163 lines
8.4 KiB
Plaintext
163 lines
8.4 KiB
Plaintext
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Chapter 10
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GOOFY LAWS
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The following are bits excerpted from a book, itself almost
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one hundred years old:
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THE FAMOUS CONNECTICUT BLUE LAWS. - These laws, enacted
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by the people of the "Dominion of New Haven," became
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known as the blue laws because they were printed on blue
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paper. They were as follows: -
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The governor and magistrates convened in general
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assembly are the supreme power, under god, of the
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independent dominion. From the determination of the
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assembly no appeal shall be made.
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No one shall be a freeman or have a vote unless he
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is converted and a member of one of the churches
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allowed in the dominion.
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Each freeman shall swear by the blessed God to
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bear true allegiance to this dominion and that Jesus is
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the only king.
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No dissenter from the essential worship of this
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dominion shall be allowed to give a vote for electing of
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magistrates or any officer.
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No food or lodging shall be offered to a heretic.
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No one shall cross a river on the Sabbath but
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authorized clergymen.
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No one shall travel, cook victuals, make beds,
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sweep houses, cut hair, or shave on the Sabbath Day.
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No one shall kiss his or her children on the
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Sabbath or feasting days.
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The Sabbath Day shall begin at sunset Saturday.
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Whoever wears clothes trimmed with gold, silver,
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or bone lace above one shilling per yard shall be
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presented by the grand jurors and the selectmen shall
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tax the estate L300.
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Whoever brings cards or dice into the dominion
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shall pay a fine of L5.
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No one shall eat mince pies, dance, play cards, or
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play any instrument of music except the drum, trumpet,
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or jewsharp.
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No gospel minister shall join people in marriage.
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The magistrate may join them, as he may do it with less
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scandal to Christ's church.
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When parents refuse their children convenient
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marriages, the magistrate shall determine the point.
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A man who strikes his wife shall be fined L10.
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A woman who strikes her husband shall be punished
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as the law directs.
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No man shall court a maid in person or by letter
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without obtaining the consent of her parents; L5
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penalty for the first offense; L10 for the second, and
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for the third imprisonment during the pleasure of the
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court.
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MASSACHUSETTS BLUE-LAWS. - In regard to the so-called
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"blue-laws" of Massachusetts it is difficult to
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determine just where the line between fact and fancy is
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to be drawn. It is claimed that the founders of
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Connecticut borrowed most of their laws and judicial
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proceedings from Massachusetts. Many of these laws were
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enacted previous to 1640, and a number were the orders
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and sentences of the Massachusetts Court of Assistants
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and General Court. For instance, one order we find is
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as follows: "It is ordered, that all Rich. Clough's
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strong water shall presently be seazed upon, for his
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selling greate quantytie thereof to several men
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servants, which was the occasion of much disorder,
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drunkeness, and misdemeanor.
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Another record, in March, 1631, is to the effect
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that "Nieh. Knopp is fyned 5L for takeing upon him to
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cure the scurvey, by a water of noe worth nor value,
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which he solde att a very deare rate, to be imprisoned
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till hee pay his fine or give securitye for it, or else
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to be whipped; and shal be lyable to any man's action of
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whome he hath receved money for the said water.
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In September, 1636: Robert Shorthose, for swearing
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by the bloud of God, was sentenced to have his tongue
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put into a cleft stick, and to stand so by the space of
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haulfe an houre.
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- from The Century Book of Facts, 1900
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When Marquis de Pelier whistled at Queen Marie Antoinette, he
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was promptly thrown in jail and kept there for fifty years.
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Four hundred years ago in Turkey drinking coffee was illegal.
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The sentence: death.
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Anyone caught drunk in public in ancient China was put to
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death.
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In 1871, James Macandrew was the Chief Executive of Otago,
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New Zealand. He was ordered to go to debtors' prison. So, he
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declared a law that his home was a prison.
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When Peter the Great, who couldn't grow a respectable beard,
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was in power, any Russian who had a beard had to pay a beard tax.
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During the 1920's there was a law in Russia that all private
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automobiles (not ones used by the government) had to have a yellow
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stripe painted all the way around the whole body.
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It was illegal to teach evolution in Tennessee until 1968.
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In Massachusetts you can't legally use tomatoes in clam
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chowder.
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There is a man whose official name has been legally changed
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to Mr. 1069.
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According to one source, in Idaho it is illegal to give your
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lover a box of candy smaller than fifty pounds in weight. Another
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source stated that it is illegal to give any other citizen a box
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of candy weighing more than 50 pounds. In any case, the giving of
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huge quantities of candy is regulated in Idaho.
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There is a law against shooting rabbits from a New York City
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trolley car.
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In Texas when two trains meet at a crossing "neither shall
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proceed until the other has gone."
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You are violating the law if you mispronounce the name of
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Arkansas.
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In Memphis, Tennessee, a woman cannot legally drive unless
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there is a man running on foot ahead of her car with a red flag to
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warn motorists that a woman is driving.
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In Chaseville, New York, you may not "drive a goat past a
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church in a ridiculous fashion."
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In New York City is a special court that hears about 400
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complaints per day against taxi drivers. Since the cabbies in the
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Big Apple carry approximately 400,000 people per day, that means
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about one in every thousand passengers feel the need to bring a
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complaint against a driver.
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Overheard in court recently: A cab driver who had recently
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immigrated from Pakistan was in court because he punched a
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passenger. Asked why, the driver said, "In my country women
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aren't allowed to speak disrespectfully to a man."
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Many cabbies do not like this court because they have to
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waste hours waiting for their case to come up. In one case, a
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professor from Columbia University took a cab driver to court
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because he had made a face when he discovered the tip was a small
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one.
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Draft resisters take note: The U.S. Navy will not accept
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anyone with an obscene tattoo.
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All gondolas must be black in Venice. Only government
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officials are allowed fancy colors.
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Do not burn "offal" or bones, or grow ragweed in New York
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City. These are legal offenses.
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It is illegal in Arizona to hunt camels.
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