66 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
66 lines
3.7 KiB
Plaintext
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D A R K S U C K E R .
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======================
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Rewritten by the Quantum Mechanic
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For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light.
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However, recent information has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't
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emit light, they suck dark. Thus we call these bulbs dark suckers. The
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dark sucker theory proves that the existence of dark has mass heavier
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than that of light, and that dark is faster than light.
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The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark.
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Take, for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is
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much less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the
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dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a
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parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As
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with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of
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dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full
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dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a
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white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns
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black, representing all of the dark which has been sucked into it. If you
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hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn
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black because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.
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Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.
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There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all
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of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When
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the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced
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before the portable dark sucker can operate again.
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Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from its mass
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generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.
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Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel into a solid
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wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of
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heat, thus it can be dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also
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heavier than light. If you swim just below the surface of a lake, you see
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a lot of light. If you slowly swim deeper and deeper, you notice it
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slowly getting darker and darker. This is because the heavier dark sinks
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to the bottom of the lake, and the lighter light floats to the top. The
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immense power of dark can be utilized to man's advantage. We can collect
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the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through a
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turbine, which generates electricity and helps push the dark to the ocean
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where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more
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difficult to get the dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The
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Indians recognized this problem, and tried to solve it . When on a river
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in a canoe travelling in the same direction as the flow of dark, they
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paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark; but when they
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travelled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly, so as to help
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push the dark along its way.
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Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to
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stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then
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slowly open the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the
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closet; but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the
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dark leave the closet.
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In conclusion, I would like to say that dark suckers make all of our
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lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb,
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remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Downloaded from the Pinnacle Club (Auckland, NZ) Thanks Bernadette!
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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