144 lines
6.6 KiB
Plaintext
144 lines
6.6 KiB
Plaintext
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_________ __
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/_________\ /__\___
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// \\_______ // \___\
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__________// O \_______\___ _ // O \\
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/__________/ O \___\___/_\_// ||
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// O O \___/ \_/ O ||
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// O O O ||
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|| O O \\___
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|| O __ Acme Checklists \___\
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\\___ / \_ \\
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\___\ O / O O \ by Gross Genitalia O ||
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\\ / / ||
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|| O / O O/ Toxic File #89 O ||
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|| / / O //
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\\ /O O / O O //
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\\___/ / O O ________ ________//
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\__/ OO / O /_______ \ O /________/
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/O O /\__________// \ | O //
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/_ / \__________/ _____ || O //
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/\__/ ________ /_____\ \\_______//
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// /________\___// \\ \_______/
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. ||______// \___/ \\ .....
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::: \______/ || :::::::
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::::::::: ||___ ::: :::
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::: ::: ::: \___\ ::::. :
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: : : ::::.
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: Centre of Eternity : ::::.
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.:::. oxic 615.552.5747 :::...::: hock
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::::: HQ of Toxic Shock/40 megs/Lotsa files :::::::
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[ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts][ts]
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ACME CHECK LISTS
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Brought to you by those dumb fucks who wrote Road Runner cartoons.
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ACME LIST #A-001
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WHAT TO TAKE ON YOUR CAMPING TRIP:
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___ Sleeping bag ___ Tampons ___ Rotten shit
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___ Tent ___ Condoms ___ Fart spray
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___ First Aid Kit ___ Aftershave ___ Molding meat
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___ Knife and/or Gun ___ Douche ___ Decayed grandmother
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___ Pillows ___ Foam ___ Tuna fish salad
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___ Inflatable air matresses ___ Raw Oysters ___ Piss jar
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ACME LIST #A-002
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READING LIST - BOOKS YOU NEED ON THE SHELF
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___ Webster's Dictionary ___ Complete Book of Witchcraft
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___ Guiness Book of World Records ___ The Mythic Tarot Workbook
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___ Almanac ___ 101 Ways to Avoid Reincarnation
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___ Atlas ___ Earthly Purpose
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___ J.R.R. Tolkien books ___ Sexual Self-Help
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___ Truth About Witchcraft Today ___ The Illuminatus! Trilogy
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___ The Way of the Peaceful Warrior ___ The Necronomicon
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ACME LIST #B-002
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BOOKS YOU DON'T NEED ON THE SHELF
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___ The Bible ___ Sweet Valley High Series
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___ Life is Tremendous! ___ Bobsy Twins Series
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___ Encyclopedia Brown Series ___ Horoscope Books
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___ Hardy Boys Series ___ Sex How-To Books
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___ Nancy Drew Series ___ The Phonebook
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ACME LIST #A-003
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OBJECTS YOU SHOULD USE FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES
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___ Strap-on Dildo ___ Chains ___ Wet Vac
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___ Cat-o-nine tails ___ Whips ___ Dustbuster
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___ Vibrators ___ PlastiPussy ___ Chainsaw
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___ Butcher Knives ___ Dick Enlarger ___ Dill pickles
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ACME LIST #B-003
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OBJECTS YOU SHOULD NOT USE FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES
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___ Mustard ___ Empty Douche Bottles ___ Any knife under 10" length
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___ Mayonnaise ___ Mannequins ___ Gloves
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___ Honey ___ Spanish Fly ___ Poison Ivy Vines
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___ Crazy Glue ___ Condoms ___ Rosebush thorns
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___ Shedd's Spread ___ LSD-covered vibrator ___ Domesticated farm animals
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ACME LIST #A-004
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CHURCH CHECKLIST
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___ New International Bible ___ "I Love Jesus" lapel button
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___ Large crucifix ___ Clean, starched, Fundy church clothes
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___ Encounter! Magazine ___ Spit-shined shoes with crucifix buckles
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___ Two Hymn books ___ A big, goofy fucking smile
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ACME LIST #B-004
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ALTERNATE CHURCH CHECKLIST
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___ Blue jeans ___ Satanic Bible ___ Pentagram etched in black marble
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___ Concert T-shirt ___ Necronomicon ___ The Complete Book of Witchcraft
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___ Spiked hair ___ Bad Attitude ___ Pentagram necklace
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___ Army boots ___ "High Times" ___ Boom box playing Gwydion Penderwenn
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ACME LIST #A-005
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PARENTAL TORTURE CHECKLIST
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___ Exorcism equipment ___ 20" Dildo ___ Needle and Thread
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___ Chainsaw (dull blade) ___ Wet Vac ___ Danzig's "Lucifuge" (the best)
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___ Stretcher ___ Nitric Acid ___ New Kid's "Hangin Tough" Tape
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___ Nail bed ___ Merthyalade ___ Fried dog testicles and a fork
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ACME LIST #A-006
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THINGS TO SAY IN CHURCH THAT ARE TRUE
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___ "Jesus and Satan were the same damned person!"
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___ "Witchcraft is NOT what the Bible depicts it to be."
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___ "UFO's closely parallel and explain events in Revelations."
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___ "The consciousness that was Christ's will reimbody soon."
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___ "Marijuana will be legalized before 2006."
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___ "Hemp is a miracle plant that will save the earth."
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___ "Abortions should definitely be legal."
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___ "Early Christians accepted reincarnation removed it from the Bible."
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ACME LIST #A-007
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THINGS TO DO TO FUNDAMENTALISTS
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___ Call them hypocrites
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___ Burn the American Flag
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___ Sacrifice a dog in the bapistry
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___ Say "Jesus Saves! But Stilorski gets the rebound! He shoots...he SCORES!!"
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___ Proclaim that you are the AntiChrist
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___ Give them pentagram necklaces for Christmas
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___ Ask them if they've been saved by "ol' dead jew"
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___ Give them $100 and tell them that's some money you got from selling your
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soul to Satan during the morning's church service
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___ Give them $100 and tell them that's some money you stole from the
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offering plate that was passed your way
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[fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq][fuhq]
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(c)July & September 1990. TS / Gross Genitalia. #89.
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If you or someone you love wants to become a Toxin, call Centre of Eternity.
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