101 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
101 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
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<20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20>
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<20><> <20><> <20> <20> <20>
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<20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
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BLaH <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20>
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File <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> Written March 20, 1994
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#044 <20> <20>ig <20>ong <20><><EFBFBD> <20>nd <20> <20>airy
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<20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
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<20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><>
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Presents
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<20> <20><> <20>
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"So You Wanna Be Goth..."
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<20> by <20>
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Guido Sanchez
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<20> <20><> <20>
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::::::
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Goth- how very
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::::::
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OFFICIAL BLaH HAND-E-Z-REFERENCE CZECHLIST for those who truly lust
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for Attaining that Most Noble of G0alzz... being Goth
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Are you really Goth enough? score each answer 1 for yes, 0 for no, and 2
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if you couldn't read the question through the tears brimming in your
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eyes at the mere mention of Morrisey
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1. Are you British?
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2. Do you lust after/aspire to be like Winona Ryder? <pick one depending
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on sexual preference ... double points for both>
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3. Does the Cure make you Cry?
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4. Is your last name Eldritch?
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5. Can you complete this sentence : "Hey Now, Hey Now Now Now..."
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6. Are you into Sandman?
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7. Does your skin blind you?
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8. Do you wear sunglasses at night?
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9. Assign 1 point for each pentagram or other mystical symbol you're
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wearing right now <clothing counts>.
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10. Are you pagan?
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11. Peter Murphy is to Bauhaus as Morrisey is to ....
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12. Assign 1 point for each blatantly blasphemous <by christian
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standards> piece of modern art you have in or around your house <double
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if the floor layout of your house matches a gothic cathedral>
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13. Do you own a pipe organ?
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14. Do you listen to Depress Mode?
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15. 2 points for each scar on your wrists <double if the cause was
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robert smith>
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16. Do you know Morrisey's first name?
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17. 1 point for each time you've seen Rocky Horror Picture Show.
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18. 1 point for each version of Dracula you've seen/read.
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19. Do you wear all black?
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20. 1 point for each coffeehouse you frequent that has a French-sounding
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name.
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21. Do you just generally suck?
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22. 1 point if you swallow.
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23. 1 point for each word/phrase you use often in your vocabulary :
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macabre depressing gothic ennui
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decrepit sad vampiric blase
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ghastly woe gaunt c'est la vie
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morose sigh crypt passe
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24. Damnit, won't you just leave me the fuck alone? Isn't there
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something better you could be doing than reading this shit? Shouldn't
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you be at Cafe Ennui crying or something? Maybe lusting over a picture
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of James Dean or something? FUCK AWAY ALREADY YOU LITTLE POSER PIECE OF
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SHIT. Here's Robert Smith's Phone Number. +44, 788 522 142. Go stalk him
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or something you pathetic pseudo-intellectual. You're certainly dressed
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for it you fucking morbid freak. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SO DEPRESSED
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ABOUT? Stop being so gloomy. Go outside, pick a flower, try not to mourn
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the end of its natural life, and sniff it. Find something happy and
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obsess over it. Otherwise you'll end up a bitter old shell such as
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myself, on medication in a home and too chicken-shit to pull the plug
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because you thrive on depression. Maybe at least then you'll stop
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wearing black. There's this new invention, it's called COLOR. Look into
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it.
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The only reason I write this shit is because I see Goth going the way of
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the cyberpunk.. that is, people are ashamed to be associated with the
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group due to the relatively recent influx of posers.. unfortunately with
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the Goth movement, "posers" are the ones who've made it what it is today..
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<--Propaganda and shit---------------------------------------------->
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bah.. I'm going to bed now
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Wanna join BLaH? Then you're even stupider than you look. Get over it.
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No matter how much the promise of such glory empties you, no matter how
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much each new issue resembles your pathetic scribblings, you will never
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be me. I'm high on myself and the glory that IS blah.. couple more hours
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of this and I get the tattoo..
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BLaH <sigh>TzZZzz
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Nun-Beaters Anonymous <708> 251-5094
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The Obloid Sphere <708> 965-3098
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I'm so high, I swear I could fly..
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<---Did i mention that I'm british?--------------------------------->
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