77 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
77 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
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<20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20>
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<20><> <20><> <20> <20> <20>
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<20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
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BLaH <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20>
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File <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> Written Sept. 6th, 1992
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#028 <20> <20>ig <20>ong <20><><EFBFBD> <20>nd <20> <20>airy
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<20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
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<20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><>
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Presents
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<20> <20><> <20>
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"Television is a Symptom"
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<20> by <20>
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Constantine
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<20> <20><> <20>
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You've all seen the studies, the in-depth statistical field surveys
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and test subject examinations that take about $30 million in taxpayers'
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dollars to prove what we've known all along-- that television has turned
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the nation into a community of smiling lobotomy victims.
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Wrongo-dongo, Captain Stupid. This nation has ALWAYS been a
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community of smiling lobotomy victims. Television is merely a symptom,
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as well as a meter of how far gone a person is into the Land of the
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Terminally Dumb (from which there is no escape).
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Case in point: Wheel of Fortune. Yes, it's sad that Wheel of
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Fortune should serve as an example of ANYTHING, but it does make a fantastic
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gauge of ineptitude. Take the following situation-- the winning contestant
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stands at the prize showcase, trying to decide. Pat asks, "Will you go for
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the new car or the kitchenette set?"
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IF THE HOME VIEWER (test subject) SAYS:
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<20> "He should take the car"
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She [note: we WOULD put s/he, but as stated in a previous BLaHfile, we
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are not and never have been politically correct. Most viewers of Wheel
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of Fortune ARE female, we did a study. Honest. We did. Why the hell am
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I justifying myself to you? This editor's note is yet ANOTHER symptom=
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GS] is in an early stage of idiocy--caring about the life of a
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stranger on a pathetically simple game show is a bad sign, but it's
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not too late to stop the disease before it gets any worse.
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Recommendation: Immediate exposure to "Mystery Science Theater 3000"
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followed by lots of fresh air.
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<20> "Hurry up! Jeopardy is on in five minutes!"
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Unpredictable. Jeopardy fans are either neurosurgeons, neurosurgeon
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wanna-bes, or masochists. Could be a party, either way.
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<20> "Oh! Ohhh! Take the car! Take the car!"
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(accompanied by moaning and flailing arms). The subject is gone.
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The dreaded "television people can hear me" syndrome is a sure sign
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of social psychosis.
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Recomendation: A severe beating (won't help the subject, but will do
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wonders to relieve tension).
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<20> "I'll take YOU, studmuffin!"
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A good sign. Having Rocky Horror flashbacks and doing sleazy improv
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in the face of absurdity reveals a healthy mental attitude. Consider
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applying to BLaH for a writing position.
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Recomendation: a cookie.
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As you can see, far from being the demonic corruptor of American
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youth (that's our job), television is a handy tool to root out the Dumb
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amongst us. Use it today, before it's too late!
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{---Ned Fo Elif... Efas-T-Ztun syas "3904 Setyb Latot"-----------------------}
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If you enjoyed this tfile, you will also enjoy banging your head into a steel
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beam. And calling these boards.
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Nun-Beaters Anonymous <708>251-5094
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Carbon Nation <708>965-8965
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The Insane Asylum <305>927-3028
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The Realm Of Death <419>475-3089
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{---PrOpAgANda Line.. a big yello to bobby anton wilson... -----------------}
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