Doberman.
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Eat sloppily.
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Throw your chewing gum on the floor.
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)
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& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
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Rat Head Ratsnatcher 510-524-3649
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Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
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realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 415-567-7043
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Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 415-583-4102
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Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
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arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
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insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.
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Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
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where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
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"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
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X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
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