359 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
359 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
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"G.U.E. ON NINE ZORKMIDS A DAY"
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[Pictures of 7 baggage tags:
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- North Anthar
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Granola Mines
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Clusters of FUN for the whole family
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- I Visited
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Greater Borphee
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And its Fixum Rixa Poo Nastic!! [sic.]
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- Come Again to ARAGAIN
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Capital of the Frigid River
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- King Zilbo Hotel
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Midtown Gurth
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"Where Every Guest is Treated Like a *ELTNID"
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- I [heart] MITHICUS
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- I Survived The Jungles of Miznia
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BLOODWORM MECCA of the G.U.E.
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- Flying Carpet Airlines
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forward to:
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Tunnels of Love,
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Frigid River Valley
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from:
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Lenko Cavem,
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938120 Plateau Place,
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North-South City
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G.U.E
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TWELTH CLASS]
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A Traveller's Guide to the Great Underground Empire
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by Lester Foozilbarmumboz
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Frobozz Magic Book Company. Copied right in the year 873. All rights
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reversed.
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FESTERON TOWN LIBRARY
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03/35/874 07/07/876 03/02/881
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05/11/874 09/02/876 06/14/883
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09/01/874 02/13/877 04/22/917
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01/29/875 03/09/878 02/21/948
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04/34/875 07/35/878
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06/10/875 01/03/879
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04/21/876 08/06/879
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Please take care of me...
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library books belong to everyone.
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ANTHARIA
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[Picture]
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Shown at Flathead Stadium is a citizen trying to get a leg up on the
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competition during an exciting shark wrestling match.
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LOCAL GOVERNMENT: Antharia is ruled by a council of four "Elders"-- one
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from the Shipbuilding Guild, one from the Granola Miners Guild, one from
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the Marble Cutters Guild, and one from a popular waterfront pub called
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"Emu's."
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TRANSPORTATION: Getting to and from Antharia is limited to travel by
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ship. (An Enchanter familiar with teleportation spells can be hired, but
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are expensive and sometimes unreliable.) Normal third-class fare for
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this two-day journey can coast as much as 17 zorkmids during the month
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before the Marble Pageant.
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WEATHER: Except for an occasional hurricane in late summer, Antharian
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weather is picture-perfect. Leave your umbrella home, but don't forget
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to pack your swim suit and scuba gear!
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LODGING: The world-famous Zilton Hotel in downtown Anthar feature plush
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accommodations and easy access to most of the island's sights. Prices
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range from 6 to 24 zorkmids per night. More economical lodgings can be
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found at the bucolic Pterodactyl Inn. Every room features a stunning
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view of the cliffs overlooking the lovely north shore of the island, and
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rates range from 2 to 8 zorkmids per night.
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DINING: An absolute must is The Rusty Knife in West Anthar. Expect to
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wait at least an hour; the house specialty is flame-broiled sea serpent
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filet for a mere Zm1.25. Other fine seafood restaurants include the
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Finhouse (Zm0.50 to Zm1.50) and Zilbar's (Zm0.35 to Zm1.50).
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THINGS TO SEE: The shipbuilding factories of South Anthar are an amazing
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sight; plan to spend at least half a day. Tours for 1 zorkmid are
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available every hour from dawn to dusk. The burgeoning marble industry
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offers many exciting sights: the gaping mines in the Peltoid Valley, the
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cutting and polishing guilds at work, the 20-bloit conveyor belt at the
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port of Marba. Despite the reduced output since the Granola Riots, the
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granola mines in the north make an interesting visit if you can stand
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the smell. No trip to the island would be complete without a cruise on
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the island's only glass-bottom boat, the Bella Quease. The cruise leaves
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an hour before noon, and costs Zm2.25 (children under 12, Zm1.50).
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SEASONAL EVENTS: The Marble Pageant, held annually in mid-spring, is
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highly recommended. However, during the month of the Pageant, hotel
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space becomes scarce, and many prices are inflated. Shark-wrestling,
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held every weekend during the summer at Anthar's Flathead Stadium, is an
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exciting experience if you can stomach the gore. Admission is Zm0.75.
