277 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
277 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
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+= poor old ugly pompous electronic yams #12 =+
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.s$$$$$$s. .s$$$$s. .s$$ $$s. .s$$$$$$s. .s$$$$$$$s. $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$ $$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$$$s. $$$$
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$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$
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$$$$ s$$$$s .$$$$$$$$$. $$$$ .s$$$$$$$s. $$$$
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Poupey #12: JUST WRITE it.
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Why? Why? Why the hell? -Nybar
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Yeah.. thats right.. Why the hell?!@#$ What the HELL happened to
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my sock!! I can't find it!! Where the hell is my sock. If I found my
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sock.. it would be just ducky. Ducky.. yeah.. ducky. Let me tell you
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youngins a lil story `bout ducks. It starts in da `nam. Thems was brave
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boys. Misled boys. They came in for the glory.. but in the end.. it was
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for one thing. Group masturbation. And the only ones who knew.. other then
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the soldiers.. were the ducks. The ducks knew all. And in this knowledge..
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they had power. Power to stop the useless war. And here is a log type
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thing of what they DID instead of stopping the war:
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(real names will not be used... for the ducks safety)
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Mr.Duck "Quack"
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-------------F-----I-----N-----------
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ham - jubjub
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O, ham, how succulent art thou,
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Made from the pig, neighbor of the cow,
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I love you ham, and your glaze,
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Your tender meat sends me into a daze,
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I cook you in my oven, bathed in heat,
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Your charred flesh I would love to eat,
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This poem, I now must end,
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I am off to eat you, my friend.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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by Mogel
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"smash smash smash," says hulk.
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he didn't fight with the cat. no, not ONCE. not TWICE.
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"i've got a butt! & it smells like a butt!" he elated in a
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gratuitous jubilation upon dancing towards the corner diner with only a
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small serving of liverworst & a box of cap'n crunch.
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he sat down & he said "gimme the dumplings," & fondled his bald
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head. hulk didn't hear the trains flopping in the wind until her ate a
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poop & didn't like it even a little bit not like a very small about - even
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less. like, less than the intricately small microscopic intermitten
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moments where an entire sentiant thought enters #zines - even less. it's
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less than the generousity of the republicans. even less.
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this amount of bigness is so unbig that it doesn't SHUT UP SHIT
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UPS HUPS THUISTSUTSPTUSTHUSTHSUTSPTSTUSTUSPTt
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& then some. "smash," be blubbered & gargled some patatoE soup.
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the waitress said "check please!" & proceeded to stab the hulk,
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but he wasn't dead. he was a freak.
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hulk sucks.
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Here is a little dream I had.. - by Nybar
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Me and Waylan Smithers (of the simpsons) were trying to solve a murder
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mystery. The person who had been murdered was King Richard (The
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Lionhearted). It seemed to Smithers that the most logical one to
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interview first was the queen. So we did. (The queen looked like
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how she did when she shown on kids in the hall.)
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Smithers "Do you have any information concerning the king of england,
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Richard The Lionhearted's.. murder?"
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Queenie "Are you implying I, could have killed him?"
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Me "No.. we ARE looking for possible suspects though."
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Queenie "Possibly the kings bastard son. If he killed the king before
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his legit son could mature, he would have a chance to rule
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all of england."
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Smithers "We appreciate your help"
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-----
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So we decided to interview the former kings bastard son. (The bastard
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son looks like homer simpson from the simpsons.. but he is dressed like
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a prince.)
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-------
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Me "Homer?"
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Homer "AHH!!"
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Me "Do you have anything to do with the murder of your father?"
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Homer "I would never kill my daddy!"
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Me "I belive your innocent!!"
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Homer "Woohoo!"
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Smithers "Oh come on man! You have guilt painted all over you! You have
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the perfect motive!! Everything fits! You killed your father
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to keep the rightful king of england out of the throne!!!"
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Homer "D'ohh!
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Me "Homer.. do you know anyone that might have wanted your father
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`out of the way'?"
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Homer "Out of the way?"
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Me "Dead!!"
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Homer "The legit son was one NASTY LIL' kid!! I tried ta stop him! But
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no!! He was crazzzzzzz-eeee!! CRAZY ZANY KOOKEE!"
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Smithers "Lets RIDEEEE!"
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-------
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Now.. the legit son looked much like milhouse from simpsons. Also of
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import was he was in a car.. next to a wall.
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--------------
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Me "Did you.. murder your father?"
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Milhouse "Me?! I was way to afraid of my father to MURDER him!!!"
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Smithers "I had heard you were fearless.."
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Milhouse "Well there was one thing I really feared...."
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Me "What was that?"
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Milhouse "The car olympics!"
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<smithers and I turn around>
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Me "The car olympics?"
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VROOM!
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<me and smithers turn around>
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<I spy a big hole in the wall.. the shape and size of milhouses car>
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Me "Oh well.."
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-----
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Having exhausted many likely suspects.. we decided to gather all probable
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or improbable potential suspects. In a sort of.. Agatha Kristy/murder she
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wrote.. on acid way. Yeah.Yeah.Everything from a crocodile to a.. green
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eye type thing was there. We were on a sandy terrain with two walls
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opposite eachother there.. (the suspects were lined up against the walls)
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Just as me and smithers were going to question the suspects....
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------
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Smithers "I think I know who the culprit is!!"
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<then zorak from space ghost coast to coast arose from the ground>
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Zorak "Yes!! I, ZORAK, did it!! And I'd do it again!! MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"
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And then I woke up
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-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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"the enigma surrounding 'nybar'"
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waxed & booby trapped by - mercuri
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the room. a small psychiatrists office, it looks like a nice, well
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furbished den. on a couch is a fat, balding man. he is wearing blue sweat
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pants and hard rock cafe t-shirt. it looked as if he had wiped potato-chip
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grease on his t-shirt before he came.
