175 lines
8.3 KiB
Plaintext
175 lines
8.3 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
[!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!]
|
||
|
|
[!] [!]
|
||
|
|
[!] How To Buy Liquor [!]
|
||
|
|
[!] [!]
|
||
|
|
[!] As Written By Cellular Phreak [!]
|
||
|
|
[!] 11/10/87 - 11/19/87 [!]
|
||
|
|
[!] [!]
|
||
|
|
[!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!][!]
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
(C) 1987
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Well first of all this is for all those REAL Partiers out there that don't
|
||
|
|
live,breathe,eat, and shop on their computers. Because yes there is a world
|
||
|
|
outside your bedroom! And one of those very best things is liquor.
|
||
|
|
Let's look at all the things it can do...
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
1) Impress the women.
|
||
|
|
2) Get's you flogged.
|
||
|
|
3) Help get the women flogged.
|
||
|
|
4) Help you take advantage of the situation.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Well, thats about all that it can do for you know that you know WHAT it can do
|
||
|
|
for you lets examine how you can get it... liquor that is.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Well first of all if you look about 12-14 yrs. old your screwed because they
|
||
|
|
are gonna kick you out as soon as you come in. I have several TESTED methods
|
||
|
|
and the tips that have worked for me and will work for you, if mastered.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
LOCATIONS
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Well you must pick a store to buy your shit at. Well try to stay away from
|
||
|
|
those big chains like Liquors 'R' Us and M.G.M. Liquor Warehouse. Just stay
|
||
|
|
the fuck away from any chain of liquor stores. They usually have some type of
|
||
|
|
system set up where someone sits and watches the door and as soon as you have
|
||
|
|
walked in the manager of the store says you got ID ? Well that aint too cool,
|
||
|
|
making friends with the manager so quickly. Pick a store that is all alone
|
||
|
|
that looks like its hurting for cash and needs some money no matter who its
|
||
|
|
from even a kid.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
MAPS & SHIT
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Before you enter your victim's store make sure you know where the liquor is and
|
||
|
|
how much you are gonna get. Buying MASS quantities of liquor is BAD. Say you
|
||
|
|
wanna get toasted so you just get a 12 or a 24. Never try something like 2
|
||
|
|
cases... Because the more you buy the more the risk of getting asked for ID.
|
||
|
|
See look below:
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
7 X
|
||
|
|
Quantity 6 X
|
||
|
|
in items 5 X
|
||
|
|
4 X
|
||
|
|
3 X
|
||
|
|
2 X
|
||
|
|
1 X
|
||
|
|
---------------------
|
||
|
|
0 10 30 50 70 100%
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
ID CHECKS IN PERCENTAGE OF POSSIBILITY
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
THE CASUAL
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Well first of all you are gonna go in there and be cool and casual and easy
|
||
|
|
going guy. Remeber this, so you go in and you know where the shit is you
|
||
|
|
cruize over to it and pick it up like a man! Carry it over to the counter plop
|
||
|
|
it down and this is where you will start to shake and shit so remember calm is
|
||
|
|
a buy crazed is an ID check. So he should say thats $ XX.XX now give him the
|
||
|
|
cash preferably from a wallet. Now he'll either say ok thanx or do you have
|
||
|
|
I.D. well use one of the quotations I have listed below.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
THE BIG BROTHER
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
This really takes no brains but shit if you got a older brother use it. Bribe
|
||
|
|
the fucker if necessary!
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
THE WAIT
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
This type of buy is a little different. Wait for some COOL person like a legal
|
||
|
|
college kid to come by and ask him hey man could ya pick me up a XXXX for an
|
||
|
|
extra 3-5 bucks ? Like if your gonna give him 5 bucks get at least 2 cases of
|
||
|
|
beer. Remember wait for a cool looking person and do not approach him right in
|
||
|
|
front of the store. Come up to him as soon as he gets out of his car. Make
|
||
|
|
sure he's out of the stores view. Give him the money for the liquor and
|
||
|
|
the extra cash for his profit and get his license plate. Just incase the
|
||
|
|
fucker decides to crooze on ya. Well if that happens well then call the cops
|
||
|
|
say you were near the store and the fucker hit you. You weren't injured but
|
||
|
|
knowcked the wind out of ya and you got his plate. They will put an A.P.B. out
|
||
|
|
on him and once they catch him they will fuck him up on a hit and run charge.
