105 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
105 lines
5.9 KiB
Plaintext
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AHA! BLEEDING ABOUT TIME I GOT UP A TEXT FILE! WELL, UNLIKE THOSE PRISSY
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PEEPLE WHO MAKE A FILE IN APPLEWRITER, WORDSTAR, ETC....I AM DARING ENUFF TO
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ACTUALLY TYPE THIS IN!!!! AREN'T I JUST SO STUPID? OH WELL, HERE WE GOGH...
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-=*=-HOW TO TERRORIZE MCDONALDS-=*=-
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- POSTED BY: -
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- MODEM UZER -
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-=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=----=*=-=*=-=*=-=*=-
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NOW, ALTHO MCDONALDS IS FAMOUS FOR IT'S ADVERTISING AND MAKING THE WHOLE WORLD
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THINK THAT THE BIG MAC IS THE GREATEST THING TO COME ALONG SINCE SLICED BREAD
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(BUNS?), EACH LITTLE RESTAURANT IS AS AMATEUR AND SIMPLE AS A NEW-FOUND
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BUZINESS. NOT ONLY ARE ALL THE EMPLOYEES RATHER INEXPERIENCED AT WHAT THEY'RE
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=SUPPOSED= TO DO, BUT THEY WILL JUST LOOZE ALL CONTROL WHEN AN EMERGENCY
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OCCURS....HERE WE GO!!!
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FIRST, GET A FEW FRIENDS (4 IS GOOD...I'LL GET TO THIS LATER) AND ENTER THE
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MCDONALDS RESTAURANT, TALKING LOUDLY AND REEKING OF SOME STRANGE ESSENSE THAT
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AUTOMATICALLY MAKES TEH OLD COUPLE SITTING BY THE DOOR LEAVE. IF ONE OF THOSE
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PIMPLY-FACED GOONS IS WIPING THE FLOOR, THEN TRACK SOME CRAP ALL OVER IT (YOU
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COULD PRETEND TO SLIP AND BREAK YER HEAD, BUT YOU MITE ACTUALLY DO SO).
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NEXT, BEFORE YOU GET THE FOOD, FIND A TABLE. START YELLING AND RELEASIONG SOME
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[More] STRAGE BODY ODOR AND =ANYBODY= WOULD LEAVE THEIR TABLE AND WALK OUT THE DOOR.
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SIT 2 FRIENDS THERE, AND GO UP TO THE COUNTER WITH ANOTHER.
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FIND A PLACE WHERE THE LINE IS SHORT, OR IF THE LINE IS LONG SAY "I ONLY WANNA
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BUY A COKE" AND YOU GET MOVED UP. NOW, YOU GET TO DO THE =ORDERING=...HEH HEH
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HEH.
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SOMEBODY =ALWAZE= MUST WANT A PLAIN HAMBURGER WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON IT
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(THIS TAKES EXTRA TIME TO MAKE, AND DRIVES THE LITTLE HAMBURGER-MAKERS
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INSANE)..ORDER A 9-PACK OF CHICKEN MCNUGGETS...NO, A 20 PACK...NO, THREE 6
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PACKS...WAIT...GO BACK TO THE TABLE AND ASK WHO WANTS WHAT. YOUR OTHER FRIEND
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WAITS BUY THE COUNTER AND MAKES A PASS AT THE FEMALE CLERK. GET BACK TO THE
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THING AND ORDER THREE 6-PACKS OF CHICKEN ETC....NOW SHE SAYS "WHAT KIND OF
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SAUCE WOULD YOU LIKE?"..OF COURSE, SAY THAT YOU ALL WANT BARBECUE SAUCE (ONE
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OF YER FRIENDS WANTS 2) ONLY IF THERE ARE ONLY 2 CONTAINERS OF BARBECUE SAUCE
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LEFT. THEN THEY HAFTA GO INTO THE STOREROOM AND OPEN UP ANUDDER BOX. FINALLY,
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THE DRINKS...SOMEBODY WANTS COKE, COMEBODY ROOT BEER, AND SOMEBODY DIET COKE.
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AFTER THESE ARE DELIVERED, BRING THEM BACK AND SAY "I DIDN'T ORDER A DIET
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COKE! I ORDERED A SPRITE!" THIS GETS THEM MAD...BETTER YET, TURN DOWN
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SOMETHING TERRIBLE THAT NOBODY WANTS TO DRINK, SO THEY HAFTA THROW THE DRINK
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AWAY; THEY CAN'T SELL IT. AFTER ALL THE FOOD(?) IS HANDED TO YOU, YOU MUST
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=NEFFER= HAVE ENUFF MONEY TO PAY. THE CLERK WILL BE SO ANGRY AND CONFOOSED
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THAT SHE'LL LET YA GET AWAY WITH IT (ANUDDER INFLUENCE ON HER IS YOUR FRIEND
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[More] ASKING HER "IF YOU LET US GO I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU" AND GIVING HER A FAKE FONE
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NUMBER).
