informis/textfiles
1
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Pull Requests Packages Projects Releases Wiki Activity
master
textfiles/phreak/PHREAKING/tap-int.3.2

1016 lines
43 KiB
Groff
Raw Permalink Normal View History

Initial commit
2021-04-15 11:31:59 -07:00
EM: Hello out there! I am back and faced with a serious problem. All the new
warez people I used to write about, are gone! Not all, but almost all. I used
to rag on The Slutan, Robine Hude, Triple D, The Dung Master and some others
who were less fun, but the first three all got busted for phreaking {a riot,
but they aren't around to poke fun at anymore!} and Dung Master is nowhere to
be found. So you begin to appreciate the problems I face writing about new
warez people! They rotate "elites" too often to keep track of. My best rags
ever were The Rock and Gadget Slave, where are they now? I sure don't
know. Work is work, so I have to set my sights on who is left or who is new,
none of them are even worth the attention, but who am I supposed to write
about if all of them rotate so fast? I can always take the usual stab at
Disk Rider for selling his elite cracking secrets to Newarez Harbor, or Grape
Bandit for being such a liar about everything and turning into such a persona
non gratis, as a human. But what more can I say? even though both are doing
cheap, low and scummy things to make money, that's their business. Cold Rod?
Can't rag on him either, he doesn't do anything besides collect beer cans and
write space invaders copies. Exciting life. Anyway even I admit that Mauve Bag
is ok and that was just a cheap shot I could't resist. So I'm left with new
wares people to work with, such price art.
EM: Since new warez people all do more or less the same type of shitty little
things to each other and other people, I'll pick 6 names at random from the
latest crop. {reaching into the new warez people phone list and picking them
at random now}
EM: Look here, first one up is none other then {pause for dramatic effect}:
The Rabbitmen themselves! Wait a minute, editor! hey editor!
{What?}
EM: Is this for real?
{Is what for real?}
EM: The Rabbitmen? Who would name themselves something that lame?
{The Rabbitmen, that's who}
EM: Who are they and how am I supposed to write about them if I don't know
what they're doing?
{That's your problem, you're the MC}
EM: Oh all right, all right, go away you scum sucking pile of editorship you.
{That's $50 out of your next paycheck Elven.}
EM: Fuck you
{$75, want to go for $100}
EM: Uh.... no, no thanks. Go away and let me work.
EM: Since I'm short on time and short on things to ask these people, since they
don't do much, let's get going!
EM: Hello Rabbitmen! good to have you here.
RM: It's not good to be here, you're making us take time out from writing a
couple of lame rag files and besides, someone already did the Rabbitmen
Interviews, in all uppercase, trying {without success} to copy your original
style off the Tavern. A lot of us new warez people like to try to act like you,
you know?
EM: I know, that's because you're lame, even your attempts at borrowed humor
fall very short.
RM: We know, we can't help it.
EM: My update here says that in the short time you've been around, you've
somehow managed to get yourselves into wars with every other newarez group
around, why's that?
RM: We're worthless and need to center attention on ourselves in some way, so
if we can't crack and can't program, we get ourselves into as many wars as
possible, at least we get some attention that way.
EM: Makes sense in a new warez kind of way...... Do you think you could stop
doing that? I mean I care what Analog Gang, No Class, Catfur to Catfur and
you guys, have to say, about as much as I care about the mating habits of
siberian fleas. But without your "group" there to start them up, they stay
quiet, "crack" their wares, get into long drawn out disputes about who b942'd
a ware 36 seconds before anyone else, who double released who, and maybe add a
rag page or two, but we aren't forced to read all their attempts at humor in 4
part, 100 sector files that aren't funny.
RM: We can't stop, that's the only thing keeping our group together.
EM: I thought your "group" fell apart anyway. Didn't everyone quit or get
thrown out or something?
RM: We went on another members drive, we're back to full capacity again.
EM: Do you think you could keep your arguements on rag pages and your own
boards, so we aren't forced to see files explaing why the Crumb Monster took
a name from sesame street, or explanations of why King Sauron is a original
name and other great info like this?
RM: We'll try, but I'm afraid we don't "crack" enough wares to keep up with
our shit list and rags.
EM: Try harder.
RM: Ok we will, can we go now?
EM: Yes, get out of my sight.
RM: Thanks.
EM: God, that was bad. I'd forgotten how awful it is trying to talk with new
warez people. I hate this job. {Randomizing another name}, it looks like we
have with us, none other then: The Trucker!
EM: Hey TT, good to have you with us. So....... who are you anyway?
TT: You mean you haven't heard of me?!??! I'm the best sysop, programmer,
text file writer, pirate, everything!!!!!!!
EM: Your name doesn't remind me of anything, want to give me some examples of
things you've done?
TT: Sure! I always love to talk about myself. The first thing I ever wrote was
a patch for catsend.
EM: Oh, you fixed it up for long distance?
TT: No, no, I added a 8 phase spinning cursor and made it lose characters when
you typed faster then 5 words a minute.
EM: Hey, that's cool! I think I remember that one, you put like these
)=-++*&^%{([> The Trucker! <])}%^&*++-=( around your name right?
TT: Yup! That was me all right!
