71 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
71 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
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Chemical Analysis
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Element : Woman
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Symbol : WO
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Discoverer: Adam
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Quantitative Analysis: Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging from
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25-10-20 to 60-55-60 have been identified.
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Occurance: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic
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singlet state. Surplus quantities found in all urban areas.
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Physical Properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely
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nothing, and freezes at a moments notice. Totally
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unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter
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if not well used. Found in various states, ranging from
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virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic, but can be
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attracted by coins and sport cars. In its natural shape
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the specimen varies considerably, but it is often changed
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artificially so well that the change is indiscernible
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except to the experienced eye.
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Chemical Properties: Has a great affinity for AU, AG, and C (in the crystalline
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form.) May give violent reaction if left alone. Will
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absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly desired
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reaction is initiated with various reagents (such as
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C(2)-H(5)-OH and sexy aftershave lotions.) An essential
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catalyst is often required (must say you love her at least
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five times daily). Reaction accelerates out of control
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when in the dark and all reaction conditions are suitable.
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Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure
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form. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. The
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reaction is highly exothermic.
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Storage: Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 28 years. A
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short time after this, specimens begin to deteriorate, sometimes
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rapidly.
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Uses: Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used on lonely
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nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared.) May be trained to cook
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food, although great care must be exercised.
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Tests: Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural state.
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Turns green if placed besides a better specimen. Turns blue if proper
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reaction conditions are not met. Often shows signs of illogical
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behavior patterns.
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Caution: Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego). Highly
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explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be used with great
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care if experiments are to succeed. Some of this species have been
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known to cause confused thinking and varying levels of insanity.
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Note: It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, however, a
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certain amount of exchange is permitted.
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