textfiles/magazines/TANJ/tanj.039

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|                            There Ain't No Justice                           |
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                            - Indians Inside Me -
                                 by Cat Eye

"Hey, lets go in here", I called to my mom, "I want a pink heart shaped
cake for grandma."  We searched the store, unable to find a pink heart
shaped cake, so we proceeded to leave. We walked out into the "mall"(notice
the quotes for future reference), and some how or another grandma appeared
and joined mom, Crys, and me. We walked, and finally entered into a huge,
seemingly endless clothes store, in which I bumped into Sandy and 2 of her
sisters, Cheryl and Laura, almost right away. Sandy and Crys seemed to swap
positions, Sandy came with me, and Sandy went off with Sandy's sisters.
Mom, Sandy, Gramma and I continued to walk through his store, stopping and
looking at clothing until we were bored and decided to trot on over to the
other side of the mall, all fine and well except that in order to get to
the other side of the mall you had to walk outside, through a little path
type of thing on the top of a deep hill.

 We made it outside, and proceeded to walk across. We couldn't see the
other side of the mall at all, but we did hear strange noises, the sounds
of a group of Indians somewhere near up ahead, but over the hill. Being the
wise-ass's that my grandmother and I are, we started being funny about
things, and making our own little Indian noises, and laughing hysterically.
My mom wasn't too thrilled with us, she never is really, she thinks we're
nuts, and Sandy was just tagging along a little ways behind us, but with
us. Suddenly the noise were right next to us, down the hill, I looked
through the trees, and there appeared a huge, white mask, just staring at
me. Big eyes, and a big smile, and a blinding white bright color. I stopped
in amazement and pointed this out to my fellow walkers, we all stopped and
gasped, this Indian didn't seem to mind us watching him at all. All of a
sudden out of no where my mom goes crazy and runs down the hill towards the
Indians, stirring them up, scaring them. She remained with them, and as
they scattered, Sandy, Grandma and I started running. Sandy and I were
ahead, and when we looked back to make sure grandma was ok, she was gone,
poofers into thin air, no sight of her anywhere, all we could see were
Indians running after us. We weren't that afraid of them because they were
far enough behind us not to scare us, we knew there was no way they could
catch us or harm us in any way, they had no weapons, but we ran and ran and
ran until we reached the mall, and when we entered and looked back, they
too, were gone into total nothingness.

  We stood in confusement for a couple of minutes and caught our breath.
After a few minutes we walked around the mall like we had been before hand,
only this time we weren't looking as much at clothing, we were looking in
music stores, and trinket stores, whatever came up. We walked like nothing
had happened, no one was missing, we didn't seem to care or think about
anyone else. After a while of walking around we decided we wanted to leave,
so we did. Took mom's car, and left, Sandy was driving at first. We left
the parking lot of the mall, and everything seemed to turn into a city
around us. Full of stores, mostly clothing stores, as in the mall. We drove
around and around, even through the stores, somehow we were able to drive
right through the stores without harming anyone or breaking anything at
all. Finally I told her to let me drive, when we reached the next corner,
she stopped within inches of the car in front of us, and we switched
drivers.

  I was at the wheel now, and I didn't know where to go. I backed the car
up, right into another store, everyone was looking at us, but they weren't
looks of shock or concern, just looks of wonderment, like a new person that
walks into a quiet store, everyone looks. I got the hell out of there
pretty quickly, I asked her where Mike worked, I wanted to meet this Mike
person that I'd heard so much about. All I knew about him was that he
worked in a window tinting shop and was from the bass club "Loud -n-
Kickin'". Already I wasn't impressed, but I had no choice, I wanted to meet
him, so she directed me to him.

  When we reached the shop, it was surprisingly enough in another mall.
Different than the previous one, but still, it was a mall, and we were
driving through the mall in our car. Suddenly we came to the shop, but
problem, it was at the top of the escalator. No problem, we got out of the
car, and it turned into a remote controlled car, I was still controlling
it. We got to the top of the escalator and went into the store. There he
was. Mike. I almost gagged. He wasn't what he was supposed to be. He was
tall, and ugly, very scruffy and rough looking. He had jet black hair,
almost appearing blue, and deep, dark, scary eyes, he had a full beard, and
looked like he was late 30's early 40's, much too old for Sandy. I kept
saying to myself, "this isn't right, this isn't Mike.", but it was, and I
had no choice but to get used to him.

  He invited us in. Where can you go in a window tinting shop? But we went
in, suddenly it turned into an apartment, and we were in a square shaped
room. To the left there was a bathroom, a bathroom full of dogs drinking
out of a toilet. These weren't normal dogs, they were wild, and crazy. They
were drinking so hard, and so much that the water was splashing through the
cracks in the door. This didn't seem to concern Mike one bit, it appeared
normal, but I was seriously scared, this whole thing was too strange for my
liking. Just about that time, he opened the bathroom door, I am not afraid
of dogs usually, but I went stiff here, I couldn't move or breath. The dogs
were excited, like typical dogs when they see someone they don't know, they
were going nuts. Soon afterwards, thank god, another guy from the Bass Club
came into the room, he sat down on the floor and the dogs flocked around
him and he gave them all the attention they wanted/craved. He talked to me,
he told me he liked me, he thought I was nice, he'd heard a lot about me,
and he'd like to go out sometime. When I told him I had a boy-friend, he
didn't care. He wanted Mike, Sandy, him and me to go out sometime, I was
very hesitant. He too appeared just as dirty and scruffy as Mike did, these
guys didn't look like the pretty L-N-K guys. About then one of the dogs
left his side and came to mine, he sat down calmly next to me, and let me
pet him, nicely, panting, and suddenly everything focused on that dog and
nothing else.