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the man interviewing this fat, balding man in sweatpants was a psychiatrist.
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the psychiatrist peered over nybar's -- the fat balding man -- portfolio.
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shrink: "hey nybar?"
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nybar: "yeeaah what?"
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shrink: "chicken butt."
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nybar: "yeeaah what?"
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shrink: "chicken butt."
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nybar: "can we please get moving with this doc, i'm paying for this time."
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shrink: "i suppose." nybar: "okay, good."
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shrink: "tell me what your childhood was like..."
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nybar: "i can some it up in one word: poupey."
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shrink: "what do you mean? your childhood was bad?"
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nybar: "let me explain myself, doc... but first, do you have any irish
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cream coffee?"
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the answer was yes, and nybar downed the first cup of irish cream. it burnt
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his throat because it was so hot, and he let the doctor now about it.
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shrink: "continue."
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nybar: "well, doc. my childhood was going well for the first ten or so
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years, then something odd happened."
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shrink: "what was that?"
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nybar: "i began having strange dreams, about handle's little sister. but
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in these dreams i was napoleon, and she was my mistress."
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shrink: "ooh, continue."
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nybar: "well, you see. nybar comes from the latin word "nybarius," which
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means to conquer."
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shrink: "no it doesn't."
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nybar: "what?"
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shrink: "that's not latin. that's russian."
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nybar: "what?! no wonder the kremlin wouldn't leave me alone..."
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shrink: "the kremlin? in moscow?"
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nybar: "NO. THE KREMLIN IN IDAHO. I'M PAYING YOU MONEY FOR THIS?"
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shrink: "yep."
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nybar: "that was a rhetorical question."
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shrink: "my bad."
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nybar: "AS I WAS SAYING... one day i was walkind down the street and i
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started sing DOO-WAH-DIDDIE-DOO-DOO TALK ABOUT THE GIRL FROM SALT
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LAKE CITY - YEAH!"
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shrink: "what? we were talking about the kremlin!"
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nybar: "and then this bird went on pooped on my brother's HEAD!!! would you
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write for poupey?"
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shrink: "isn't that pronounced POO-PAY?"
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nybar: "and then we started eating a pizza and a squirrel approached me and
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he said he says he said... DO YOU WANT MY FUR!!! and i said
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yeah &
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he said, WELL HA HA YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BECAUSE IT'S _MY_ FUR!!
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shrink: "..."
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nybar: "so i chased the little rascal, and when i found him i skinned him
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alive and ate all his acorns. i was looking to see if he stored
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his acorns in tupperware like the squirrel in the commercial did.
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that must be a smart squirrel, ya know?"
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shrink: "excuse me?"
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nybar: "SMART AS IN I.Q. -- SMART AS IN STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES!!"
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shrink: "i see what you're saying.. you're saying that if someone wrote for
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poupey.... you'd be surprised?"
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nybar: "BINGO!!! and BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O... B-I-N-G-O and BINGO was his
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NAME-O."
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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poetry(?) - lumpy
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Lumpy "Once I was happy,"
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Lumpy "But now I am sad,"
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Lumpy "because all of my days.."
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Lumpy "are spent being bad."
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Nybar "Very nice"
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Lumpy "I Tried to smoke crack,"
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Lumpy "but I weren't man enough.."
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Nybar "And died"
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Lumpy "And played with my stuff."
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Lumpy "Now I have no friends at all,"
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Lumpy "so I pulled out a playboy,"
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Lumpy "and scratched my ball"
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Lumpy (the other one to)
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Nybar "Yeah.. uhh.. thats very nice. Is this a submission to poupey?"
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Lumpy "Yes it is.. and I am making it up as I go along, to"
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FIN
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Poupey Spinoff -The poupey-quasi kinda miniseris thing that never happened
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-(nybar) ---------------------------------------------------
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Superduck "Quack"
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Chickenbabe "You saiiddd it daddy.. take me homeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
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<superduck mounts chickenbabe>
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Chickenbabe "COCK, A DOODLE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!@$"
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Superduck "QUACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!"
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<the next day>
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Duckgirl "What were you doing last night daddy? You N mommy woke
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me up.."
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Superduck "Ohhh.. nothingg.."
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Duckgirl "Were you BEATING her?! She was screaming!"
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Superduck "Ahh.. not quite"
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Duckgirl "I'm callin the police!"
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Superduck "WE WERE HAVING SEX, OK!?! CAN'T A RETIRED SUPERHERO
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AND HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE HAVE SEX?!?!"
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Duckgirl "Ohh.. yellin' at the kids huh? Yeah.. your acting alot
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like a super hero now!"
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Superduck "Hey.. I'm RETIRED! Get me? No more of that mickey
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mouse shit."
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Duckgirl "Bite my head off.."
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Superduck "Sorry."
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... (superducks subconcious all knowing physce of a narrator)
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Yes.. that right.. RETIRED superhero... you tell yourself.
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Retired! No more trudging 500,000 miles through the trackless
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desert (mm dessert) just to find some stupid lost puppy and
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return it to the ungrateful bitch of an old woman vegetable
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who was gonna die in a week anyway. You have a life now.. a
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family. You have a dull life as an accountent. Time to put
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the crappy days where everyone was out to get you, your
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mother.. and your lil dog, to! These were the good days.
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To bad they can't last.
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---------------------To------Be----*DUMDUMDUMMMM!*----CONTINUED!------------
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