97 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
97 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
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$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #142
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$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
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$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
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$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
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$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
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$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
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$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
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$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
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>> "Are You Calling Me A Liar?" <<
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by -> Trilobyte
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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From: tril@dto.net
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To: ???@???.???
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Date: Tue, 26 Aug 1997 16:54:33 -0600
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X-Mailer: YAM 1.3.4 - Amiga Mailer by Marcel Beck
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Subject: my mother
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i have come armed with a complete example of why my mother is so stupid.
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school starts tomorrow. she wants me to go out and get supplies today. my
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sunbird is in the shop. my buick is missing the rear window, thereby having
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a large hole in the roof. she is gone with her car, my father is gone with
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his car. that leaves a scooter/moped and my bicycle. i decide that i will
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go out in the buick to get school supplies. when i walk outside, i see that
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it is completely overcast and there are a few low-hanging dark clouds. i,
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being the aged and wise person that i have grown to be, decided that it
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looked as if it were about to rain.
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my mother comes home.
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"did you do _anything_ you were supposed to?"
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i told her that i shaved. i was also supposed to call the barber for an
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appointment, possibly for today, but decided that i had too many things to
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do today, so i didn't call him. she was not happy about this, and argued
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that i could fit it in. i said it wasn't important, then she asked later if
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she should call and make an appointment.
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"sure. but not for thursday, i'm working then."
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"thursday?! i'm talking about today!!"
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"i told you i didn't want an appointment for today."
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"you never get anything done. bla bla bla bla." <slams door>
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so. anyway. i then say that i didn't go out and get supplies because it
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looked as if it was going to rain. she gets very angry.
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"WELL. YOU must have been looking THIS MORNING because the sky is perfectly
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clear and the sun is shining bright. you have NO excuse to have not gone
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out and gotten school supplies."
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"my buick has no rear window. if it were to rain --"
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"if it was going to rain, you wouldn't get that wet. and if you're so
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concerned about it, why don't you just walk or take your scooter?"
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<i don't even touch the stupidity of this fucking comment.>
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i walk upstairs to look outside. it is still completely overcast with
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little, low-hanging, dark-gray clouds looming.
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"oh yeah, mom, it's completely sun-shiny and happy. look at this. it's
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completely overcast. WHY would you LIE about that?"
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<my mother HATES being called a liar.>
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"ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?"
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"you just completely lied about something pointless to try and prove your
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non-existant point!"
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"LISTEN HERE. YOU NEVER EVER CALL ME A LIAR EVER AGAIN. I AM _NOT_ A LIAR.
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I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD EVEN SAY SUCH A THING."
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<she continues to mumble and moan and groan as i avoid her and go
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downstairs. she will, for the next 10 minutes, open the basement door, yell
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something inane and stupid at me, and then SLAM the door really hard. this
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will happen 4 or 5 times within the following 10 minute period. then she
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will come downstairs, sit on the stairs, and with a syrupy-sweet voice, say
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something else to try to get my goat, and then act like she was just asking
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very nicely. i play along with this argument for a while, and then ignore
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her, because she's doing this for herself. she needs to do this. i'm only
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here as a prop. that's why i gave her a lego-man one time. i told her to
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take out all of her frustration on him, not me. it didn't work. he just
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sits on top of the microwave doing nothing all the time. lucky stiff.>
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i bought one of those Tyco Lego-phones at the salvation army yesterday.
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it's rad. i always wanted one when i was a kid. well, sort of. i always
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preferred cordless phones, so no matter how cool a phone was, if it wasn't
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cordless, i considered it to be useless.
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hey hey.
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #142 -- written by Trilobyte -- 12/9/97 *
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