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NOW, BACK TO YOUR TABLE. BUT FIRST, SOMEBODY LIKES KETCHUP. AND MUSTARD. AND
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PLENTY (TOO MUCH) OF NAPKINS. OH, AND SOMEBODY LIKES FORKS AND KNIFES, SO
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ALWAZE END UP BREAKING THE ONES YOU PICK OUTTA THE BOX. HAVE YOUR FRIENDS YELL
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OUT "YAY!!!!! WE HAVE MUNCHIES!!" AS LOUD AS THEY CAN. THAT'LL WORRY THE
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ENTIRE RESTAURANT. PROCEED TO SIT DOWN.
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SO, YOU ARE SITTING IN THE SMOKING SECTION (BY ACCIDENT) EH? WELL, WHILE ONE
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OF THE TOBACCO-BREATHERS ISN'T LOOKING, PUT A SIGN FROM THE UDDER SIDE OF THE
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ROOM SAYING "DO NOT SMOKE HERE" AND HE'LL HAFTA MOVE...THEN HE GOEZ INTO THE
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REAL NON-SMOKING SECTION, AND GETS YELLED AT. HE THEN THINKS THAT NO SMOKING
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IS ALLOWED IN THE RESTAURANT, SO HE EATS OUTSIDE (IN THE POURING RAIN)
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AFTER YOUR MEAL IS FINISHED (AND QUITE A FEW SPLATTERED-OPENED KETCHUP PACKETS
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ARE ALL OVER YER TABLE), TRY TO LEAVE. BUT OOPS! SOMEBODY HAS TO DO HIS DUTY
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IN THE MEN'S ROOM. AS HE GOEZ THERE, HE STICKS AN UNEATED HAMBURGER (WOULD YOU
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DARE TO EAT ONE OF THEIR HAMBURGERS?) INSIDE THE TOILET, FLUSHES IT A WHILE,
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UNTIL IT RUNS ALL OVER THE BATHROOM. OOPS! SEND A PIMPLY-FACED TEENAGER TO
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CLEAN IT UP. (HE WON'T KNOW THAT BROWN THING IS A HAMBURGER, AND HE'LL GET
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SICK. WHEEE!)
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[More] AS YOU LEAVE THE RESTAURANT, LOOKING BACK AT YOUR UNCLEANED TABLE, SOMEBODY
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MUST REMEMBER THAT THEY LEFT THEIR CHOCOLATE SHAKE THERE! THE ONE THAT'S
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ALMOST FULL!!!! HE TAKES IT THEN SAYS "THIS TASTES LIKE CRAP!", THEN HE TAKES
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OF THE LID AND THROWS IT INTO THE GARBAGE CAN...OOPS! HE MISSED, AND NOW THE
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SAME POOR SOUL WHO'S CLEANING UP THE BATHROOM NOW HASTA CLEAN UP CHOCOLATE
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SHAKE. THEN LEAVE THE JOINT, REVERSING THE "YES, WE'RE OPEN" SIGN (AS A
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REMINDER OF YER VISIT
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THERE YOU HAVE IT! YOU HAVE JUST PUT ALL OF MCDONALDS INTO COMPLETE MAYHEM.
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AND SINCE THERE IS NO PENALTY FOR LITTERING IN A RESTAURANT, BUGGING PEEPLE IN
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A PUBLIC EATERY (OR THROW-UPERY, IN THIS CASE) YOU GET OFF SCOT-FREE. WUZN'T
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THAT FUN? WELL, MY FINGERS ARE TIRED SO I BIG YOU ALL A DOO AND SEE YA AT
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DUNE!
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-UZER
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DONE WITH THE COOPERATION OF THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL (OF WHICH I'M PREZ) AND
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ANARCHY, INC., WITH PERMISSION OF THE DAREDEVIL WHO SAID "I DON'T CARE"
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---------------------------------------
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==============================================================================
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__ __
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\ / '\/ '\ Courtest of: The Works BBS
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\ \___/\___/ F.B.B.S. Incarnation
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<_________||____ . [617]861-8976
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< _\ . 3/12/24 baud
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<_____________ \>\ . . 7 days/24 hours
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< . . \ \ . 65 Megabytes of Storage
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/ . . \___> . . . Largest Text Files BBS in
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. . . . . .... . . . The C o u n t r y !
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==============================================================================
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(3:48am) TextFile \>
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