EM: Tell me more, this sounds cool!
TT: Sure! Why don't I tell you about my specialty! Writing 100 sector text
files about things so ridiculous, that people wonder whether I'm serious!
I always start them with a message saying "This file is totally in 80 columns
and lowercase", add about 90 lines of credits, thanks to's, call these rad
boards, then get to the file itself. In the past I wrote a 90 sector file
reviewing joysticks, an {cut}
EM: You didnt!
TT: Heh, sure did! Then I wrote about 40 different "patches" for catfur that
didn't do anything usefull. 2 of the best ones changed the prompt and fixed
the Macron's typo. They were each 20 sectors, 18 sectors for the credits and
2 sectors for the rad spots to sector edit. Then I wrote a scanner which didn't
work, I don't scan but I wrote it to make people think I'm rad. Then I took
credit for having the first new wares scan in catfur even though the Western
Alliance had it 5 months before I did, then I called my board RAPS, the Retard
Alliance Pr0fessi0nal system! That means I made lots of modz to the Macron's
Catsend online run board he wrote before writing catfur. and {cut}
EM: Did you ever do anything, that, well, you know...... was usefull for
anything?
TT: Sure! I put together a 50 sector program that said I'm starting a new
group, it didn't last too long, but it was rad, then I always like to tell
people to call my board because I don't phreak and I'm too cheap to call them.
I can't understand why none of them ever take me up on my offer and call. And
then I put together a collection of my lame mods into one file, that never
went anywhere and nobody ever used for anything. Then I put together the hard
drive survival pack which had a bunch of fids and my usual credits that took
up 3/4 of the disk and didn't work right. I also like to dedicate warez to
philip esterhaus who has been running a lame board called the pirates chip for
4 years and still doesn't have any users. It's a unmodded t-net, I told him I
could change the print's and make all kinds of cool mods to it, but he didn't
want me to for some reason and then I wrote a full disk transfer program for
the micromodem! cool huh? I did not change the print statements on teleporter
and take credit for writing it! that wasn't me, someone used my name to do that
thing. And.. {cut}
EM: It's good to kn.....
TT: ..then I came out with a full disk mods file for telecat that came out 4
weeks after telecat /// came out with the Macron's 202 1200 mod and claimed
that I was the first person to mod telecat for 202, I was on vacation at the
time though so I couldn't release it untill a month after those losers put it
out and I wrote catdos and didn't get credit for it, then I wrote a 5 page
ad for my board saying it kicked ass all over telecat, who wants all those
features anyway? huh? All a good board needs is a new wares scan. Then I said
the Macron was a good friend of mine and gave me the catfur source code, then
I wrote 5 files asking someone to call the Macron and ask him if I could have
a copy of his source code, I could never make up my mind. Then I claimed to
have sourced catfur and said it was bug free. This was 2 days before someone
crashed my board 4 times in a row and downloaded my elite software and then
gave it out, then I spent 3 months telling people how the Macon who is a good
friend of mine was working on catfur 4 with me, meanwhile the Macron had sold
his Apple and had a Amiga for the last 4 months, why didn't anyone tell me
before I made a total moe of myself?
EM: dude, that's cool but I.......
TT: ......ignoring all these setbacks I still had the best board in the whole
world, untill my Sider blew up and put everyone out of their misery. I decided
to take my board down then. But now I'm back and better then ever with another
lame ware to rival all others! the catfur patch pack! It doesn't have any
patches that I wrote, what it has is the first installment of stupid text trix!
Kind of like Letterman's stupid pet trix! Everything you never wanted to know
about such elite stuff like SLOW TYPE! and cool modz for catfur and ae that I
didn't come up with, that have been out for 2 years, but I collected them
together and took credit for them anyway!
EM: dude! shut up! Is there anything you ever did that was original or that
was of any use to anyone? What I'm asking is did you ever write anything that
anyone besides you, used?
TT: Well no but...
EM: Thank you.
TT: But I did take credit for typing up some programs from Nibble then saying
I discovered them before Nibble did and I have so many cool modz like the
new and improved beep in applesoft! And all..
EM: Dude, don't spaz out on me. Why do you write all this shit that nobody
wants to use? and why do you lie about so much stuff.
TT: I never lie!
EM: Ok, why do you twist dates around then and claim your programs were before
the real versions.
TT: I didn't! I didn't! mine were the first, the first! the first! they were!
EM: Ok, ok, calm down, you're right, they were I'm sure. Now, you didn't
answer me, why write all this lame shit?
TT: Because I secretly hope people will admire me for it.
EM: Oh.
TT: Is it working???
EM: Uh...... yeah, I'm sure it is, keep it up. Ok I gotta go dude, more
interviews to do.
TT: Ok! This has
Been written in 80 columns and lowecase! )+_&*^&%*&^ The Trucker @(*&#$**#$#@#(
is elite! He has all the modz, all the programz, he does it all! He's the best
sysop ever, like Phil is. I want to dedicate this interview to my mother with
out who I would never have been born. I also want to thank.......{cut}
EM: dude, sh.......
