150 lines
7.2 KiB
Plaintext
150 lines
7.2 KiB
Plaintext
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T h e G R E E N Y w o r l d D o m i n a t i o n T a s k F o r c e
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Presents:
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"Shakespeare Silliness: Part the First"
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by Lobo
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We all know the famous poem "The Seven Ages of Man" by good ol' Willy S.,
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don't we? Well, if not, here goes:
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THE SEVEN AGES OF MAN
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from _As You Like It_
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by William Shakespeare
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All the world's a stage
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And all the men and women merely players;
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They have their exits and their entrances,
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And one man in his time plays many parts,
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His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
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Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;
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And then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
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And shining morning face, creeping like snail
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Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
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Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
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Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
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Full of strange oaths, bearded like the pard,
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Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
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Seeking the bubble reputation
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Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
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In fair round belly with good capon lined,
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With eyes severe and beard of normal cut,
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Full of wise saws and modern instances;
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And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
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Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
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With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
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His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
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For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
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Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
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And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
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That ends this strange eventful history,
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Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
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Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
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Well, there it is. My English teacher, thinking we were all poets, said
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that we should all re-write that poem so that it reflects something that is as
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important to us as the stage was to Shakespeare and that makes sense in the here
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and now. Here is what I wrote at first:
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THE SEVEN PHASES OF CRIME
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by Lobo
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All the world's a crackhouse
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And all the men and women merely junkies;
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They have their habits and the the things they do,
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And one man in his addiction does many things,
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His jobs having seven phases. At first the crack baby,
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Whining when he doesn't get his high;
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And then the boy-dealer, with his backpack
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And shining AK-47, walking sulkily
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To make his rounds on the streets. And then the full-fledged dealer,
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Working at the furnace, melting cocaine into crack
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To give to the ho's that he pimps. Then a gangster,
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Clothed in solid colors and doing drive-bys,
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Jealous of others who dared to enter his 'hood.
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Seeking to smash the others
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Even with an enemy's gun in his mouth. And then the cartel,
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With fine cars and Armani suits
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With mistresses and "designer drugs",
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Full of advice or bullet-holes;
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And so he runs the business. The sixth phase shifts him
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Into the lean and mean Mafia Don.
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With wiretap on chest and sawed-off at his side;
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His pinstripe suit, well preserved, way too small
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For his fat body; and his big manly jive,
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Going back to when he was a kid on the streets, lungs
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And throat ruined by cigarettes and crack pipes. Last phase of all,
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That ends this organized criminal's days,
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Is losing control of his bladder
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As a hitman's bullet enters his brain.
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Well, since it was supposed to be something important to me and because I
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didn't think my teacher would like that, I started over and wrote this, although
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"The Seven Phases of Illegalities" is much funnier:
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THE SUB-ROUTINES OF MAN
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by Lobo
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All the world's a computer
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And all the men and women merely circuits and programs;
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They have their useful times and their useless times,
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And one man in his life accesses many programs, but never for himself,
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This sequence operating under many sub-routines. At first the child
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Is made. Thrust just from the womb into the circuit board known as life,
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He does nothing at all but retrieve one or two programs, again and again,
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Always with the great fear of being replaced by a newer model of himself.
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If he is lucky, he might know love, and if he abounds with
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Luck, the object of his affections might just love him back. He lives,
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Maybe having children in the form of updated versions of programs, maybe
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Even his own. He then becomes an artifact, finally outdated, finally
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almost
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Finished with his work. At this point he is often retired, and he might go
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on
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A few trips. Usually, he will be thrown in a hole, and covered with dirt,
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Along with many of his comrades. If he is ever again allowed to use his
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Talents, it will be to show young children what life and computing were
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Like in his generation. His remains may be discovered years down the road
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And studied by those more advanced than he, just to see how something this
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Simple could have possibly worked. In the final sub-routine of this grand
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Program that we call life, the man is finally laid to rest; without heart,
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mind,
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Body, or soul, he falls to the all encompassing oblivion.
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Sure, it's corny, cheesy, etc., but so what? Sure there aren't seven sub-
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routines in that poem, but the teacher still liked it. In fact, I got a 100 on
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it. Woo woo.
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Thus, we leave you until the next exciting installment of Shakespeare Silliness,
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a satire of that most celebrated of plays, _Romeo and Juliet_.
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Both poems by me were written on February 7, 1994, just in case you were
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wondering. It's just taken me until today, May 22, 1994 to actually put them in
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the same file and to type up the one by Shakespeare.
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-Lobo
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GwD Command Centers-
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Chaos (806)797-7501
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SysOp-Seth Sometimes (Mission Control)
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GridPoint (405)920-1347
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SysOp-Transderm-Nitro (First Conquest, we finally got the new number!)
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Federation Slayers' (806)798-8168
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SysOp-Big Red Fed
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The Starchy White Boy BBS (803)###-####
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SysOp-Fastjack (Moved to South Carolina, number available soon)
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Light My Fire (806)795-4926
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SysOp-Ailanthus
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The Snake's Den (806)793-3779
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SysOp-Diamondback
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The Siege Perilous (806)762-0948
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Brazen's Hell (301)776-8259
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SysOp-Brazen (Eastern Outpost)
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Club Baby Seal (817)429-4636
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SysOp-Zippy (Penile Implant Site)
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/---------------\
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copyright (c) 1994 by Lobo of GwD Inc. :FIGHT THE POWER:
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GREENY world Domination Task Force copyright (c) 1993 by Lobo: GwD :
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All rights reserved to The Wearer of the Green Undies! \---------------/
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