297 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
297 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
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: Earth's Dreamlands : Info on: RPG's, :(313)558-5024 : area code :
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:RPGNet World HQ & Archive: Drugs, Industrial :(313)558-5517 : changes to :
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: 1000's of text files : music, Fiction, :InterNet : (810) after :
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: No Elite / No porn : HomeBrew Beer. :rpgnet@aol.com: Dec 1,1993 :
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:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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WHEN YOU NEED A ONE LINER...
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THE ANTI-GIBBERING SYSTEM
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CREATED FOR
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ADVANCED DUNGEONS & DRAGONS
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BY
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REID BLUEBAUGH
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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@ COPYRIGHT 1992 REID BLUEBAUGH
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There comes a time in a character's, a player's, or a DM's life
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when he/she doesn't know quite what to say. Instead of just keeping
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quiet, he/she usually goes into a gibbering fit of nonsense which lasts
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for a few non-productive minutes (if not longer). To cut down on
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gibbering, these tables limit characters, players and even DMs to one
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liners. So whenever any participant sees a potential gibbering mouther
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heading his/her way, he/she can require the gibberer to roll on the
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appropriate table (characters Table 1, players Table 2, DMs Table 3).
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The liner usually ends up to be nonsense (just like the gibbering
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fits), but it doesn't take long and adds a bit of random humor to the
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game. It also gives the players a chance at controlling the DM to some
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extend (a player has to get what he can).
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Instead of sharing the tables and results, they can be given to
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each participant for there own personal use. Users may also mark off
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quotes already used so repeats don't happen. Whatever the group decides
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to do is fine, the DM isn't the only one with power.
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The REROLLs on the table might seem like a nuisance, but they are
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there so the tables may be expanded in the future and so randomness
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avoids the dreaded bell curve. Users of the tables may adjusted the
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table to suit there needs.
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TABLE 1: Character Quotes (1d100)
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01-80 ROLL ON TABLE 1A
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81-00 ROLL ON TABLE 1B
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TABLE 1A: Character Quotes (1d100)
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1 AAAAAHRRGGGHHHH <gurgle cough>.
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2 Aargh, they'll be mutton tonight.
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3 A door? A big door? A locked door? A trapped door?
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4 Agggh! I just had that cloak washed.
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5 Ahh quit worrying I didn't detect any traps.
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6 Alms for the poor.
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7 And that is called bashing the balrog...
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8 Anything interesting to do around here? Civilizations to crumble?
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9 Away put your weapon. I mean you no harm.
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10 Be silent for the gods have ears.
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11 Body blow! Body blow! That's mighty blow DAMN IT.
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12 Buy Madam Fifi's Muffins.
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3 Cease & desist citizen or I'll reduce your head to a fine mist.
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14 Charles Jaco Jingle Heimer Schmidt...
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15 C'mon you worm!
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16 Cut loose the dogs of war.
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17 Damsel in distress! How much money do we have? Do we get?
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18 Did you bring your dogs?
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19 Don't break the glass in a lab! BREAK THE GLASS! BREAK THE GLASS!
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20 Don't call me tiny.
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21 Don't charge into melee!
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22 Don't fire into melee!
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23 Don't take wooden gold (?) pieces.
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24 Eat hardy me'lads, for tomorrow we die.
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25 Follow the mouse, for he knows where the holes are.
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26 For us to surrender to despair will be evil's ultimate victory.
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27 Gee, these monsters aren't really tough at all.
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28 Gems...what gems? <heh, heh>
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29 Go scout up ahead.
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30 Guys! There's 20 ogres over here and I got'em surrounded!
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31 He is a dangerous man, and you're on his Christmas list.
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32 He must be a paladin, he's got a flower on his shield.
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33 Hey, do I look like a paladin?
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34 Hey! He's supposed to be on OUR side.
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35 How can we starve? WE'VE GOT GRAIN!
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36 Humor the monster and keep it away from those who die easily.
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37 If I'm gonna save the universe, I want to be sober!
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38 I leap the chasm.
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39 I'll make a diversion.
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40 I'll take the little one...
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41 I'll walk toward the light.
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42 I'll walk up to dragon and drink my potion of dragon control.