TT: Give me a program, any program and I will add some lame and useless modz to
it, write a 300 sector file explaing the modz, of which most will be credits
and thanks messages, then I will sector edit 5 lines of !@(*#$*(!#&*!@#!@#!@#
with my name inside of it, in the main menu of the ware, then I will claim to
be best friends with the programmer, then I.......{cut}
EM: Dude, get the fuck out!
TT: Wait, I'm not done with my credits yet! Give me a program, any program. And
I will make it stop working! that's my motto. This file is (C) copyright by me
the Trucker, so don't you dare steal it becuz all rightz are reserved. I saw
that written somewhere so I used it and.......{cut}
EM: If you don't leave, I'll tell everyone about that copy of "Best of Nibble"
you're holding.
TT: You wouldn't!
EM: I would. You have 5 seconds.
TT: {Gets a terrified look on his face and starts to run}
EM: {turning on the fan, it smells in here} Randomizing again, this gets so
boring, Gemmy wherever you are, come home! I need someone fun to rag on! Lets
see who I get this time. {getting name}: @@ The Looker @@
EM: Uh.. Good to see you Looksy, yeah good to see you. Uh... Editor! Who the
hell is this guy? Hand me the notes fast!
TL: It's great to be here, anything to push my name a little farther you know!
EM: Uh yeah I know {getting notes} {reading notes} My god! I've gotten a new
new new warez person! I remember you now! You appeared in Jan of 1986 on the
crashers board on the Tavern asking for the bugs in Catfur and Telecat and got
ragged off the sub for being such a loser.
TL: Heh, that's me all right!
EM: I still remember one of your best "Are there any backdoors in the Telecat
obj?". I almost died laughing!
TL: Is it my fault that I can't read source listings? What do you want? I still
don't know what SPC () means!
EM: Oh that, that's a built in applesoft phreak command, it dials the # in the
parentheses using Sprint! (very subtle "in" joke just too place. If you have
"F.R.E.S.H." type "beer" at the main menu for a great big surprise!)
TL: Cool! another m0d!
EM: Speaking of m0dz, that's your claim to fame! M0dding Telecat's so they have
20 redundant commands and work at 1/2 normal speed. Rad!
TL: I know, thank you.
EM: So tell me, what's the secret of your cool m0dz?
TL: Oh all right! I have 2 programming secrets and being the new warez kind of
guy that I am, I might as well pass them around! The first secret of my m0dz is
a telephone #!
EM: A telephone #? I don't get it?
TL: Not just any telephone #! Ms. Slick's telephone #! This ties in with my
second m0d secret!
EM: Which is?
TL: The Western Alliance!
EM: I'm lost.
TL: Western Alliance is this board in NJ that had the original Telecat ///. The
sysop was making stupid m0dz for almost a year, it has even more stupid m0dz
then my versions of Telecat! So one day around christmass I logged in, tried
every option, saved it to buffer and from this got my "idea" for cool m0dz for
Telecat! I still haven't gotten around to copying all of his m0dz, but I'm
working on it!
EM: Heh, sounds like a new warez kind of thing to do! But where does the
telephone # come in?
TL: It's Ms. Slick's.
EM: And?
TL: Do I have to spell it out for you?
EM: Uh.. yeah I think so.
TL: I call him up, read back the Western Alliance buffers and ask him to
program in those m0dz so I can put my name on it! Ms. Slick could write a
board in his sleep and he doesn't want credit for lame m0dz to Telecat, but
I do! So we made a deal- I call him up, ask him to write my m0dz for me and
in return I promise not to drag his name into this and to stop kissing his
ass in public! cool huh?
EM: It r0x layk an 0x! So your Telecat /// are the original m0dz from the
Western Alliance, programming by Ms. Slick and what do you do?
TL: I add my name to it.
EM: Oh.. sounds rad! So what do you do when you aren't calling the Western
Alliance or other boards looking for m0dz to steal and have Ms. Slick program
in for you?
TL: I like to spend my time calling Tom E. Sock, Enson Porker, {anyone who will
talk to me without slamming the phone down actually} Dolton {never could
understand him, but I can tell people I talk to him!} and practice my ass
kissing and maybe beg for the latest beta copy so I can call up boards and post
messages saying I have a new elite beta copy of a new elite ware! I also like
to rag on the losers that leak out secret, elite, awesome, new warez without
my permission, even when the author says its ok. {like No-Furs 1.1} When I grow
up I want to be just like Skip Avatar & Captain Rooney!
EM: A worthy goal if there ever was one. Say, didn't Enson Porker and you have
some kind of dispute?
TL: He's lame now.
EM: I thought you were saying he was great only a few weeks ago?
TL: I changed my mind.
EM: I see. And what's this problem with Apple Manor?
TL: There's no problem, they're the problem! Just because they're one of the
oldest surviving pirate boards left, doesn't mean they can get that kind of
uppity attitude with me!
EM: Uppity attitude?
TL: They expected me to pay, ME!!?!? Can you imagine that? They just don't
understand who I am, so I'm going to take my eliteness somewhere else now!
EM: I thought you were deleated?
TL: Well I've never been party to such lies! Deleated me?!?! hahahhahahahahaha
that'll be the day, just watch if I recommend Apple Manor to any new warez
kidz, I meant real pirates.
EM: So where did you take your eliteness, TIMECOR?
