218 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
218 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
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/-----------------------------------\
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| Fun! with Random Senseless |
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| Vandalism |
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| by |
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| /\/oo\/\ Count Nibble /\/oo\/\ |
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| August 2nd 1985 |
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| A "Nibble's Own" Textfile -- (C) |
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| 1985 by Count Nibble -- Spread it |
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| around! |
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\-----------------------------------/
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"We're just the Wrecking Crew / Poor boys with nothing to do!"
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- The Adolescents
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"History is made at night -- character is what you are in the dark."
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- Lord John Whorfin
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Hot summer nights are the same no matter where you live . . . there's nothing
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like a warm July evening to inspire a bunch of sex-starved adolescents to acts
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of Random Senseless Vandalism (RSV). Unfortunately, this time of year also
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tends to drain one's mind of all ideas that one might have for such
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activities. Fear not! Contained herein are myriad suggestions of how to
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spend a few early-morning hours enjoying yourself and annoying others. Call
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your frhends together and try a few out.
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A night of RSV is usually divided into two modes. The first mode is Cruising
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-- simply driving along major thoroughfares until an opportunity presents
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itself. Of course, you'll be keeping your eyes open for nubile members of the
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opposite sex, and your windows open (or better, your roof down) so the rest of
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the world can admire your taste in music and in clothing. On a well-balanced
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night of RSV, most of your time will be spent in this mode, so choose your
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music well. Here are a few tunes which I have found to be quite appropriate
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for tooling down the streets at 2 AM -- ALWAYS use the 12" single versions.
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Phil Collins: In The Air Tonight
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Harold Faltermeyer: Axel F.
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Dead Or Alive: Round Round
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Alphaville: Big In Japan
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Jean-Michel Jarre: Zoolook
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Burning Sensations: Pablo Picasso
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Duran Duran: View to a Kill
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Russ Ballard: Voices
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Cheap Trick: You Must Be Dreaming
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After you've been to two McDonald's and five Circle K's, and you've seen
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enough pussy to keep you horny for over a year -- so it's time to move out
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and start the second mode: Random Senseless Vandalism. The mood of the music
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goes over the edge, meaning, of course, Punk! Some sample tunes:
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Sex Pistols: Anarchy in the U.K.
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Fear: Let's Have A War
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GBH: Do What You Do
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Adolescents: Wrecking Crew
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DEVO: Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA
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Black Flag: Police Story, T.V. Party
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Red Alert: In Britain
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Bad Religion: In The Night
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But, as the question goes, what do you DO when you Do What You Do? Now that
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we've set up an appropriate musical mood, we can start in on the good stuff:
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dhe Random Senseless Vandalism itself.
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You'll need a few tools. A sample list follows.
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crowbar
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wire cutters
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flashlight w/red filter
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spray paint
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survival knife
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short (18") length of chain
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rocks (medium-large)
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caltrops (lots)
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toilet paper
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rope
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assorted fireworks
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BB or pellet gun/rifle
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water balloons
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Crowbar: The ultimate multi-purpose vandalism tool. Can be used to shatter
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windows, break off doorknobs, and to pry open practically anything you
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like.
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Wire Cutters: You never know when you might walk into a fence you don't happen to
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like, and some good wire cutters can alleviate the situation. Make sure
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the fence isn't electrified before you try anything with it! Barbed wire
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looks nice wrapped around the front end of a car, replacing its grille,
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or festooned along the walls of your room. And a stretch of chainlink
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adds a nice touch to any bedroom decor.
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Flashlight w/Red Filter: There is nothing more suspicious-looking than a
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bunch of guys out in a field with a flashlight, and the red filter will
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help alleviate observation problems. Also, the red color allows you to
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retain your night vision while keeping your eyes on what you are doing.
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Spray Paint: The possibilities are endless. Check out my file "Fun! with
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Spray Paint" for a few of them.
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Survival Knife: This tool takes care of the stuff that the crowbar and the
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wire cutters aren't really designed for. Try these: cutting down
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tire-and-rope swings in front yards, slashing banners, collecting flags
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(it's illegal to display them at night without proper illumination
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anyway), slicing seatbelts that assholes leave hanging out of their car
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doors. Fucking with convertible tops is bad form, but tarps over boats
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or cars are great, especially if it's raining.
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Short (18") Length of Chain:
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ake it sturdy, this one will be taking a lot of
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abuse. Use it on car bodies and windows, or connect it to your rope to
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tow something large down the street a ways. Be careful, though!
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Remember what happened in Mad Max!
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Rocks: Easy to find, easier to use. The windows of houses and moving are targets for rocks.
