111 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
111 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
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'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!!
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##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #483 !!
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#########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !!
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##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: ===========================================
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##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Mother's Green Sweater" !!
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##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> Jook !!
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..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 2/10/99 !!
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!!========================================================================!!
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rosie reclined in her lawn chair. one hand on her sweet, sweet
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lemonade while the other rested in the unfreshly cut grass feeling the
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grass grow around her fingers -> above her lawn chair -> and up to a
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cloud that resembled her ex-boyfriend, linus.
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meanwhile, a weed trimmer buzzzed in the adjacent lawn. the man
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trimming was dick simmons.
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"damn you, dicky simmons!@" rosie had broken her summer afternoon
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silence. the two usually never spoke. "i hate your freakin' weed
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trimming. you're always trimming your lawn, aren't you? don't answer
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that question. why can't you just let your lawn be naturaaaal. look at
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my lawn. i just let it be and look how beautiful it is. can't you
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respect your lawn for what it is instead of changing it? how do you
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think the lawn feels when how it looks isn't good enough for you? why
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don't you just buy yourself some fuckin' astroturf and a down and then
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you can have a nice little artificial sun so you can make your little
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plants grow just how you like it."
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"i must because i must, rosie. my lawn is a reflection of myself.
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a lawn that was unkept would relect that i am a dirty, sloppy man. it
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would tell people that i didn't care. for instance, look at my head." he
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paused. "are you looking at my head, rosie?"
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"yes, dicky, i am looking at your freakin' head."
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"good. see, my hair is well kept. i get it cut every thursday
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evening @ 7:45 PM. sometimes more often than that. one time i couldn't
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make it to my apointment because i had a weed emergency. billy, my
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hairdude, that i was dead. he's such a cute, round, pudgy man. i love
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to watch his tummy jiggle when he laughs after i tell him jokes about my
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lawn while he cuts my hair. sometimes he giggles randomly. some days he
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doesn't giggle at all." rosie? rosie, are you listening?
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she laid there silently.
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"shit!" dick jumped over the fence. "are you okay?!"
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moving abrubtly backwards and behind her lawnchair, rosie looked
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at dick. "what the hell are you doing?"
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"i thought you were dead?!"
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"good lord -- i just didn't care too much about what you were
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saying. i was just annoyed by your weedtrimmer. now, though, i'm annoyed
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by your stories. remind me not to talk to you again for another six and a
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half years and to build that fence a few hundred feet higher. your
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overbearingness makes me want to vomit. you know what colour my vomit is?
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it's not pretty. it's the colour of my mother's green sweater."
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"good lord. i've seen that sweater. it's not pretty."
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"i haven't worn it in years because I HATE THE COLOUR. DON'T MAKE
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ME VOMIT."
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"perhaps i am a bit overbearing." Dicky, surprised by this
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revalation, sat down on the lawn chair. "i'm too sunny, aren't i? i'm
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too bright."
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"perhaps i'm a bit too gloomy, dicky."
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"yeah, kind rosie."
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"if we become one, everything would be perfect again, wouldn't it?"
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a smile came across both of their faces as this possibility seemed to be
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the only answer for dicky's eternally sunny and rosie's eternally gloomy
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lives.
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"i've got an idea," rosie said to dicky. "maybe if we try to
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become one person we can be okay!"
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"yeah," she continued, "then where there is sunshine, there is
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also shade!"
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"so how do we become one person?" ricky questioned.
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"well, i've got an idea. i'll lay down on the lawn chair and then
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you lay on top of me. then we start to hug, pull, and grind against each
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other's bodies until our bodies merge into a single entitiy!"
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"sounds fun!"
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>> 18 hours later >>
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"are we done yet?" dicky asked while ramming his face against
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rosie's.
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"not quite! i only see three legs, though. so it must be working
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and i'm feeling kinda perky!"
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"sweet!"
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"don't knock over our lemonade, dicky, your rocking me too much to
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the left."
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"oh, sorry 'bout that!"
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!!========================================================================!!
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!! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #483, WRITTEN BY: JOOK - 2/10/99 !!
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