TL: No, they wanted me to pay too.
EM: I see. so?
TL: I started a new warez network with Ms. Slicks programming and The Finder
201's m0dz, it's called C0sm0s, original name huh?
EM: Good life. Anyhow it's been great, but I have more interviews to do, so
fuck off ok?
TL: Sure dude, did you spell my name right? Do you want me to add my name to
your file?
EM: Go away, get out!
TL: If you didn't spell my name right I could spell it for you, or even get
someone else to spell it and...
EM: {getting a .45}
TL: {Screaming and running, but not before scrawling his name in 3 foot
letters with a green crayola on the wall}
EM: Your mother the cleaning lady is going to have to clean that up you know.
{couldn't resist that one} I feel sick, nauseous, revolted, new warezness is
so..... new wareish. I'm glad most people outgrow it so you don't have to deal
with old warez kids {the horror} Speaking of old warez kidz, I have a very
special guest here with me tonight, please give a warm welcome to a charter
member of R&R-RRRR, otherwise known and hated as The Knight, the definition of
old warezness, the example of what happens to new warez kidz that never grow
up: Skip Avatar & Captain Rooney! {SC}
EM: Good to see you again Skip, or do you prefer Captain?
SC: I'm not Captain Rooney damnit! And I'm not Pete, my name is Dan and my
handle is Skip Avatar.
EM: Uh..... right Skip, I buy that. {turning to audience} don't you? I mean
it's only you against.... everyone who lives within 50 miles of you and knows
who you are.
SC: ArghhhhhhhhhhhhhH! They aren't elite enough to shine my shoes, they don't
know who I really am. I'm so slick I fooled them all! ha ha! They didn't even
blink when I slickly told them my name was Pete, but I lied! Yes I lied! And
Gadget Slave is wrong! Are you really going to beleive someone who can't
even "crack" a copya ware?
EM: No, which is the same reason I don't think he's smart enough to come up
with this....... The worlds first pirate with schizophrenia which somehow
develops when everyone starts to hate you.
SC: Ohhhhhh that Larry gets me so steamed, what is he? What's he ever done in
his life? Nothing I tell you! Nothing, the highest pinnacle of his career was
being mentioned in Tap.Interviews I. What does he know? He talked to Lord
Analog 3 times in his whole life! hah! I talk to his answering service at
least 3 times every hour. Hah, I'm so elite th....
EM: Ok calm down skip, I can see you're a very elite kinda guy and you're
not Captain Rooney despite everyone who ever knew you saying so. They're
wrong, you're right and your secret identity hasn't been penetrated.
SC: Damn right! Some humphings (C): Why did you type Skip in lowercase in the
previous paragraph? Why do you type this way? Why are your shoelaces green?
Why back in the old days, the old pirates and I wouldn't be caught dead in
green shoelaces, Humph! All these new warezerz running around, thinking they
know what they're doing. Humph! Damn fools they are, I'll set them straight,
take it from...... from..... from....... say..... what am I anyway? I never
cracked anything, I never did anything, I've been around for ages, but what
did I ever do?
EM: You got them all.
SC: Yeah, yeah that's right isn't it. I do have them all {Skip begins to smile
and rub his hands together}
EM: Skip.... calm down now.
SC: Yes I certainly do, from the most insignificant ][+ ware all the way to
applications software for a Cray, can't use it, but what the fuck! I got it
anyway, few thousand reels of magtape along with my shoeboxes of warez and
I even kept some cassette warez from the old days an....
EM: Uh Skip, easy boy, I th....
SC: Then next to the Ethereal Access disks which don't exist and I never had
and never did the title page for {someone snuck into my room, booted up my
graphics program, made it, put my name on it, then gave it to Lord Analog and
told him he was me, yeah that's it!} and never even heard of, behind the
latest update of Modem Manager {I don't have that either, don't you think
I would have uploaded it if I had it? {Skip starts to laugh}} are my source
code volumes. Yup, source code for everything ever written anywhere. It's not
much but I'm working on expanding my source collection to include everything
that ever might be written if I can get ahold of Lord Analog to give me his
Astral Algorithm for doing that, of course I don't really know Lord Analog,
did I just say I did? silly me, must have been 20 seconds ago, ignore that,
I never said it either, it's all a rumor being spread and furthermore I...
EM: Skip STOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! Cut it out! I get the picture.
SC: What picture?
EM: You got them all.
SC: Are you trying to call me a new warez kid?
EM: No, nope, never even suggested that, I wouldn't call someone who is 25 a
new warez kid.
SC: Good, I hate those new warez kidz, running around always getting new warez,
Humph (C), what a bunch of non pirates.
EM: Uh, yeah, I agree Skip, anything you want to say?
SC: Yeah, I'm not Captain Rooney, Ethereal Access doesn't exist, if it does
exist I don't know anything about it, if I do know something about it, I most
assuredly didn't do the title page, if I did the title page, it's not my fault
for doing it, my name is Dan not Pete, I don't live in Brooklyn, I don't have
Modem Manager just like I didn't have Ethereal Access, I never wear green
shoelaces and all real pirates don't and I'm much too elite to be talking to
you right now, besides in another 92 seconds I have to go insert a new disk
into the drive.