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Caltrops: In case an irate smart-ass citizen decides to chase you. (Don't
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use 'em on cops unless you're SURE they didn't get a good look at your
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car!) A caltrop is a piece of metal that, when you throw it onto the
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ground, always lands so that one point sticks up into the air where it
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can do major damage to tires and to feet wearing anything less than good
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work boots. Sure, a board with nails in it will do the same thing, but
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caltrops are less noticable, and who the hell is dumb enough to drive
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over a random board in the middle of the street anyway? The simplest
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reliable design is to take two nails, cut the heads off and sharpen both
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ends of each, bend them to an angle of about 135 degrees, and weld them
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together at the bend. If you're serious about it, get together with a
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few of your friends and set up a mass-production line for a few hours the
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evening before you all go out, and make about 50 of them. If you drop
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them on a road (handfuls of 6-8 work well), don't travel on that road for
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a while! And of coursd, you can just dump them in the middle of a major
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intersection in the dead of night. Or in a parking lot outside a movie
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theater just before the movie lets out. Caltrops pack one hell of a
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wallop for their size.
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Toilet Paper: No anarchy run is truly complete without toilet paper,
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especially if it looks like it's going to rain. When toilet paper gets
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wet, you can forget about trying to clean it up, because you CAN'T. If
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the weather is nice, why not consider looking for a garden hose to help
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the paper along?
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Rope: You'll always be able to find a good use for rope. In fact, there's
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really no need to go out and *buy* rope; chances are you'll be able to
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find some on the way somewhere. Flagpole rope is made amazingly strong
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since it has to stand up to years of the elements -- who wants to change
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the rope on a flagpole? -- so get that kind if you can. It's easy to
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find on any school campus. It's great fun to tie a sturdy slip knot on a
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flagpole rope, tie the loose end to the back of a pickup, then take off.
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See what gives first, the pole or the back of the truck. For that
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matter, the rear axle trick from American Graffiti is pretty amusing too,
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if your rope is strong enough.
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Assorted Fireworks: Ah, yes, the Flames of the Gods. There's nothing like
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driving around town, lighting fireworks, and throwing them out the
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window. Bottle Rockets are the most spectacular . . . they'll sit on the
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road until you're a few dozen yards away, then take off to God Knows
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Where. Sometimes they'll fly down the street a ways, then hit a curb
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and arc off in the direction of someone's bedroom window. (Of course,
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you're using the kind "with report" for maximum effect, aren't you?)
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M-80's and their more powerful homemade cousins are wonderful for
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mailboxes, placing on car windshields, and just plain waking up everyone
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within a quarter mile. Those "whistling cabins" are great for annoying
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dogs as well as people, and if you run across a car that someone forgot
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to lock, make sure the windows are rolled up and lob a few smoke bombs
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inside. Kiss the interior of that vehicle GOODBYE. If you have
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something a bit more powerful, like a CO2 cartridge filled with black
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powder, knock a hole in a cinderblock wall with a large rock and drop the
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pecker inside it. The brick it gets stuck next to is history. Looking
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to shatter windows? Take one of those CO2 bombs with a long fuse and put
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it in the middle of a 32 oz. glass bottle full of gravel, pick a nice
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building with a lot of glass on it, drop and light the bomb, and LEAVE.
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Wheee! Shrapnel! Who says the Neon Knights have all the fun?
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BB or Pellet Gun/Rifle: For non-assholes only. Leave the small animals alone
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. . . save your ammo for the targets that deserve to be abused, things
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like people. Air guns are at their best when you're in a moving car.
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Pump up the air rifle and load a few BB's in, then buzz by the local car
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dealership and take out that nice big showroom window -- ftow! Mr. Slick
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Sam, The Used Car Man, now has to unload an Eldie or two to pay for a new
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pane of glass. And oh, how expensive that glass can be! These are also
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great for vans with custom murals on the side. You can elect to use low
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power and just deface the thing, or go all the way and punch a few holes.
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'Sup to you! And do you know how much it costs to replace the body
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panels on a Corvette? Yow!
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Water Balloons: Yeah, plain water balloons really belong to the
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grade-schoolers and the fraternity types with balloon launchers, but how
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about putting about a tablespoon of Rit dye in the balloon before you
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fill it? Looks really nice on stucco or on white cinderblock, where it
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gets a chance to soak in for a few hours. Be imaginative, use a few
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balloons of different colors on a single target for some instant modern
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art.
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Your Bare Hands: A vandal needs no tools to do his dirty work -- his bare
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hands can do a great deal. Try switching around a few realty signs.
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Grab a trash bag that's waiting for the 6AM pickup as you drive by, then
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drag it alongside the car as you speed down the street. When it breaks,
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someone will have a serious mess to deal with. Or introduce that trash
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bag to the neighbor's pool. Bananna peels and pool filters get along
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marvelously. Got a road that's really just a loooooong hill? Montgomery
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Blvd. in Albuquerque is a good example, with at lease five miles of long,
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straight, gentle gradient. "Borrow" someone's spare tire and see how far
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down the hill it'll roll before it hits something (or someone!). Or
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"borrow" several, have everyone bet on a tire, and hold a race.
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Well, people! Now you've got some ideas for your RSV runs!!
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Go for it!!
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A "Nibble's Own" Text File -- (C)
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August 2nd, 1985 by:
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/\/\oo/\/\ Count Nibble /\/\oo/\/\
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(>
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