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43 I'm not gonna be the first one through that door!
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44 I think he's out of shots!
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45 Let's come back and pick up the treasure later.
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46 Looks like it's sleeping.
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47 Looks like the combat is going our way!
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48 The women, how much for the women?
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49 They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...AAAAAHRRGGGHHHH....
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50 Trust me.
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51 I come in peace, you leave in pieces.
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52 I disbelieve anything that may be an illusion.
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53 I do speak chromatic dragon.
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54 If it bleeds we can kill it.
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55 I hate dinosaurs.
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56 I have a really good feeling about this.
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57 I know elves, they're all sopping over with compassion.
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58 I know! I'll make a ME simulator! I'll make millions...billions!
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59 I'll try anything once; twice if it hurts.
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60 I'm going to crank on the wench.
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61 I'm here to kick ass and eat rations, and I'm all out of rations.
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62 I'm making this up as I go!
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63 I'm not going first!!!
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64 In tongues they do speak.
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65 Is it finely crafted?
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66 It must be nice to have magical protection.
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67 It's better to die on your feet, then live on your knees.
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68 It seems we've made a grave error.
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69 It's just a couple of orcs...
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70 It went right thru...It went right thru...It went right thru...
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71 I've got a bad feeling about this.
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72 I will attempt to turn the undead creature.
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73 I wish I had a pole arm.
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74 Kill the Gelfling!
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75 Loot the village...Ravage the women...Burn the crops...
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76 Make it so.
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77 Mmmmmm, I love creampuffs.
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78 No! YOU open the door!
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79 Nyaah, can't catch me! <oof> Where'd this wall come... <splat>
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80 Orcs have tiny dorks.
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81 Out of the way, I'm going great guns!
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82 Paladin Pussies!
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83 Peace! peace! I come in peace!
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84 Runes?
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85 Screw the villagers, I'm no paladin.
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86 Sometimes the innocent must die.
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87 Start praying to your...god!
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88 Surprise!!!
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89 Sometimes I feel like I'm beating a dead horse.
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90 That is not a jury of my peers! Those are only common citizens!
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91 That should be the last of them.
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92 The forces of evil will fall one day and we shall be there.
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93 The thief will open the trap door. What'da you mean thief?
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94 The wheel of time continues to turn as we trek on...
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95 Throw 'em in the drink.
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96 tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...
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97 Time to die!
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98 Toad in the freezer? That's quite queer.
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99 Treazure...
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00 Treeeeees?
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TABLE 1B: Character Quotes (1d20)
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1 Wait! Hold it! I got a greeeeat idea!
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2 Wait! Wait! I've got a GREAT idea!
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3 We'll be back.
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4 We'll enter with a hearty hurrah.
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5 We're safe. They never come out during the day.
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6 We're surely in trouble? Hey don't call me Shirley.
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7 What does Green Slime taste like?
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8 What's in it for us?
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9 What'ya got in that pack? Tools?
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10 What's that flashing?
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11 Whoah! Nice shootin', Tex!
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12 Who says retainers get a share of the treasure? <heh, heh>
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13 Who's next on the hit list?
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14 You can't shoot me! I'm indispensable!
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15 You do that. I'll just climb this handy tree, here.
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16 You have my word of honor. <chuckle>
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17 You klingon bastard! You killed my son!
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18 You're an elf, do something about it...
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19 You underestimate the power of the Dark Side!
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20 You've been scorn by the wrath of a thousand gods...squared.
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TABLE 2: Player Quotes (1d100/2 rounded down)
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1 A 1, but no notch.
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2 A Demon! We can get lots of experience points and treasure!
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3 A TWO! I hit! We're going for low numbers, right?
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4 Another 18 ability! WOW!
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5 But white dragon's can't cast spells.
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6 Can I turn it?
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7 Can the blacksmith make Plate Armour?
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8 Do I know anything useful about the monster?
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9 Don't worry...I can turn undead.
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10 Don't worry, I won't get hurt. I have far too many hit points...
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11 Ha! You can't kill me! I'm the DM's brother!
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12 He did HOW much damage?!?
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13 Hey, I'm invulnerable to him.
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14 I don't have any climbing skill, but I have lots of hit points.