EM: I understand. Thanks for your time and eliteness and clarifications that
clear up a lot of rumors that I know aren't true, you never lie about anything
Skip, I'm firmly convinced of that. Thanks again.
SC: It's all right, have to talk to the lower classes sometimes I guess, it's
the price one pays for thinking he's great, I mean for being great, I mean for
knowing, I mean, I mean, I.. I mean.... nevermind, I never said that. Did you
hear it? I didn't, what are you talking about anyway. Gotta go, if you try to
engage me in any form of conversation in the future, I will ignore you, or
come back with a answer that has nothing to do with the question. You're
welcome and Bye-Bye! {like in catfur!} ^C
EM: I don't know about you, but that has left me excited. The first interview
{and the last} that was even worth doing. Back to the randomizer, I find that
my next interview will be {random, random, random, random}: The D0x!
EM: My god! Another old warez kid, I mean pirate!
TD: I'm back!
EM: Did you leave?
TD: I retired on The Tavern! remember?
EM: Not really, I never paid that much attention to you, because you never said
anything on The Tavern.
TD: That's because I didn't want to get ragged on!
EM: Good reason.
TD: I'm back!
EM: You said that already.
TD: But you didn't get my hint and ask me why I came back!
EM: Because I don't want to know, I wish you would have some willpower and
stay gone if you say you're going to quit, then quit damnit! You think anyone
wants to hear about your comings and goings?
TD: Yes, I'm very elite.
EM: No arguement there, almost a perfect new warez elite.
TD: Did you want access to my elite, uncrashable, awesome, 2 drive, private,
very rad, the first ever, pirate board?
EM: As a matter of fac....
TD: I wrote the software myself, awesome huh? Here, fill out this 16 sector
application form for joining and you'll be all set if we decide to vote you on.
EM: I don't want to call it.
TD: {Sputtering} You don't want to call it? What's wrong with you?
EM: What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you! What makes you think anyone
cares about a 2 drive board with you as a sysop!
TD: I'll have you know it was the first pirate board ever! ever!!!!!
EM: As far as I know, Pirate's Cove, Pirate's Chest and Pirate's Harbor,
were the first three in that order. Then came 500 more between the late 70's
and when Spectrum first went up.
TD: Did not did not!!!!! noooooo, I was the first, I was, I'm covering my ears
I can't hear these lies anymore, did not, did not, did no....
EM: Ok, shut up! You were the first, sure you were, it's a awesome board and
I wish I was on it.
TD: {blowing nose and drying tears} you do? Of course you do, everyone does,
it's the greatest board ever! Here have a application form!
EM: I wasn't serious, I just want you to shut up and calm down. Jesus, what's
wrong with you anyway?
TD: I climbed the ropes of piracy and after a long and hard struggle learned
the secret of eliteness!
EM: Which is?
TD: The secret is form over content! just like Miami Vice! You don't have to be
good at anything to be elite! Look at me! What can I do? Not a damn thing! And
I'm even in Elites Anonymous!
EM: It's been great D0x, thanks for your awesome time.
TD: The d0x r0x layk an 0x! Call Spectrum Elite!!!!! 213-you-fool! hahahahaahah
doesn't that break you up? 213-you-fool! hhahahahahaha.
EM: Calm down and get out.
TD: You haven't filled out the form yet!
EM: {reaching for the .45 again}
TD: The d0x r0x layk an 0x! I'm elite I am! elite elite elite elite! hhahahahah
213-you-fool! hahahahahahahhaha {The D0x starts running} {@@ The Looker's @@
crayola has been joined by a pink spray painted 213-you-fool. Such slobs}
EM: Where's the Swine Sty when you need a real board or The Tavern, this is
like a nightmare come true. If people had told me it would be like this, oh
forget it, I'm starting to sound like Skip Avatar, better watch myself or I
might get the urge to start playing pinball construction set. I'm talking to
myself too, not a good sign.
EM: Here comes my last interview, thank god. For my last interview ever, I'm
going to talk to {random, random, random, random, random, random some more,
random, random}: The Banshe
EM: Great to have you here Banshe!
TB: Yeah, It's your pleasure. You're interupting my career of piracy you know?
I was just talking with The Macron and The Underlord, did I tell you that I did
almost all the work on Dog-Fur 1.1? Anyhow, they're working on Amiga-Fur using
Abasic, should be done, by 1989 or so.
EM: It's interesting you should bring that up, I remember the Goonif, Dr Macro,
Finder 714 and me ragged you into the dust for that. Funniest thing I ever did
see, someone calling it a "career", I almost had a heart attack from laughing
so long.
TB: Yes well, I didn't expect you to understand. My career was facing serious
problems, what with Extension 300 breaking up and all the new warez kidz, I
meant software buyers, I meant pirates, in it quitting. I had no group left
and I found that my group was the only group that would take me. So it was a
very bad time for my career and looks terrible on my pirates resume'. Besides
I was unprepared for the terror of not being in a group and having 20 people
automatically agree with me whenever I said something really dumb. Oh yes, did
I mention that I did almost all the work on Dog-Fur 1.1?