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FACTS:
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Land Area: 959 square bloits
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Capital: Anthar
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Nickname: The Island Province
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Flower: The Spenseweed
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Motto: "Heiya wizka" ("Hello sailor")
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GREATER BORPHEE
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[Picture of a beach with sign: FLATHEAD BEACH "Beach Blanket Fannuci"
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[sic.] filmed here in 871 G.U.E.]
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With wave heights averaging 38 ft., surfing is always great.
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LOCAL GOVERNMENT: Greater Borphee is administered by a staff of
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part-time volunteer managers, whose decisions are ratified at least
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three times per year, but not more than every other week, by a series of
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local forums.
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TRANSPORTATION: Borphee is probably the single most accessible vacation
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spot in the Empire. From anywhere in the Borphee River valley, travel by
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ferry is easy and inexpensive. If you wish to travel by sea, Borphee has
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an excellent, busy harbor. By land, the Coast Road connects Borphee with
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the ancient cities to the north as well as the populous southlands.
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WEATHER: Thanks to the nearby ocean, Borphee has a very moderate
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climate. The rainy season lasts most of the winter, and summers tend to
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be humid.
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LODGING: Motel Spell is a highly commercialized tourist trap with
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overdone touches such as the issuing of self-casting REZROV spells
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instead of keys. Rooms start at 5 zorkmids. Be forewarned, patrons who
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miss check-out time will have their families turned into newts and their
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luggage turned into bat guano. The Borphee Inn, run by the Frobozz Magic
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Hotel Company, is comfortable and surprisingly affordable. While
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penthouse suites can run upwards of 33 zorkmids per day, basement rooms
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are available for as little as 3 zorkmids (but make your reservations
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well in advance).
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DINING: The Potion Palace, at the Borphee Inn, features a delightful
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menu of enchanted dishes. Waiters are a thing of the past at the Palace,
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as your mind is probed to discover the perfect meal for your taste,
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which then poofs into existence right at your table. A nightly floor
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show features dancing nymphs; expect to spend at least Zm4. Also highly
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recommended is the Smokestack, where even the heartiest of meals costs
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under a zorkmid.
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THINGS TO SEE: Borphee is the Kingdom's fastest-growing industrial city,
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with the magic scroll and potion factories leading the way. Both
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Spellbound and United Thaumaturgy offer free tours of their facilities.
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(Spellbound's deluxe tour costs Zm3, but it includes casting a time
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travel spell that gives you three extra hours in your schedule.) G.U.E.
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Tech, the newest of the Moss-League Colleges, produces the young
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Enchanters of tomorrow. Many graduates have gone on to start their own
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magic companies, and have become an identifiable subculture known as
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"Yuppie," or "Young Underground Professionals."
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Just a short trip south of the city are some of the most beautiful
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stretches of beach anywhere on the Flathead Ocean, including the very
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dunes where "Beach Blanket Fanucci" was filmed. Borphee nightlife is
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renowned throughout the Empire; Studio Frob on the wharf features an
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excellent Phlog and Tonic for Zm0.25. Warning: the Borphee Observation
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Tower is a complete waste of money. Admittance is Zm7, and the air in
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downtown Borphee never provides visibility of more than a fraction of a
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bloit.
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SEASONAL EVENTS: Borphee is the site of the annual Double Fanucci
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Championships. During the first week in autumn, the entire province
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fills up with every Double Fanucci fanatic in the kingdom. Tickets to
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each game in the finals cost 3 zorkmids, but usually sell out within
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hours. Scalpers command as much as 20 zorkmids for a good seat. In late
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spring, G.U.E. Tech holds their annual Spelling Bee, which is free and
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open to the public. The highlight of last year's competition was Magic
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O'Leary's stunning mastery of clairvoyance spells which allowed him to
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win the Bee before the first word was even issued.
