74 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
74 lines
4.4 KiB
Plaintext
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T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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|| || || || || || || \\ // ------------------------------------
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H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<<
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|| || || || || \\ || // \\ RAD-MAN .DBC
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E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #002-AA01 -- [03/21/91]
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______________________________________________________________________________
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"Radiation Man"
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---------------
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by Aldebaran Arghat
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"Ladies, gentlemen, and members of the press," opened the press
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secretary of the Nuclear Regulatory Commision, "I have called this conference
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to address the many questions the public has about our current situation.
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Two months ago today, as you all know, seventeen nuclear warheads
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accidentally were detonated in our beautiful state of Nebraska. I realize
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that you have many problems which you would like addressed, and I will get to
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as many of them as possible. First question?"
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"I'm from the Lake Wakanookacherri area, in Mudhowle County, and the
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citizens of the county have been having problems with their livestock. Billy
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Bob O'Spooley, a chicken farmer, is here with me."
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"Dang nabbit! My durn chickins is glowin' durn green! When me needs
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some grub fur m'family I ain't gonna want to give'em no radioactive
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chickins!"
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"The problems that we are facing with contaminated food and livestock
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are being looked into, and I assure you that the problem will be solved, Mr.
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O'Spooley. Next question?"
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"I'm Mayor Coulden B. Wurss of Hicktowne, where one of the warheads
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detonated. I have been getting complaints from citizens of body parts being
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found throughout Hicktowne. Today, when my son drank from our well, his
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tongue fell out and he swallowed it."
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"Glllughh... spleeechhhhch... glug.." the young boy eloquently said.
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"I agree," said the press secretary, "that someting must be done about
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the contamination, and the physical effects it has on the people of Nebraska,
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and we are currently looking into it."
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"Lookin' into it! I oughta ring yer neck you durn yellowbellies scum
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suckin' cahoot!" Billy Bob rose from his seat, clenching his fists and
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gritting his teeth, and began to force his way towards the press secretary.
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Suddenly, the door to the meeting hall burst open. A tall muscular
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figure, wearing a green cap and mud stained over-alls, was in the doorway on
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a tractor. "I," spoke the figure, "am RADIATION MAN!"
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Screams of fear broke out, as the sounds of radiation man's theme song
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echoed through the chamber, and radiation man dismounte his tractor. Green
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goo dripping from his cap, radiation man slowly advanced toward the press
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secretary.
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"Your nuclear technology has caused me much pain and suffering. I was
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once a peaceful farmer in this 'beautiful' state. Two months ago, while I
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was telling ghost stories to my daughter Betsy Lou and my turtle Hernandez, I
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heard a horrible crashing noise, as a warhead detonated. My house was
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destroyed, and if it was't for the protective layer of caked on dirt and
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grime on my skin I would have perished also. Now I am a mutant, the remains
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of a thing which once was human, the burnt body of what was a peaceful
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farmer. Look what you have done to me! Just think about the suffering that
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this technology has caused before a similar mistake is made. I will be
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leaving now."
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With that, radiation man leaped upon his tractor, and backed up through
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the wall, onward into a world of pain, sorrow, and death, with no future, and
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no past... only radiation sickness and pain.
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[Remember kids, don't play around with nuclear stuff. It's dangerous and
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you can seriously injure yourself. Don't put it in your mouth. Nobody will
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think you're "cool", so give up on it. Anyway, that stunt's been done, and it
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causes cancer of the mouth and tongue faster than chewing tobacco. - RT]
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______________________________________________________________________________
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(C)1991 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Aldebaran Arghat
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All Rights Available at the Door. No Reservations.
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*** Spread the word of Turnex, the Blender for the Next Millenium. ***
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The Durex Blender Corporation : Boston (617) 696-8156 - 24oo/8N1 - 24 hours
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