EM: Yes you did. Then after Skip Avatar calling you a loser after all of us,
you posted 3 consecutive messages threatening to quit, when everyone told you
to please go ahead and quit, you stopped posting and claimed you didn't read
that board anymore.
TB: Ragging is so immature. I won't tolerate it, people questioning my over-
whelming knowledge. How many people can say they talk to Macron and Underlord
12 hours a day? How many people can say they did almost all the work on Dog-Fur
1.1? huh? not many I'll say. By the way, did I mention that I did almost all
the work on Dog-Fur 1.1?
EM: Actually, anyone can say that with about as much truth as you. Dog-Fur
was a standard for about 45 minutes on some boards in Alaska that thought it
was a great advance over their previous wares program: Data Capture. Everyone
else ignored it and nowhere on the ware do I see your name. All I see is a
T.M/T.O - THE AMIGA GURUS! and the Macron's usual credits.
TB: Yes well that was The Macron/B.E.
EM: BE?
TB: Before Enson.
EM: What happened after Enson?
TB: His name went away. Enson took full credit for writing No-Fur, added some
new bugs, made it longer, made it require 64K dos, fixed it so it wouldn't
work with enhanced Apple's, added so many beeps and bops to it that if you use
it at night you have to disconnect your speaker and then ragged on the Macron
in his dox.
EM: Sounds cool.
TB: It was. I'd do the same if I could steal the source code somewhere.
EM: I'm sure Skip has it, he has it all.
TB: Skip won't talk to me, he thinks I'm not elite for some reason. Can you
imagine the nerve of that man? Humph (R)
EM: No..... could never figure it out myself.
TB: Did I meantion that I did almost all the work on Dog-Fur 1.1?
EM: Yeah you did.
TB: Just making sure.
EM: Is there anything you want to say? Anything at all?
TB: Yes, I'm never going to quit. In fact I'm going to keep calling every
board I can get on, post my world weary style, 5 part messages, saying how
I talked to The Macron, Underlord and Disk Rider for the last 4 weeks, say
how cool all the Amiga warez are and talk about the "old days" when
Extension 300 was just starting.
EM: I remember that one fondly too. You were a very funny guy without even
trying to be you know that? "Old days when Extension 300 was starting" was
one of your best!
TB: You're making fun of me, wouldn't you say late 1985 is old?
EM: Not really.
TB: Oh. By the way, did I mention that I did almost all the work on Dog-Fur?
EM: Many times. Listen, if you're so tired of it all, as I've said a million
times on the Tavern, with so many people agreeing, we're also all very tired
of you, so why don't you quit? Everyone would be happier!
TB: I'm not really tired of it. How can anyone who's tired or bored of it,
call boards as much as I do?
EM: Why don't you quit anyway, as a kind of public service.
TB: It wouldn't look good on my resume'.
EM: Oh, I forgot.
TB: Did I mention that I did almost all the work on Do....
EM: Get out, I want to go home and get this over with.
TB: No need to be rude. Humph (R)
EM: You aren't going to give me any problems?
TB: Of course not!
EM: Good, get out then.
TB: Ok, but did I mention that I did almost all the work on Dog-F...
EM: {reaching for the .45 as usual}
TB: {Running and screaming over his shoulder "Did I mention that I talked to
Disk Rider the other night? Oh yeah did I tell you I did almost all the.......}
EM: {blam} {blam}
TB: {thud}
EM: So much for the Banshe. That felt good, in fact it felt so good that I
think I want to do it some more. Hmmm, how does this strike you?
Elven Vigilante!
EM: Too gauche? It needs a little work, but for now this is over! yes over! I
can go home now and get away from these disgusting new warez people. It's been
awful. What's the world coming to? Rock come home, all is forgiven!
{Editor's notes} The following people bear no resemblance to these people.
