40 lines
2.6 KiB
Plaintext
40 lines
2.6 KiB
Plaintext
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ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #588
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`888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8
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888 888 888 888 888 "My Nomination for 'Greatest
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888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 Eccentric of the 20th Century'"
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888 888 888 888 888 "
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888 888 `88b d88' 888 o by Ashtray Heart [4/21/99]
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o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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I nominate Andrall Pearson, CEO of Tricon. Andrall, despite being a
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corporate despot, is well-known for loving a good time, and keeps smelling
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salts in his shoes at all times. He claims they "keep the demons away".
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Andrall also has that condition the name of which I forget-graph-something-
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-that consists of writing compulsively. He writes dozens of pages every
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day, mostly moralistic exhortations to his imaginary daughter. Andrall is
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also a party hound; he has behaved so crudely and boorishly on occasion
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that Howard Stern has denounced him in public for "poor taste". If a
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customer comes to Mr. Pearson with a complaint, he will just laugh
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maniacally for hours on end, until the customer goes away. Despite these
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quirks, Pearson exemplifies company pride, as seen in his infamous "chicken
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pants". These are pants specially constructed to mimic the crispy coating
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on Kentucky Fried Chicken (a subsidiary of Tricon), right down to the
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smell. As a result, Pearson has to be kept away from all dogs, who will
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attack him rabidly if they are put within 50 feet of his "chicken pants".
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If he has to be around a dog, he will remove the pants, but will not wear
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any other pants. "It's either the chicken pants or no pants at all", he
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says. There is no love lost between Andrall Pearson and dogs, that's for
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certain. One of his favorite pastimes, left over from his career as a
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sharpshooter in the service, is to go down to Cherokee Park, get out a big
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ol' sniper rifle, and shoot dogs. He'll stay out all day shooting dogs,
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and then in the evening he will stick around and get his cock sucked. He
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is always delighted when one of his many anonymous homosexual liasons
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comments that his cock "tastes like Kentucky Fried Chicken". For these
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reasons and many more, I believe that Andrall Pearson is is one of the 10
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most eccentric personalities of this century.
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[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #588 - WRITTEN BY: ASHTRAY HEART - 4/21/99 ]
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