58 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
58 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
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From: Floyd Gecko
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The Wombat:
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It was a dark and putrid night, and the wind was hiding
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somewhere for fear of being mugged. A dark shape emerged from the
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bar and staggered to the side of the road. It was a wombat. I
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could tell by the shape. Then it was mugged. The mugger leapt
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at it and hit it in the head.
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I ran towards it, but the street was rubbery, and I was
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bouncing far too much to reach the poor wombat before it's wallet
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was stolen.
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"Moan," moaned the creature.
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"Shut up," I told it. The mugger was running down the
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street with the money I'd planned to steal. Damn.
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I kicked the wombat, and ran after him. The wind whipped
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in my face from the speed of running, and I mugged it too. Not
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bad. A hundred and eleven bucks. An amex gold card, and... "How
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To Turn Wombat Skin Into A Working Submachine Gun In Four Easy
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Steps" -- a pamphlet.
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I ran back to where the wombat had been, but it had been
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spirited away. I sat gloomily on the pavement with my feet in the
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gutter. Then the wombat jumped me and tried to take the $111.
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Damned if I'd let a marsupial overpower ME. I clubbed it to death
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with the gold card.
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The dead wombat's pelt was hard to remove, but the prospect
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of a working submachine gun kept me going through the wee small
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hours of the morning. Finally, it was done. The skin was removed.
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I opened the pamphlet with hands stained by wombat innards.
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"HA HA," it laughed. "FOOLED YOU!"
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I cried inconsolably until I was mugged by a wombat corpse.
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To this day, I regret not driving the stake through that
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wombat's heart. If you've heard stories, called Urban Myths,
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perhaps, of an undead being that walks the streets, well you have
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me to blame. It leaps on people from a flame-red Harley-Davidson
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and gnaws their heads off, to turn them into it's undead minions.
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Some say that I am the only one ever to see it's gruesome
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eyes and live to tell the tale. Some don't. What do they know?
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It's the truth.
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I've tried for my whole life to rid this city of the unholy
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being, but I fear what they've long said:
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"Once beaten, twice a wombat shall kill you with a staplegun"
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Or something like that.
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