{In approximate order of appearance}
Live Lord WAS NOT Dead Lord
Elven Magician WAS NOT Elven Wizard
Lord Analog WAS NOT Lord Digital
King Blutto WAS NOT King Blotto
Lex Loother WAS NOT Lex Luthor
Mr. Canon WAS NOT Mr. Xerox
Bioc Agent 000 WAS NOT Bioc Agent 003
Mark Tabs and Karl Lenin WERE NOT Mark Tabas and Karl Marx
The Goonif WAS NOT The Gonif
Minimal Element WAS NOT Criminal Element
The Instigator WAS NOT The Infiltrator
The Shitman WAS NOT The Hitman
The Molecule WAS NOT The Atom
Ethereal Access WAS NOT Phantom Access
Bluttoland WAS NOT Blottoland
The Blutto Box WAS NOT The Blotto Box
Christ's Cathedral WAS NOT Satan's Stronghold
$$$L0D/L0H$$$ WAS NOT $$$LOD/LOH$$$
The Slutan WAS NOT The Sultan
Robine Hude WAS NOT Robin Hood
Triple D WAS NOT Double D
The Dung Master WAS NOT The Dungeon Master
The Rock WAS NOT The Gem
Gadget Slave WAS NOT Gadget Master
Disk Rider WAS NOT Disk Jockey
Newarez Harbor WAS NOT Pirates Harbor
Grape Bandit WAS NOT Apple Bandit
Cold Rod WAS NOT Hot Rod
Mauve Bag WAS NOT Black Bag
The Rabbitmen WERE NOT The Bunnymen
Analog Gang WAS NOT Digital Gang
No Class WAS NOT First Class
Catfur to Catfur WAS NOT Coast to Coast
The Crumb Monster WAS NOT The Cookie Monster
King Sauron WAS NOT Lord Sauron
@@ The Looker @@ WAS NOT ## The Watcher ##
The Western Alliance WAS NOT The Eastern Alliance
Ms. Slick WAS NOT Mr. Slick
Tom E. Sock WAS NOT Tom E. Hawk
Enson Porker WAS NOT Enson Parker
Dolton WAS NOT Dalton
Skip Avatar and Captain Rooney WERE NOT Skip Rooney and Captain Avatar
*WHO ISN'T The Knight WHO ISN'T The Bishop WHOSE NAME ISN'T Dan WHO ISN'T Pete*
The D0x WAS NOT The Doc
Finder 714 WAS NOT The Tracer (714)
Finder 201 WAS NOT The Tracer (201)
No-Fur WASN'T Cat-Fur or Trans-Fur
The Swine Sty WAS NOT The Pig Sty
213-you fool ISN'T 213-391-6835
The Banshe WAS NOT The Banshee
The Macron WAS NOT The Micron
Dr. Macro WAS NOT Dr. Micro
The Underlord WAS NOT The Overlord
Dog-Fur 1.1 WAS NOT Dog-Fur 1.1
The Trucker WAS NOT The Tracker
Extension 300 WAS NOT Extension 1200
Retard Alliance Pr0 System WAS NOT RAPS
Krak0ritz WAS NOT Kracowicz
Dull Gillette WAS NOT Sharp Razor
Your Mother ISN'T REALLY Your Mother
$$#> The Infiltrat0r! #3 <#$$
91-Apr-1902 : 37:04:21:32 QDT
$$$$> The Infiltrat0rz! <$$$$
TRW/CBI/VISA/AMEX/DINERS CLUB
++++ !Cat Fuckers Elite! ++++
+_) Club Y (_+_) *ELITE2* (_+
!%=% TK0S 2 THE HERETIC! %=%!
!=[] The 0uter Triangle! []=!
-======> L0D/L0H/L0C <======-
\!The S0phtware Brigardz!#1!/
++_+) The Baud Thieves! (+_++
+* Metal Avengerz Elite!!! *+
==] !C0tt0n Sh0ppe Elite! [==
[!S0pht/]-[ard/Ph!rm/Freakz!]
(>Phake/Phalse/Ph0ny/Ph00lz<)
{Phuck/Phlake/Phruit/Phlegm!}
{}Rulerz 0f The Wastelandz!{}
+==- Purpel Sh0pping Bag -==+
I would like to thank my good friend Rabid Rasta and
J0hnny The Avenger
Of the Knights of Mysterious Keyboards & The Metal F0rcez of D00m.
Call:
Metal F0rcez F0rtrezz 0f Elite D00m IV.............................408-Eat-Me!!
Tranfurz of Elitenezz XXIV.........................................514-You-Suck
L0d00m base B0red 92...............................................305-Lex-D00m
Mental Hideaway Astral Elite 90000 meg.............................212-Dig-ital
Mental Hideaway Ethereal Elite 90000 meg ][........................216-Blo-tto!
The Elite Hacker Board of Elite Eliteness with newscan!............617-Yeh-IROC
Sputum Elite 1 drive/1 ramcard/1 computer with 48k.................213-you-f00l
This file was in 80 columns and lower case! (I always wanted to say that) It
came in 190 seperate filez.
It's exactly 159,000 sectors long. So if yours isn't that long, you know
somone did something to it! See, it's usefull to put the length of the file
inside of the file, in case people mod it. You know, they'd never think to
remove it's original length and substitute the new length right?
--- ERROR 99! CAT-FUR ABORTED! huh? wazzat?
Cool!
{One little message to all you little r0dentz out there gett!nk redey 2 b00t
mag!< w!nd0w and becum fam0us:
Rekwirementz for writing Tap.Interviez seekwellz!
Must be at least 185 Apple-DOS sektorz. If you can get it to be eggzacktly 185
sekt0rz, you get a kopy of Phant0mz Ph0rty! even better then Gat0! If your
reel lucky we'll throw in a kopy of integer basick! a hot new language! soon
to replace Apples0pht!}
{Tap.Interviews! The saga kontinuez!}
{g0tta take 0ph n0w, I'm writing mah magnum 0puz: Phall of the m0tem werld,
part ][! It'z gunna take up 12 unidisks at least!}
{A brief interlude of seriousness}
"Fall of the Modem World": What can I say about it? In SOOOOOO many ways I
loved it and it says a lot of things I would have wanted to say myself. But the
dude (Chris) fucks it up. He starts talking about the way things "SHOULD" be.
Which is a load of shit. He attempts to look at it from a unattached point of
view and gets too deaply involved in whats wrong with everything. And to top
it off he writes way too much heresay about people he doesn't know at all (like
3/4 of the people he wrote about) and is only repeating things other people
told him, which weren't true. Specifically in one section he says he never met
The Plague, then in the next he says he did. While it was "Charged Particle"
who he met at TAP (the elite starting place of all this) as explained by the
person himself in the PA (Phantom Access) Miscdisk's.