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Every winter, the hills of Borphee come alive with the sound(s) of the
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most dreadful singers in the Kingdom. This event, aptly named The From
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Bad to Worst Songfest, allows those truly terrible singers to gain
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recognition while vying for the much-coveted prize of a pair of 18k gold
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earplugs. Because most hillside residents schedule out-of-town court
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appearances or surgery during this two-week period, you may be able to
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rent an apartment or house for as little as Zm2 or Zm3.5, respectively.
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On the official first day of summer, thousands gather at the Borphee
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Harbor for the G.U.E. Festival of Small Ships. Throughout the day,
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hundreds of these floating antiques drop their mini-anchors in the water
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and send off rockets, flares and fireworks to herald their safe arrival.
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Only those spectators 4 feet 5 inches and under will be allowed to board
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the ships. Admission is free so come early to beat the crowds.
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FACTS:
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Population: 1,107,810
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Land Area: 754 square bloits
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Capital: Borphee
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Nickname: The Industrial Province
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Flower: The Compass Rose
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Motto: "Borphee-- fixum rixa poo nastik" ("Borphee-- better than you think")
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[Picture]
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Double Fanucci Stadium--where tickets for the annual Double Fanucci
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championships often go as high as 20 zorkmids each.
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THE FRIGID RIVER VALLEY
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[Picture]
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Flathead Mountains--inaccessable backwater of the Great Underground
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Empire.
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LOCAL GOVERNMENT: None to speak of.
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TRANSPORTATION: Unless you travel via flying carpet, you'll find this
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region to be virtually cut off from the rest of the Empire. You can hack
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your way east through the coastal forests with a machete, or try to
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cross the Flathead Mountains from the east, or you can try to travel up
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the Frigid River, bucking the most severe currents and dangerous rapids
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known to man. We suggest air travel.
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WEATHER: Very unpredictable, but you'll probably be spending most of
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your time underground.
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LODGING: The Tunnels of Love are a favorite of the Kingdom's
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honeymooners, located a stone's throw from Aragain Falls. The Tunnels
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are well-known for their vast honeycomb of passageways, and couples have
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been known to raise entire families just trying to find their rooms.
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Rates range from Zm2 for a room to Zm10 for a Honeymoon Suite. The
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Cliffhouse, near White Cliffs Beach, is inexpensive (all rooms are Zm2)
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and convenient to the big tourist spots.
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DINING: The Roundup, just off the Round Room, specializes in dragon
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dishes. Entrees range from Zm0.30 to Zm0.80. The Aqueduct offers
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reasonably good cuisine and a breathtaking view of one of the Empire's
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primary water channels. Slightly overpriced at Zm1.20 to Zm2.20.
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THINGS TO SEE: Flood Control Dam Number Three is a staggering
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engineering feat that must be seen to be believed. Nearby is Aragain
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Falls, the so-called Honeymoon Capital of the Great Underground Empire.
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Slightly farther away is the Royal Museum, although the three-week
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security clearance procedure discourages many visitors. If mountain
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climbing turns you on, the Flathead Mountains offer one of the best
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challenges anywhere.
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SEASONAL EVENTS: On the first day of summer, crowds line the banks of
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the Frigid River for a spectacular sight: the annual opening of the
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floodgates of FCD Number Three, which lower the water level of the
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reservoir behind. Frequently, the king himself will be on hand to open
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the floodgates personally.
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FACTS:
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Population: 98,330
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Land Area: 15,232 square bloits
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Capital: Aragain
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Nickname: The Deepest Province
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Flower: The Budding Fern
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Motto: "Blippi burz fliggin" ("Dig we must")
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GURTH AND MITHICUS
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LOCAL GOVERNMENT: An informal board of 13 thousand citizens meets three
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times each day to settle disputes and ratify the provincial budget.
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TRANSPORTATION: Take the Coast Road south from Borphee, or sail to the
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port of Miznia. Travel from any of the westlands should coast no more
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than 5 zorkmids.
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WEATHER: Absolutely wonderful for most of the year, but it can sometimes
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get unbearably hot during the peak summer months; bring mosquito
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netting.
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LODGING: In Gurth, try the King Zilbo Hotel, an elegant old building
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with rooms for as little as Zm2.50. Your best bet in Mithicus is the new
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No-Frill Inn. Rooms are only Zm0.75 per night, but almost everything is
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extra. (For example, beds are an additional Zm0.50 per night, pillows
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Zm0.20.)