  Then I woke up.

  A dream. A simple dream. Nothing else. Nothing more. Not to me anyway,
I'm sure you think I'm nuts by now. I couldn't see how any of this could
possible ever fit together. It just made no sense to me. From malls to
Indians to malls to Mike. I was confused, but this dream stuck with me,
clearly, like a movie, all day. I wrote it down even so I could remember
details I thought would be important. That night, like every Thursday
night, I went to my Dream Interpretation Class. I wanted to see what our
teacher/instructor had to say about this one, because I was totally lost.
And she has taught us that every dream means something, even the silliest
little dreams have the deepest meanings.

  Ok. This I have to hear. I get to class and everyone is excited that one
of the new comers has a dream to share with them. So I shared it with them
after asking a few simple questions I had(which, BTW: your dreams only last
a total of 3 or 4 minutes, and women tend to dream in color more than men).
Fine. I spoke, I told my long huge dream in as much detail that I could. My
teacher looked puzzled at first. "Aha!" I thought, "I've caught her on this
one!" but I didn't. Not at all. She started by asking a series of
questions:

  What does a heart represent? --Love
  A pink heart no less definatly love.

 I then was to look at another girl in my class and picture her to be an
alien. What is an Indian? this was my next question, so I told the alien
what an Indian is to me:

  Quiet, peaceful people who live on reservations. They wear a lot of make
up and masks as to hide themselves. They are very wise, but don't like
intruders. But if you sat down with them, and made yourself at home, and
were nice and respectful to them, you would learn a world of wonders. They
didn't like trouble, and often had dark skin and dark hair.

  Fine. What does this have to do with anything I'm wondering.. but wait..
There's more! Now, that same poor alien girl had to listen to what a mall
was to me. What is a mall anyway? All I could think of was a place with a
lot of people, mostly teenagers, with a ton of stores, just about any kind
of store you could really want or need, a mall would have it. That was a
mall to me, so thats what I told them. My teacher loved this this, she was
having a field day, and I was sitting in total confusement.

  Basically she asked me a whole ton of questions, and made me answer them
myself, or the girl I was talking to, I was basically interpreting my own
dream anyhow, without even realizing it. This stuff was starting to
interest me now. Simple questions, and feelings on certain things can open
up a world of possibilities to a dream. From what certain colors are, to
what you think a certain object/person is and what they mean to you.

  First I'll give you MY interpretation. I thought it had to do with Sandy
and Mike. Mike is supposed to be a total guido from the bass club
Loud-n-Kickin'. Now I don't know how many of you know anything about these
guys, but some are really nice, or atleast half was ok, and some are total
assholes with no respect for anyone, but their cars. They'd choose their
cars over their girlfriends in a split second. That really irks me. I hate
that. Ugh! Anyhow, this Mike guy is supposed to be a guido, short, dark
hair, light eyes, nice build, etc., from what I've heard anyhow. In my
dream he was beastly. Disgusting. Horrible. I thought this was myselves way
of telling me that Sandy and Mike were totally wrong for each other, I know
this, and I guessed this was my subconsciousness telling me that I was
right, that Mike, was indeed, a beast! But, 'the true' or even better
interpretation is this...

   The Indians, calm, peaceful, reserved people represent one side of me,
of my personality. And the "MALL" represents another part of me. This dream
is a struggle of my inner self, I'm trying to find out who I REALLY.. Who I
want to be for the rest of my life. Most of my likes this Indian part, that
is the true me. But those Indians chased me back into the mall. Is this
their way of telling me to stay in the mall and enjoy my teenage years?
Yes, in a way it is. The mall represents a lot of personas, everyone has
them, everyone uses them, whether you're willing to admit it or not.
Christine, aka, LIPS, represents the "mall", I represent the "Indians" and
Sandy is stuck in between. This dream is like my struggle, I don't want to
leave the mall totally, because Sandy is still there, and in many ways I'm
afraid of losing her, I don't want to leave her behind. Therefor, I don't
want to leave this mall just yet. I want to reserve my Indian side for the
future, yet I still want to be an Indian now. 

  Confusing? Yeah, you could say that. I'm still not 100% sure what it all
means. I have a great idea, but there's got to be more of it. Where do the
dogs fit in? The splashing water? I guess I'll find out  in two week, in
the next class. But this dream is right on target, so much of it is so
right. Remember the description of the Indians? That's me almost to a T.
And the MALL, that's definatly Christine, a different face for every person
she meets. 

  Dreams are very revealing.. Dream a little dream and you could be looking
your future in the face without realizing it!

          --Cat Eye


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