66 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
66 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #785
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "I Already Know What My
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 Illegitimate Child Will Be Like"
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888 888 888 888 888 " by Jammer 427
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 8/12/99
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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One day while at work, a thought had passed through my head in
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regards to me fathering a child. What inspired this? Mostly boredom, but
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more a thought of my slowly advancing age. Yes, a stunning 26 years have
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passed me by.
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During the eight years since high school ended for me, I have been
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running into or watching friends get married and start to have children.
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(I can't wait to tells these kids what dipshits that their parents were and
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to help with reasons to walk at a distance from them in shopping malls.)
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This has caused me to be taken aback quite severely. For each gender the
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reasons are basically the same.
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For the guys, I know it's the fact that they helped make that little
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brat that I find unsettling. They were really involved! Holy shit!
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For the ladies, it's having seen them ripe with child or pushing
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strollers around displaying their little bundle to all the world.
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Sure there were those girls and guys who were making babies back in
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school, but no one I was friends with. Maybe if I did have one of them as
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my friends perhaps it wouldn't be so shocking to me as it is today. I'm not
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saying that anyone that I knew in those days didn't have sex, it just wasn't
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an ideal that I put into my head concerning them.
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Though, I was considering marriage a few years ago, I've been happy
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enough to be single since then. There has been the odd change encounter
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here and there. Ah, but, what if one of those "encounters" led to a kid of
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my very own? That's where the fun come in.
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It would be somewhat ironic, that I would become a father after years
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of having openly stated that children have bugged the shit out of me to no
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end. However, I have stated that I've only had problems with other people's
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children and not my own.
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Of course, if a child of mine did come about, Jedi-like training
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would begin immediately with music pumped in via one of those womb radios
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consisting of non-stop tracks from Mojo Nixon, They Might Be Giants,
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Garbage, Debbie Gibson and TV themes from every era.
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TV programs would start during birth and would contains such classics
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as "Doctor Who", "Star Trek", "This Old House" and "Sledge Hammer!".
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Video gaming would cover all Atari products from the 2600 to the
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Lynx. Additional training in all things Pac-Man would be also be included.
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Gadgets -- from Mr. Microphone to the Thigh Master.
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Oh, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. So much planning and
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work is left to be done. Luckily, I don't get laid much anymore.
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[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
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[(c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #785 - WRITTEN BY: JAMMER 427 - 8/12/99 ]
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