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DINING: The Broken Lantern in the village of Grubbo-By-The-Sea serves a
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fine parrot stew, as well as other local delicacies in an intimate
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setting. The desserts are world-famous; the morgia root pie is a must.
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Most meals will be around Zm1.50; desserts are extra.
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THINGS TO SEE: The southlands are known for their many fine artisans.
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You can make arrangements to see carpenters, woodcarvers, rock cutters,
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potmakers, and basket weavers at work. The region is also prime
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vacationland, with many activities to choose from: sky diving, bull-
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fighting, surfing, skin diving and glurking. Rates vary seasonally, but
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a day's worth of any of these activities will cost you no more than 2 or
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3 zorkmids. Consider exploring the jungles of Miznia, but stay away from
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the well-marked bloodworm spawning grounds unless you have a trained
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guide. Trained guides usually start at Zm8 per day.
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SEASONAL EVENTS: The gigantic Gurth City Crafts Fair is held every
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weekend during the spring. The finest products of over 80 different
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guilds are displayed and sold. In early autumn, the annual Harvest
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Festival gets underway for a colorful two-week celebration featuring
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local foods, drinks, song and dance.
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FACTS:
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Population: 2,883,190
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Land Area: 21,545 square bloits
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Capital: Gurth City
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Nickname: The Vacation Province
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Flower: The Morgia
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Motto: "Utribiz oomum flaxil zobs" ("Don't eat moldy bread")
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[Picture]
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Over 80 different guilds and 120 different local delicacies are
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represented at the Gurth City Crafts Fair.
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THE GRAY MOUNTAINS
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[Picture]
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The snow-making equipment at the Gray Mountains always provides optimal
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snowburrowing conditions.
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LOCAL GOVERNMENT: Local matters are settled entirely by a tyrannical
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governor who is chosen once a month by a lottery.
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TRANSPORTATION: Travel to this remote area has recently been made much
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simpler by the completion of the Great Underground Highway's eastern
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branch. Tolls will run as high as Zm3 depending on your point of
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departure.
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WEATHER: Thanks to active hot springs, the temperature of the
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underground caverns in this region stays at a uniform ideal temperature.
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However, up on the surface, the temperature is nearly always below
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freezing, with frequent blizzards.
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LODGING: The brochures for Grayslopes recommend a place called the Ski
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Pole, but avoid this fleabag at all costs, unless you like bedbugs,
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rusty water, and rude help. (Apparently, the owners of Grayslopes also
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own a piece of the Ski Pole.) Instead, stay at the intimate Come-On Inn,
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which cost only Zm1.30. The Come-On also offers discounts on all
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equipment rental.
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DINING: The Glacier Room is a colorful dive which is a favorite hangout
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for the locals. In addition to generous helpings of good food, the
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Glacier Room also provides cast rests for diners. From Zm0.60. Warning:
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ignore recommendations by natives to dine at the Rotgut. Although the
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locals love to eat there, recommending it to visitors is a practical
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joke the natives love to play. After all, they've been brought up on
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this sort of food, plus they know all the best bromide cures.
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THINGS TO SEE: The hot springs are somewhat overrated as a tourist spot.
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As far as we're concerned, a trip to the Gray Mountains means one thing:
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snow sports. A lift ticket at Grayslopes costs Zm3 for a day. Skating on
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the slanted frozen surface of Lake Dinge is an exhilarating experience.
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Snowburrowers rent for around 6 zorkmids per week, but be sure to spend
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an extra Zm1.50 for a service contract.
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SEASONAL EVENTS: None. There are no seasons in the Gray Mountains.
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FACTS:
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Population: 18,370
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Land Area: 13,441 square bloits
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Capital: Frostham
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Nickname: The Fire and Ice Province
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Flower: Frobizzan Moss
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Motto: "Mekie zimbuz" ("Maybe tomorrow")
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from Interactive Fiction Archive ftp://ftp.gmd.de/if-archive/
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