103 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
103 lines
4.9 KiB
Plaintext
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,...
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$$$$
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$$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg.
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ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg
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""""""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """""""""""
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$$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$
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$$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$
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""" """""" """
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ggg "THE GRILL STAFF MOCKS JERSEY DEVIL" ggg
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$$$ by -> THE GRILL STAFF (Quarex, RottenZ, SwissPope) $$$
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$$$ $$$
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$$$ [ HOE E-Zine #984 -- 12/23/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
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_\\://_
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( 0-0 )
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--o00-(_)-00o--
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"HI! I am your goddamn fucking worthless narrator, JRZDeViL!#$& Today,
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on JRZDeViL PReSeNTZ, we will explore the yet-unknown world of. . .
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HETEROSEXUALITY!"
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(You see, this section is implying that Jersey Devil is a homosexual,
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therefore insulting him greatly, provided he is not actually a
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homosexual, and is offended by the accusations.)
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I do not think the rest of the Grill staff will be helping me make fun of
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JrzDevil nearly as much as I thought they would.
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SwissPope's comment on JrzDevil, when prompted, was merely "I want to
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die," which is highly suspect of being related to JrzDevil at all.
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But enough of this!
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Let us get down to the matter at hand:
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Really viciously mocking Jersey Devil, and enjoying it.
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I will now quote from e-mail I received from Jersey Devil.
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"Jesus Christ...I thought I had straightened out my opinion about fat
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broads but after reading how you trashed the author of an arcticle, I
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must say, all fat broads are just plain fucking dumb."
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Well, let us initially point out all the things glaringly wrong with this
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passage. First, I forgot to properly cite the source. At the end of the
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quote, there must be a reference, thus a (JrzDevil 1) would suffice.
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But beyond my own failures, we must look at his absolutely pathetic
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attempt at mastering the English language. As everyone knows, ellipses
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have a space between each period, and a space after the last period
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before the next word.
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"how you trashed the author of an arcticle," even barring the horrible
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misspelling of article, is an incoherent statement. Since he was
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referring to a specific article, he should have said the name of the
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article, or at least "that" article, or ANYTHING indicating even the
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FUCKING SLIGHTEST BIT OF GODDAMN FUCKING INTELLIGENCE SHINING THROUGH HIS
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FUCKING NEANDERTHALITHIC WRITING STYLE.
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WHAT A FUCKING WORTHLESS RETARD! HOW THE *FUCK* DOES ANYONE GET THE IDEA
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THAT I AM A FAT WOMAN? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA EITHER HOW MUCH I CAN BENCH
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PRESS OR HOW SO COMPLETELY FUCKING *NOT* FEMALE I AM? WHERE THE HELL DO
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THESE PEOPLE COME FROM? IS JERSEY DEVIL THE FUCKING MODERN DAY VERSION
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OF A FAKE ACCOUNT ON A BBS? SOMEBODY JUST ACTING UNBELIEVABLY STUPID IN
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AN ATTEMPT TO PISS ME OFF?!?
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I wish I could say it worked, but it quite frankly has just succeeded in
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confusing me more than anything else.
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I suppose I could make fun of his article again, but that would be
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overkill, really.
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So, instead, I will take a trip inside Jersey Devil's mind, and enter. . .
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THE WORLD OF JERSEY DEVIL!
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Jersey Devil's life is a sad, solitary one. Your life, too, would be
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quite solitary and sad if you secreted the constant scent of dog shit
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and uncontrollably screamed "I AM A GODDAMNED RETARD" every five seconds,
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regardless of what situation you were in.
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God damn, it would suck to be a 4'3" brain damaged paraplegic like
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JrzDevil. I mean, Christ, I understand that kind of situation can build
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up a great deal of bitterness in someone, but who the fuck gave this
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midget retard permission to take out his bitterness on my utterly
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perfect, glorious self? Mother fucker, you are gonna get it. I could
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care less about how you are confined to a wheelchair and your life is
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shit already. After all, you asked for it.
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Now, everybody knows I do not have much luck when it comes to getting
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dates--but christ, compared to your worthless fucking crippled ass'
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attempts, I am the goddamned fucking LOVE DOMINATOR. Fuck you. I have
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watched some of your methods of trying to ask chicks out--I know how they
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all end. They scream in terror, vomit all over your fucking Special
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Wheeled Chariot, and run the fuck off, generally into my waiting arms.
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You goddamn useless handi-case.
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JA H<>RTEN SIE MICH RICHTIG, SIE SIND EIN GOTT GOTTVERFLUCHTER KR<4B>PPEL!
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JUST REMEMBER, JERSEY DEVIL--THE GRILL STAFF HATES YOU, AND ALWAYS WILL.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #984, BY THE GRILL STAFF - 12/23/99 ]
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