106 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
106 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
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$$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #139
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$$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt.
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$$$$P $$$$ x$$$$
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$$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$.
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$$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$
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$$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$'
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$$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P'
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$$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %%
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$$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %%
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>> "potato salad" <<
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by -> murmur
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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prologue: this is the tale of shizbit of the planet patheticos in a
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far away galaxy. shizbit was sent to earth to try to understand how
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earthlings work. disguised as an earth creature, he was able to enroll in a
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small liberal arts university in the midwest, hoping that this would enable
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him to investigate earthlings on a very personal level. of course, shizbit,
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being vaguely unfamiliar with certain earthling traditions, like headbutts
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and handshakes, would have to rely mostly on his roommate for cues on how to
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"be" an earthling. unfortunately for shizbit, he was assigned for a
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roommate an individual known as enos. the following are from his daily logs
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back to patheticos. after three months, shizbit, having reached the point
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of clinical insanity, was recalled to patheticos, where he remains in a
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janitorial position.
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earth day.
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08/28/96: i am settled in to my 'dorm room'. my roommate, enos gain, has
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not yet arrived. these rooms are particularly interesting; there
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appear to be multiple 'outlets' in the walls for various types of
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earth devices. enos and i shall each have a desk and a dresser
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and a 'closet' device. i could grow to like this place, i think.
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08/29/96: enos has arrived, and is already well on his way to breaking any
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conceived notion i had of how earth creatures operate. all of
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his carrying devices have bright red decals attached to them
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which say "ETHIOPIAN AIRLINES". he has brought what he claims to
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be a 'starfish colony' and he has many tubes of the earth
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specimen known as 'toothpaste', yet his teeth are quite green, so
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perhaps 'toothpaste' has a different meaning than i once thought.
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i am so fortunate to have for a roommate such a fine specimen. i
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shall learn a great deal from him, i am quite sure.
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08/30/96: enos woke up at 4 a.m. this morning claiming that he had to
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undergo his daily spleen cleansing. i am very curious about what
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this "spleen cleansing" operation entails. he has also stapled
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many brownish shrazplot-shaped objects that he calls "mama's
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bratwursts" to the walls. i am not sure if this is for
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decoration or for insect attraction. i had always been under the
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impression that insects were not welcome by earthlings, but
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apparently that is not the case. how fascinating.
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08/31/96: these earth beings are very odd indeed. many of them appear to
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become quite saddened when i inform them that my roommate is enos
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gain. i do not understand. one of them commented, "that sucks,
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dued" but i have no idea what is sucking what or who "dued" is.
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my earth name is johnny, recall. i also went to my first classes
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today. there are many earth creatures that wear these contorted
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objects called 'hats'. it appears to be to keep the insects out
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of their eyelids. perhaps i shall need to get a 'hat'. enos has
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such a 'hat', but i can not read what is written on it because it
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appears that it has been through an earth fire.
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09/01/96: the 'r.a.' stopped by today while enos was out and asked me why
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we had bratwursts stapled to the walls. i told him i thought it
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was to attract insects and he looked at me very oddly and said he
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would return later. also, the colony of starfish appeared to be
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moving today. they are very tiny creatures and i am not at all
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sure what the appeal is. they are contained in what is known as
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a 'pitcher' and there is an open packet next to the 'pitcher'
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that says something about "sea monkey food". i do not understand
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such things yet.
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09/02/96: there is this unusual earth specimen called 'candy'. the premise
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of this candy is to be "tasty" and supposedly to "happy one's
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mouth." i have seen many people eating this candy called the
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'mint' which is a small globuzo-shaped object. enos offered me
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some of his candy today and said it was very good candy and he
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liked it a lot. this 'opium' he gave me did not make very much
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sense to me. apparently enos was adversely affected by the candy
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because he suddenly declared it was "time to mellow out, dued."
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i still do not know who "dued" is or why people keep discussing
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this individual, but i'm determined to figure it out. enos
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passed out shortly thereafter.
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09/03/96: i was invited to a "jammin frat party" today and i thought this
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might be an excellent opportunity to see how earth people
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interact. i was shocked. large men wearing the 'hats' drink
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massive quantities of 'alcohol' and 'dance' with earth women that
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often have large fatzuus stuck to their chests and they too drink
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this 'alcohol'. alcohol must be another kind of candy like the
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opium enos so enjoys. i then followed an earth man and woman
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into this room and apparently their tongue muscles were engaging
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in a fistfight, not all that unlike the phelephuls from
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boronisfifthelementia.
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-/- END OF TRANSMISSION -/-
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #139 -- written by Murmur -- 12/4/97 *
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