100 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
100 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
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Anarchy inc. ...proudly presents...
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------------ =- The Lord Omega School of =-
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-= Terrorism -=
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written by: >=< Lord Omega >=<
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Welcome, to the Lord Omega School of Beginning Terrorism. You will find that,
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in a very short time, terrorism is a fun an profitable career that almost
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anybody can do. First, we'll assume that you have no money. (After the cost of
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this class, you sure won't!) So, we'll start off cheap...
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Chapter one: Dress to Kill
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Clothing is a very important thing in a good terror- ist. You will notice
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that all of the recognized pros (ie, Fidel Castro, Yasir Arafat, Alexander Haig)
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all have their own special styles. But the main one we will be talking about is
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the standard olive drab uniform since it is the most used. As I said, I'll
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prepare you with almost no money. What you will be supplied with is a pair of
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olive drab pants, jacket, and canteen. Another important article of clothing is
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the headband. Face it, when have you seen a convincing terrorist without one?
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(On that note, when have you seen a terrorist...couldn't resist...dD) Some
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schools recommend a khaki one, but I prefer a nice shade of olive again. You
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must tie it around you hair and let at least 4-6 inches of cloth dangle after
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you have tied it. Any less and you will be recognized as a beginner and will
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probally be immediately shot. If you put a lot more cloth on it, then other
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terrorists will think you are pretentious and stuck up. Once again, you will
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probally be shot. For shoes, pretty much any brand will do in combat boots, but
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don't get an expensive "Macy's" pair since people will just laugh at you. Oh,
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remember: Make sure that all of the clothes are permanently soiled, and a
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little bit baggy.
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Chapter two: Weapons
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Let's face it, a good terrorist needs something to kill with, eh? You will be
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supplied with Army issue .45 caliber handguns at graduation, and a full
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bandoleer. This, however is only a temporary substitute. You will need to get
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a better weapon, preferably something fully automatic and big, for that matter.
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Fitting nicely in this catagory is the M-60. The gun can tear apart a building
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in seconds, and does wonders to enemies. (Think of what it could do to Matt
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Ackeret! ...dD) The only problem with it, is that it weighs about 53 pounds,
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empty. and about 63 lbs with a full banana clip. So, if you are a wimp, stick
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with a smaller gun. The best way to get an M-60 is to see someone who is
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carrying one and ask if you can borrow it. If he does not agree, kill him. If
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he agrees, kill him anyway, because only a stupid terrorist would give someone
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else his gun, and besides, he probally deserves to die anyway.
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Chapter three:Transportation
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This is a short chapter. All graduates will be supplied with a plane ticket
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to either the Mid-East, or any of the Central American countries. When you get
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there, go and steal a jeep. I recommend jeeps for transports since they are
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fast, and somewhat quiet. You can also mount your M-60 on a gun turret, and cut
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up pedestrans if you wish. Tanks are too difficult to steal, and they have a
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tendency to kill you when you stand in the road to get them to stop. Jeeps are
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also very fuel-econimical. They will do about 20 mpg city, 15 in the jungle.
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Chapter four: Which side?
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Well, it doesn't really matter which side you are on, as long as you get paid.
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That's what you came here for, didn't you? Terrorists tend to be paid best by
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the United States. But, it's been stated that Cherinkov is making the trade now
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very competitive. Who knows, in the future, he might be out-bidding the U.S...
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Chapter five:Conclusion
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------------
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Well, this may help you in your preparations for a fun-filled career of
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terrorism. If you chose to go to the Lord Omega School, you can apply for a lot
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of giverment grants, since we are widely recognized. We have a 97% placement
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record for our gratuates, and the government is still looking for more. This is
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the time! Go for the gold, and be what YOU want to be.
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[Editor's Note: Anarchy inc. is not responsible for you, if you go out into
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the world of terrorism, without taking classes from the Lord Omega School of
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Terrorism. We are not Blue Cross, we ignore all lawsuits, and any comments,
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questions, or otherwise will be answered by the Moon Roach. Thank you, and have
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a good bloody life.]
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Anarchy inc. "We take care of our own."
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Founded mcmlxxxiv by the Daredevil The Daredevil, Lord Omega, The Sheik, A
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Modem User, Surf Rat, The Moon Roach, Havoc The Chaos, Dark Shadow, Torqa Dun,
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Alexander of Atlantis, Ruby Tuesday, Teeny Bopper, Ronald S. VanZuylen, Eric C.
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Thompson, The Anarchist, Someone Else.
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Coming Soon: Advanced Terrorism, the protocol of killing.
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by Lord Omega
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For more information on this terrorism class,
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write to:
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The Lord Omega School of Terrorism
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930 Amador
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Sunnyvale, Ca. 94086
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(408) 732-1079
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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