106 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
106 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
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/ | Soveriegns | \ As the shovel speaks unto the ground,
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/ | of | \
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/ | Bell | | \ Hands that cannot build must steal.
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/ /| | __________ | | \
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/ / | | / \| |_ With love to Ma Bell.
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/ / |__| / | \ \
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/ ---------\ | \ |\ \
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/__________ \ | \ | \ \
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/ \ | ||__\ \ Issue #8 By Dr. No
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/ \ | \ Fun Things To Do In Stores
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\__________________/_________ /__________/
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Walk into Victoria's Secret and say...
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(to the salesman) .."Do you think this would look good on my Grandmother?"
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.."Where is the whips and chains section please?"
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.."Do your underwear give you a terrible rash? Mine..."
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(be creative with the ending on this one..)
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.."Do you guys have any type of cream that would cover
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the bruises on my ass?"
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.."Do you have anything that would fit eight year olds?"
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When the salesman says... "May I help you?"
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say... "No thank you, I think I'll just go masterbate in
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the bra isle."
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When you check out and he says... "Will that be all for you?"
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say... "Actually, the whole time I was wondering
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where the condom/magazine isle was..."
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or... "Actually, can I have your penis to go.."
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Go into a clothing store and...
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..ask the manager if there are peep holes in the dressing rooms..
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..walk into a dressing room a man, and out a woman, making sure to
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get noticed..
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..put a pair of underwear on over your pants and ask passer-by's if
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they think they fit..
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..start french kissing the manakin's, and then leave with it, and if
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anyone asks, tell them you've found the "sex queen of the
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universe"..
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..walk into the women's lingerie section, and start smelling the
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underwear, saying you have found the "Essence of Woman" in Fruit
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Of the Loom..
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Walk in to any store and ..
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..looking conspicuous, touch everything in the store very slowly..
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..recreate Ghostbuster's scenes with the gatekeeper/keymaster theme..
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..discover new ways of drinking from the water fountain..
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Go into a grocery store and..
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..proceed to dump six 1 pound bags of M&M's on the floor and if
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someone asks, Say you are "looking for the bag with the most green
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ones.."
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..grab a bottle of squeeze cheese and draw a homicide chalf line on
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the floor..
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..walk into the back of the meat section where they have the huge
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slabs laying around, and look around at the huge pieces of meat
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until someone stops you. Then ask how much they are selling the
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huge slabs for..
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..ask the manager if the whip cream and dog leashes come with
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instructions..
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..spell out obscene messages on the floor with chicken nuggets..
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Just walk into Radio Shack. The fuckers will hound you, especially if you have
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the "punk" look going. Go around the store and fake like you stole something,
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making sure to get noticed, and then when they stop you, comlain about how
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this happens every time VERY loudly, preferrably when a lolt of people are in
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the store..
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Return porn magazines to the shelf with all the pages stuck together (with
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glue I hope)..
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Walk into your local telephone office or AT&T store, and complain loudly about
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how much 900 and 976 numbers cost..
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Go into the circle K (or wherever they sell slushies now-a-days) and flirt
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with the slushy lady, and get her phone number, telling her you find squishy
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drink makers attractive..
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Walk into a toy store, and pull a whole bunch of matchbox cars out of the
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packages and then crash them together, while twitching uncontrollably and
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yelling "Beep! Beep!" and "DIE PEDESTRIAN!"..
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Go into the animal shelter and go around measuring the dog's dicks, and say
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you looking for one with a "big pecker"..
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Walk into Sears and exclaim in a loud, high voice "Look at all these
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exposed tools!!"
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Walk into any resteraunt around lunch time, and look the waiter right in the
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eye and say "I'd like the first wiener available, please." and then wink..
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Walk into the record stores and ask where the "gay" album section is..
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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| Soveriegns Of Bell Issue # 8 |
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| Call these 3l33+ BBS: Or Mail Us At : |
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| The Truth Sayer's Domain - 210-493-9975 - SoB WHQ lmb@tenet.edu |
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| Red Dawn-2 - 410-263-2258 - Affiliated Board |
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