65 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
65 lines
3.2 KiB
Plaintext
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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|| || || || || || || \\ // ------------------------------------
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H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<<
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|| || || || || \\ || // \\ EGGPLANT.DBC
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E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #006-TE01 -- [06/04/91]
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______________________________________________________________________________
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Eggplantistismistism:
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---------------------
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[ a.k.a. The Cult of the Almighty Eggplant ]
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a religious instruction file by
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The Eternally Happy One
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Some Basic Facts:
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-----------------
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A member of this cult, called an Eggplantistismist, worships a medium
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sized, bowling-pin shaped purple vegetable with a green top. The only belief,
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basically, is that the said plant controls everything throughout the known
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Universe. Proof of this is *not necessary* for one to become an Eggplantist
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-ismist.
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Why Kings Wear Purple:
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----------------------
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Long ago, kings, wishing to be assoctiated with the incredible, almighty
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and generally extremely wonderful eggplant, wore purple robes and leaves on
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their heads. However, the head-leaf ornament was gilded to represent their
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regal royalty. Eventually, these leafy caps developed into what is today
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called, by uninformed, uninitiated Non-Eggplantistismists call crowns. The
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*truth* about the robes was replaced by some silly theory (the *conspiracy's*
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ill hand at work) concerning rare dyes, which has been ruthlessly spread by
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false historians and scientists. Why have they done this? They have decided
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that Eggplantistismistism doesn't exist JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T HEARD OF
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IT!!! (Isn't that stupid...) Revive Eggplantistismistism!!!
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How YOU Can Join the Cult of the Almighty Eggplant:
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---------------------------------------------------
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Step One: Read this.
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Step Two: Tell your friends.
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Step Three: Tell your enemies.
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Step Four: Declare yourself High-Poobah-King-Lord of the Eggplants of
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[- YOUR town's name here! -].
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Step Five: Argue with your friends about who is the *true*
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High-Poobah-King-Lord of the Eggplants of [- YOUR town's name here -].
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Step Six: Agree that you are *all* High-Poobah-King-Lords and shake hands.
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Step Seven: Hang signs all over your town and school advertising
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Eggplantistismistism.
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Step Eight: Split apart and form rival Eggplantistismistism factions.
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Step Nine: Enjoy a large, steaming hot Eggplant Quiche and a glass of
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guava juice.
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Step Ten: Repeat steps One through Ten.
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[Like the Corona Five-Step, but not as pathetic. Down with k-lame beer ads!]
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______________________________________________________________________________
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(C)1991 by The Durex Blender Corporation, T.E.H.O.
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All Rights Available at the Door. No Reservations.
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*** Spread the word of Turnex, the Blender for the Next Millenium. ***
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The Durex Blender Corporation : Boston (617) 696-8156 - 24oo/8N1 - 24 hours
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