{Gad, I'm glad thatz 0ver with!}
See ewe laterz!
***Captain Avata
oh shit! I almost disclosed my sekret identity!
***Skip Rooney
NYPA!/Co-founder!
(EPG)/Co-founder!
Aktully, my pers0nal preztige philled "G0lden D!pshit 0skar M0tem Award"
g0es 2:
Skip Rooney, in the all around "dipshit of all trades" categ0ry.
The D0><, Sherl0ck Apple & the !nc0gnit0 share the spotlight for "Piratez wh0
kant d0 anything, but are detirmed to stick around for at least a decade bef0re
finding something worthwhile to do with their lives, like w0rk at K-mart".
]_e>< ]_00ther, takes the "Real world? whats that, isn't that like when I call
a number on my modem or copy some books by hand or something?" award. He'll be
eligible f0r the even m0re prestig0us Platnum D!pshit 0skar M0tem Award, if he
sticks around for at least 2 m0re years. (Talk about no life!)
And the prestige fulled G0lden Fr00tkake award goes to three people as a
k0mmunitye eph0rt! n0ne 0ther than ]_0r[> [>!g!ta]_, ]<![\]g B]_0tt0 and
T]-[e <ra<]ker (B!lly Landgreth). Ahl three are the bas!s 0ph mah gnu the0rie
kawled the "wrapar0und the0ry!" when a elytez IQ h!tz ab0ve 160, it wrapz
ar0und bak t0 zer0! Just l00k at the living pr00f and tell me ahm wr0ng!!?!!
King Bl0tt0 gets speshul menti0n as the immature dumbass 0f this tri0, being 24
and the 0ldest 0f the bunch. L0rd D!g!tal gets speshul mention as being m0st in
need 0f psykiatrik help in the sh0rtest am0unt 0f t!me (Be!ng !8 & already a
vegetable! !t t00k Bl0tt0 6 yearz l0nger t0 get there!) and B!lly <ra<ker getzz
speshul menti00n ph0r taking st00pid ideaz phar en0ugh to kill himself 0r at
leazt p00f 0ph the phace 0f the earth t0 _/o!n sum m00n!e <ult. <ra<ker B!llz
gnu name is Wang-Rubbahanadna Bookooruma Swami BabaTrs80IBMJi. Male kahn be
sent t0 heem c/0 The h0ly enlightenment l0ngevity Rajneezsh klini< 0f Newark.
Special Menti0n g0ez t0:
King Blotto, 0phicial ELiTE pr0t0type dipshit.
Lord Digital, for arrogance beyond the kawl of duty & m0st brain cells fried in
0ne year.
LOD, for l0ngest lasting ASSociation of people over 20, who still can't find
anything else to do with their lives besides kawl b0rdz and akt elyte.
Metal Shoppe, for basing a entire image on a lame heavy metal syndicated sh0w.
St00pid Signiture tributes g0 t0:
$=$=$=$BIOC Agent 003
<=-*-=>TKOS
$=$=$=$Fargo 4a
<=-*-=>Phreak Sysop!
{BIOC's signiture fluctuated betwwen 4 and 10 lines depending on what he was
a member of, or what he was calling at the time. This is one dude who never
let it go at "BIOC" or anything like that.}
Majestically Yours,
King Blotto
Lod/H
.../\^ Lord Digital ^/\...
)=-> TKOS <-=(
{anybody even remember when he put that stupid waveform shape on either side of
his name? Yearz and yearz and yearz ago}
$$Lex Luthor and The Legion of Doom!
***Captain Avatar/EPG Co-Founder
{Sheesh, talk about new warez kidz and loser groups}
For a reel gude tyme, read 0ld, 0ld, 0ld, b0red buffers if you can find them.
You'll see stuff like:
Lex Luthor talking about starting a new ELITE board and ELITE group and
inviting other ELITES to call. {Which wasnt more then 3 years ago and ended
up bekumming $$$$$L0D$$$$$}.
BIOC asking for new wares
Lord Digital posting new wares with the /Apple Mafia tagged at the end.
Blotto asking for new wares {is this a cycle?}
Lex asking dumb questions about almost everything {especially on the 0ld
Pl0vernet buffers}
By reading old philez, you can also see how people evolved and how they wrote
stuff before they had their own "style". {Lex's 40 column uppercase files
filled with $$$$$ from one end to the other, copying books and acting like he
was great for doing it. Lord Digital's old files in which he DOESN'T bring in
pseudo-occultism, theories on society, twisted outlooks, incredible arrogance
and other present-day Digital trademarks, also in uppercase and 40 columns.
Bioc also doing 40 cols and uppercase with ******** all over the place and
copies of other peoples files. And 1000's of others}
Dead Lord, peak-a-boo, I see you!
Tnx, EW,TG,TT,SV,*,MZ and all who came before!
Wr0ted bie: M0tem B. W00dSte!n
{C} A ophi<ial M0demGate Publickashun!
All rytes preserved!
Reference in New Issue Copy Permalink