142 lines
4.6 KiB
Plaintext
142 lines
4.6 KiB
Plaintext
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From pdb059@mipl3.jpl.nasa.gov Sun Nov 12 10:44:32 1989
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From: pdb059@mipl3.jpl.nasa.gov (Paul Bartholomew)
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Subject: A Child's View of Music
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These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in the
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state of Missouri.
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Music Education
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Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
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Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you better
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not try to sing.
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A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
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John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
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Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large.
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Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
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loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was
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calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in
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1827 and later died from this.
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Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard of.
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Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers. It is
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unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are
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dead.
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An opera is a song of bigly size.
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In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one he
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really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live
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happily ever after.
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When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing
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eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.
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Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
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I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say.
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Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said
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he would go a long way. And so he came to America.
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A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps on
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the odium.
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Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people were happy.
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Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
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Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields
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and McCoys.
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My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
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My favorite composer is Opus.
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A harp is a nude piano.
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A tuba is much larger than its name.
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Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras.
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You should always say celli when you mean there are two or more cellos.
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Another name for kettle drums is timpani. But I think I will just stick
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with the first name and learn it good.
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A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
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While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.
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The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and bass
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fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.
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When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds.
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So would anybody.
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Question: What are kettle drums called? Answer: Kettle drums.
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Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!
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A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
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Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I both
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found out and got in trouble.
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Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument?
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Answer: Yes.
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The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits in the
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first chair of the first violins. This means that when a person is
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elected concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn how to play a violin
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real good.
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For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every line
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of flute music. You just watch.
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I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
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The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up.
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Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets to be
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the conductor.
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Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many player-types.
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The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument.
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The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
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A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only more so.
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Tubas are a bit too much.
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Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra.
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I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would tomorrow
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or Friday be best?
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My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people seldom
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play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
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It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and
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shake him in rhythm.
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Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant
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sound once the animal is removed.
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Source: Missouri School Music Newsletter, collected by Harold Dunn.
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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I reply to all submissions, but about 20% of the replies bounce.
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