87 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
87 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
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|o| How not to Make Friends & Annoy People |o|
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|o| By: |o|
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|o| ]> The Razor <[ |o|
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\----------------------------------------------------------/
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/-----------\
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| Teenagers |
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\-----------/
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Now to keep this straight, this section is to describe to teenagers how not to
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make friends & annoy people.
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1) When meeting a new friend's parents, ask your friend what their first names
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are and then call his parents by them from that point on.
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2) Before going out on a really heavy date, eat a pepperoni, onion, garlic, &
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sprinkled with red & green peppers pizza.
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3) Invite your friends over, and then charge them rent per hour. If they
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make phone calls charge them 20 cents each.
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4) Start to flirt with your best friend's girlfriend.
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5) At a Sweet-Sixteen party hand out pamphlets about stopping abortions, also
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spike the punch with Vodka.
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6) If you find that your worst neighbor's dog has escaped on a very hot day,
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chain him to a tree and put a bowl of water a few inches out of its reach.
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You may also chain it to a tree in someone else's yard.
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7) Spread around rumors that there will be a free beer-bash at your neighbors
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house. You should hand out pamphlets also to attract a larger crowd.
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8) If your neighbors have an outdoor phone jack, then plug in your phone and
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make all the long-distance phone calls you like. You won't get traced
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either. You may also do this with electrical outlets also.
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9) Beat and tie up your neighbor's pet, then call the Humane Society.
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10) If your neighbors have gone on vacation, then turn on all their outdoor
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faucets on full blast.
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11) If you are lucky enough to get in your neighbor's house, remove a
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light-bulb, take a hyperdermic needle full of gasoline and then squeeze
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the gas into the light-bulb, and replace it. Get out of the room quick.
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12) Put some Sugar in your neighbor's gas tank of their car.
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13) Put a "For Sale" sign in front of their house while they are on vacation.
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Remember to put your phone number to make the sale.
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14) Put an advertisement in the newspaper for a brand new Porsche 911 with all
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the options for $5,000.
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/--------\
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| Adults |
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\--------/
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1) Hire a group of the neighborhood brats to annoy your neighbors by lighting
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off fireworks, playing ding-dong ditch, and throwing various items at your
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neighbors house. One dollar per each child on a weekly basis.
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2) Hire a hooker to go to your neighbor's house while he and his spouse are
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present at the time.
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3) Get your neighbor's credit card number and charge all you can to it in only
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one week.
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4) Make signs that say "Flea Market" and "Garage Sale" and point them at your
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neighbor's house.
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5) Set their bushes on fire and claim they were trying to get their insurance
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money for the house.
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6) If your neighbor's have a pool, then make a life-size replica of their
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daughter, and put it in the pool (Dead-Man Float Style) and put some cherry
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Kool-Aid in also.
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7) Sneak into your neighbor's house and put panties in the master bedroom, and
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smear lipstick on the husband's collar.
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8) When their child is asleep, sneak into their house, and put a teddy bear
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head at the foot of his bed.
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9) Stock your neighbor's toilets and pool with goldfish.
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10) Make holes in your neighbor's roof all the way through.
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11) Make a replica of their 2 year old baby and put a tape recorder with
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screams on it, and set it behind a tire of their car when their garage
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door opens.
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12) Pass out pamphlets that say there is a "KKK" meeting at your neighbor's
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address.
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13) Take your 5 year-old son to learn to play golf on your neighbor's land.
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14) Take your neighbor's son, and tell his father that you are going to see
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Dumbo and take hime out to see all the violent and most profanic movies
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that are playing around you.
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/---------------------\
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| The End of Volume I |
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\---------------------/
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