110 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
110 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
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PART Twenty-one OF 15 PRINCIPIA ENTROPIUS
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--One fine day, the King of Fance, The Holy Roman Emperor, King
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Baudoin III of Jerusalem, and the Grand Masters of the Templars and the
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Hospitallers all decided to lay seige to Ascalon. They set together: King,
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Court, Patriarch,Priests carrying Crosses and banners, and the archbishops of
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Tyre,Nazareth, Caesarea. It was like a big Party.orriflames and standards
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flying, tents pitched around the enemy city, drums beating.
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Ascalon was defended by one hundred and Fifty Towers, and the inhabitants
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had long since been preparing for seige: All the houses had slits in the
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walls, They were like fortresses within fortresses.
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The Templars were smart fighters, they should have known This was going to
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be tough, but no...everyone got excited, and they built battering rams, and
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wooden towers. They had Catapults firing under the cover of The wooden
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Sheildwalls they erected.
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The Asconalites tried to burn their Towers, but the wind was against them,
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and they accidentally burned their own walls instead. It was in one place
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in the walls, that a breach was made, and the attackers charged the city.
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Then a strange thing Happened, the Grand Templar, had a cordon set up, that
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only his men could enter the City. Cynics say he was trying to make sure
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the templars would get all of the Booty.A kinder explanation is that he
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feared a trap, and wanted to send his own brave men in first. Either way,
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he wasn't the brightest of Commanders. Forty Templars ran full steam straight
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through the city, came to a screeching halt in a great cloud of dust, when
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they reached a wall on the other side, looked at one another and wondered
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what they hell they were doing there. Then they about faced and ran past the
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Saracens, who pelted them with rocks and darts, slaughtering alot of them,
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Grand Master included.
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Then they closed the breach, hung the corpses from the Walls, and jeered at
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the Christians, with obscene gestures and horrid laughter.
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It is beleived from these Violent Exchanges, the Concept of Tom and Jerry
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was begat.
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INSANITY FEST CANCELLED
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ON ACCOUNT OF LARD AND PARASITES.
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MARK THE DAY ON YOUR INVIS-O-PORT A CALENDERS
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dang, and I was planning on not attending.
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-------------------------------------------
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Perhaps the lard will help grease the wheels of progressionalliationality?
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Or perhaps the Lard will fall on you to your utter utterlyness?
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The answers must be known.
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---Crysarides of Eris.
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---------------------------------------------------------
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An Open Letter to The Goddess Eris:
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Sirs,
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It has come to my attention that Monte Python has not be fully
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recognized as a Biblical Pantheon by your Faith. Since it is clearly
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the case, that this is so, and I fully recognize their comedy genius,
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excepting ofcourse references in their program "Monte Pythons Flying
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Circus" to Womens Undergarments, so on and so forth,
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--Brigadeir General (ret)
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E.R. Cummings,
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(mrs.)
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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From: Flog Sonata
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To: Altar Ego
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Fundamental Truth: It's expensive to be st00pid.
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Lose my sense of humour? Never! It's a code that will stay with me until the
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day I die, handed down to me by buddhist monks from the castle wall of the
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great and wonderous Tibikikaka shrine.
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"Take this, young Flog!" they yelled, as battle roared around us.
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I took the tablets with the sense of humour code and rode off in to the woods
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on my mighty steed. There, I paused by a brook, and read the code, digested
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it. I did more than memorize it: I found the inner meaning of it and fused it
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with my mind and soul.
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Then, I wanked off.
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Or maybe I just wanked off to the good bits of humour code. There was this
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one page from "Monk Monthly" that was taped to the underside of one of the
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tablets. Miss February 1888 was a damn sight sexier than the god damned codes
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of humour. Come to think of it, the codes of humour were pretty damn dull,
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and I chucked 'em into the brook and made Miss Feb part of my soul. Oh well.
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I'm sure it was as profound an experience as those boring codes of humour
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would have been, had I taken the time to read 'em.
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((((((((((((AVAILABLE IN NO SOUND)))))))))))))
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Where available
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Cowardism:
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Can you call yourself a Coward simply because the courage of others seems
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to you out of proportion to the triviality of the occaison? Thus wisdom
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creates Cowards. And thus you miss the oppurtunity while spending your life
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on the look out for it. You have to seize the oppurtunity instinctively,
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without knowing at the time that it is the oppurtunity.
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But suppose you passed up the Oppurtunity, because you felt it was
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inadequate?
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-------------------------f---n----o------r-----d--------------
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