136 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
136 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
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+ Long Distance Companies! Ha! +
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+ +
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+ By: +
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+ +
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+ Phobos +
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+ +
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+ One of the Many Phringe Philes +
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+ all located at The Same Place: +
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+ +
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+ The Lunatic Phringe BBS +
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+ 312-965-3677 300/1200 Baud +
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+-------------------------------------
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Remember the good old days,
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when we all belonged to the same
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telephone company and phones were
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PHONES- black heavy objects that were
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routinely used in the movies as
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murder weapons [Try THAT with one of
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today's phones!]
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Also, they were permantly
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attatched to your house, and only
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trained Telephone Company Personnel
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could install them. This involved
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attaching four wires, but the
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Telephone Company always made it
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sound like brain surgery. It was
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part of the mistique. When you called
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for your installation appointment,
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the Telephone Company would say, "We
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will have an installer in your area
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between the hours of 9 a.m. Oct 3 and
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the following spring. Will someone
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be at home?" And you would say
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"Yes," if you wanted a phone. You
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would stay at home, the anxious
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hours ticking by, and you would wait
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for your Phone Man. It was as close
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as most people came to experiencing
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what heroin addicts go through,
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the difference being that heroin
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addicts have the option of going to
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another supplier. Phone customers
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didn't. They feared the Power of
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the Telephone Company.
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I remember, about 5 years ago,
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My dad obtained a Hot Phone. He
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hooked it up downstairs after
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running a wire from out legally
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wall mounted phone, to the basement.
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This gave my friends and I the
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capability of calling for a pizza
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without leaving the T.V. and
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couches downstairs. But we lived
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in fear because we knew we were
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breaking a rule, not a local, state
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or federal rule, but a Telephone
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Company rule. At any moment, agents
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of the Telephone Company,
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accompanied by heavy black dogs,
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might burst through the door and
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seize the Hot Phone and write our
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names down, and we would never be
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allowed to have phone service
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again. And the dogs would seize
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our pizza.
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So, the old Telephone Company
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could be tough, but at least you
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knew where you stood. You never had
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to think about your consumer long
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distance options. Wherees today you
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cannot turn on the television
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without seeing Cliff Robertson
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standing in some pathetic, rural
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community with a name like EYE
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SOCKET, or PIG SHIT, or DUST
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BOWL GULTCH, telling you that if
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you don't go with his phone company,
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you won't be able to call people in
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rural areas like this, (I'm sure you
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care) in case you ever had a reason
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to, such as you suddenly needed
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information about heifers. Which
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sounds reasonable, but then Burt
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Lancaster tells you what a jerk you
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are if you go with Cliff Because it
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costs more. But that's exactly what
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Joan Rivers says about Burt! And
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what about Liz? Surely Liz has a
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phone company!
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So, it is very confusing, and
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yet you are expected somehow to make
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the right consumer choice. They want
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you to fill out a BALLOT. And if you
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don't fill it out, they're going to
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ASSING YOU A RANDOM TELEPHONE
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COMPANY. Only God knoes what you
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could wind up with. You could wind
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up with the Soviet Union Telephone
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Company. You could wind up with one
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of those phone companies where you
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have to crank the phone, like on
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"Lassie,", or end up with your
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phone out on top of a 30 foot pole,
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like on "Green Acers", and the
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operator is always listening in,
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including when you call the doctor
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regarding intimate homorrhoidal
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matters.
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So you had better fill out
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your Ballot. I reccommend that you
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go with Jim & Ed's Telephone
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Co. & Radiator Repair. I say this
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because Jim and Ed feature a
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service contract whereby you pay
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a flat $15.00 a month, and if you
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have a problem, Jim or Ed will
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come out to your house (Jim is
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preferable because after 10 a.m.
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Ed likes to drink Night Train
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wine and shoot at religious lawn
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statuary) and have some coffe with
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you and tell you that he's darned
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if HE can locate the problem, but
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if he had to take a stab, he'd
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guess it was probbably somewhere
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in the wires.
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