|
||
|
|
Then fuck him up. He will regret he took your $10.00 bucks. But this rarely
|
||
|
|
happens so you really dont have to worry about it. If you can get someone to
|
||
|
|
buy for you, YOU HAVE IT IN THE BAG! You got the liquor for sure. Also tell
|
||
|
|
the guy to meet ya in back of the store or another place to hand the liquor
|
||
|
|
over since it is a crime to buy for a minor. What I've done is wait for the
|
||
|
|
fucker to get done then get in the car with him and have him drop you off or
|
||
|
|
somehting some where...Party down kid get fucked up.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
THE LITTLE KIDDIE
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Have your kid brother/sister go in and give the cashier a note that you wrote
|
||
|
|
saying " Please let my son/daughter get a 12 pack of beer for me signed
|
||
|
|
BULLSHIT MASTER " that might do it but remember you can only do this while the
|
||
|
|
little kiddies dont know what the hell the difference is between a liquor
|
||
|
|
store and a ceramic-tile place. This sometimes has worked just make sure the
|
||
|
|
kiddie can escape if held hostage. Be ready to break the kid out.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
THE RAID
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Another idea is to raid the fucking supply truck as they are unloding it they
|
||
|
|
will bring in 3-4 huge cases of liquor into the store at a time. While they
|
||
|
|
are inside stacking the liquor you hop into the back of the truck and get a
|
||
|
|
case for good ol times and haul ass back to some bushes or somewhere you can
|
||
|
|
stash the shit until it will be able to transported to saftey. Also liquor
|
||
|
|
stores have cool shit throw aways go trashing in their garbage but wear gloves
|
||
|
|
for broken glass. I got some pretty wicked life-size cardboard cut outs of
|
||
|
|
ELVIRA & Spuds Mackenzie!!! I hate spuds come to think of it.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
FAKE ID's
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
I got a fake I.D. I paid some person at my states DEPT. of transportation make
|
||
|
|
me a fake license for $50.00 now I can buy. I suggest you go buy a CIRCUS
|
||
|
|
magazine or HIT PARADER for these magazines have numerous FAKE I.D.
|
||
|
|
applications no they just say get I.D.'s! Send in your state and name and age
|
||
|
|
and we'll print a legal I.D. for you! Well the catch is you send in $6.00 but
|
||
|
|
yes even these CRUDE representations of I.D. will work for the stupid/stoned
|
||
|
|
cashier at the liquor store. Hell why would someone work in a liquor store ?
|
||
|
|
Your bound to get held up, and the pay ain't good so why ? Well I'll tell ya
|
||
|
|
why... Becuz you get liquor at wholesale and fry heads who dont have any cash.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
QUOTATIONS
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Here are some quotations we have used and are quite effective in amusing the
|
||
|
|
cashier.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
DO YOU HAVE ANY I.D. ?
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
No, I left it out in the car.
|
||
|
|
No, I dont have any on me.
|
||
|
|
Well god damn it I dont, I lost it at a party.
|
||
|
|
No I dont have it, and dont give me any of this ID shit I always buy my beer.
|
||
|
|
FUCK YOU THEN ASSHOLE, IM NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN!
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
I'm sure you can think of more...
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Disclaimer:
|
||
|
|
I take no responsibility if you fry your liver becuz of this or if you get
|
||
|
|
suzie down the block pregnant. Meanwhile get drunk and fuck the waysted women.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
This file was insipired by a little kid who asked me to buy for him. Well
|
||
|
|
heres looking at you kid! Bottoms up! Look for G00D-DRINKS Part I its a list
|
||
|
|
of recipies of such classics as the SUNRISE to the ever-goodtasting BLOG. Have
|
||
|
|
a good one...Coming to a KICKASS BBS near you! Later,
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Cellular Phreak
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
|
||
|
|
Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
|
||
|
|
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
|
||
|
|
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
|
||
|
|
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
|
||
|
|
The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
|
||
|
|
The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
|
||
|
|
Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
|
||
|
|
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
|