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15 I don't wanna hurt'em so I'll try to subdue him.
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16 I draw my weapon and charge into melee.
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17 If you don't acknowledge encumbrance, does it exist?
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18 I'll attempt to pick the lock.
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19 I'll grab the bar maiden as she walks. I have Charisma ya know.
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20 I'll just hide in shadows.
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21 I'll tumble.
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22 I meant to do that.
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23 I'm immune to that.
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24 I shall pick the Lich's pocket.
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25 I snap the staff!
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26 I thought it was implied.
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27 Its no longer fun for the player characters.
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28 Love them strength bonuses.
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29 Make a saving throw at negative WHAT?
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30 Mighty blow! Mighty blow! Knock'em out!
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31 No problem, I got magic resistance.
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32 NOTES: 5 gold pieces, goblin, eat rations, knife, 6:00
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33 Oh Gawd! He found his evil red/black 20 sider! We're gonna die!
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34 Okay, I'll take a sip of the potion.
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35 So, how many XPs do I get for this dead 12th level Anti-Paladin?
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36 So what happens if you're drained below level 1?
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37 The cleric doesn't have a CLW (cure light wounds; pron: clue).
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38 The thief shall FART (find and remove traps) in the room.
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39 The paladin easily casts Detect Evil on the twelve zombies.
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40 Wait... 4+2+7+3... 6% KO... no knockout.
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41 Whaddaya mean there was a water elemental in the toilet?!?
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42 What's the AC? AC 5, 6, 9, 10?
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43 What do you mean I can't climb a rotten rope in full armor?
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44 What the hell is a Xvart?
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45 Where's my lucky twenty sider?
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46 Why is the Dungeon Master smiling?
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47 You ask the impossible.
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48-50 REROLL
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TABLE 3: Dungeon Master Quotes (1d100/2 rounded down)
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1 100 experience for anyone who gets me a sandwich.
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2 A man in a dark robe suddenly appears.
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3 As you reach into your pouch, you realize your out o' coins.
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4 Body blow! Body blow! Upper-cut! Knock'em out!
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5 Hey who farted? Save versus stinking gas or die.
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6 His armor class is -10.
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7 Hold on, I'm reading.
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8 How 'bout a good game of Mazes & Monsters?
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9 I didn't see you roll that dice.
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10 I hold your fate in my hands.
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11 I know this group of friendly D&D'ers, want to come on over?
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12 I'm DM, go get me a Coke.
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13 Is the save it or above?
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14 Live and let die.
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15 Mono El Mono! Man To Man!
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16 Of course it's really dead.
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17 Picture this...
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18 Saving throws if you're an elf.
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19 Save vs. poison or DIE.
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20 Sometimes we go forward, but actually we go back.
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21 Suddenly.....All of a sudden.....
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22 That's it! I'm doing tons of damage!
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23 There is a fine line between role-playing and gibbering.
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24 There is dissension amongst the player characters.
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25 The sword seems to be stuck in your hands...it may be cursed.
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26 You didn't write it down!
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27 You must differentiate between player and character knowledge.
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28 You're separate entities from your characters.
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29 You're sitting in a tavern and a man approaches...
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30 You're walking in the woods and find stairs leading downward.
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31 You trip over the imaginary turtle that you thought wasn't there.
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32 What do you know, another hit; I've been lucky today.
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33 What do you mean 4 or less on 3d6?!
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34 What do you mean you don't know what a banded agate looks like?
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35 What's the marching order?
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36-50 REROLL
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These quotes were taken from my own campaign, movies, BITNET lists,
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other sources and from special contributors:
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(BITNET ADDRESS: 'swam1::miller_su'@swam1.enet.dec.com) times two
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(BITNET ADDRESS: roband@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au) Robert Andrew
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(BITNET ADDRESS: AR11598@SWTEXAS.BITNET) Adam "Capn' Blud" Rios
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(BITNET ADDRESS: steve@jetslag.cam.org) Steve Perkins
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(BITNET ADDRESS: KWR08495@ACUVAX.ACU.EDU)
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(BITNET ADDRESS: JLADUKE@RCNVMS.RCN.MASS.EDU) John
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