121 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
121 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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(*) (*) * (*)~*~(*) HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #881
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* 0 0 ~ 0 *
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~ 0 0 ~* *~ 0 hOGS ~ "Stabbed"
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( 0*~*~*0 ( ) 0*~*~ oF )
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~ 0 0 ~ ~ 0 eNTROPY ~ By: Big Daddy Bill
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* 0 0 * * 0 * 10-23-99
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(*) (*) ~ (*)~*~(*)
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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I don't think I've ever felt this way before.
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And most of the time, unfelt, I feel sore.
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Because people are always bugging me for more.
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They don't know what I think down to the core.
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I'm sick of rhyming. Fuck you.
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No, fuck *you*.
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What, you think I'm doing this for my health? Maybe my mental
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health. Do you think I have a mental health plan or something? You stupid
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asshole.
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Come to a conclusion with me. Respectability has once again become
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an issue. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could find someone to fully
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understand. Maybe, just maybe, I was totally wrong.
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But my fingers are dirty right now, and I'm too drunk to care what
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you have to say. All I know is that I know, and you don't. You've never
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known. When will you know?
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I don't know.
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Come to an assumption with me. I wonder which one of my friends will
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be buried first. I wonder which one is my friend. I wonder which one I
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will bury.
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You don't know, do you?
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Why won't you ever look at me? Are my questions forever going to go
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unanswered? I've asked time and FUCKING TIME AGAIN, but there is never a
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direct answer. Always a run around. Run around. Run aground.
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The things that I wash from my mind are always filthy, and are gaped
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incoherently with filthier and scummier beings. I realized that I'm dirty
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at heart, but honestly, am I really that bad of a guy?
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Lie to me.
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I'm sexy, right? A god. big daddy bill
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big bill
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bill
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Cut it down and what do you get? What do you get? A four letter
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word that echos in the mind.
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Unless you forget. But remember who taught you, I did.
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not.
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Wondering with the sound of black noise what the fuck am I talking
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about? Shut up and hit the pipe, nevermind the fact that your life sits
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next to you. The life you want. The life you need. The life you've
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strived for. The life that could change your life. The life that wants
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nothing to do with your life.
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Change my life, just accept it. Just admit it. Just embrace it.
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Just--ice it down.
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And who are you anyway to not say a word and completely fuck my
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entire train of thought? I don't mind the fact that you've derailed me, not
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at all. The only thing that bugs me is the fact that my train didn't even
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touch yours. Not a single passenger hurt. Just a single passenger killed.
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It's all because of one chemical touching others, or a box of
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chocolates or a big silk rose embroidered with all my consideration and all
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the words I could possibly say in one single sentence. It never mattered to
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you, not enough. I'm sick.
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I'm so, so sick. I think I'll fucking puke.
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It never mattered to you how you depressed yourself with endless
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banter of death and hate and fear and lost-lost-love. It sits in front of
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you now, smiling, always smiling because I'm waiting, always waiting. I've
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been waiting for so long, though, and I've only got a few... days... left.
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Don't you dare make me move on. DONT YOU FUcKING DARE!!!!!!!!!!!
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HOW MANY NIGHTS HAVE I LAID AWAKE, JUST CONTEMPLATING A LIFE WORTH LIVING, A
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CRIME NOT WORTH DOING, A SCHOOL WORTH LEARNING FROM, OR A LOVE WORTH
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ANYTHING
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You've made it that way, in your own way. Without so many words,
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you've turned me down time and time again and without so many words you've
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enticed me over and over again.
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Make up your mind, please. Just put me in my place. please. pretty
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please.
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Because I need sleep now, whether it be eternal or ex-ternal,
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somethings needs to lay down and die. It won't die. Much like this file.
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You know who you are. You know what you've done. You know what you
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have to do.
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Just DO IT! JUST DO IT!!!!!
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If you're going to make me a king among men, please, do so fast.
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If you're going to make me a man among king, please, do so fast.
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Either way, just say "fuck it, it's time to pay the piper". Because
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me being stabbed just isn't enough anymore.
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It never really was, it's just now... I can say it.
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(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
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( *(c) hOGS oF eNTROPY pRESS* HOE #881 ~ BY: BIG DADDY BILL ~ 10/23/99 )
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