373 lines
17 KiB
Plaintext
373 lines
17 KiB
Plaintext
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* *
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* Evil Angels Presents... / *
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* / *
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* Anarchistic Tendencies... Part V / *
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* / *
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* VAGABORING! (YAWN) /_____ *
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* / *
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* Released 16 October 1988 / *
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* / *
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* By: Lightening Bolt and the Evil Angels. / *
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* *
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* *
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***************************************************************************
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+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
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| Ring these Boards! |
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| -> Pacific Island. 8902174. 300/300 ONLY. 24 hours a day! |
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| -> The Twilite Zone. 5620686. 300/300 1200/1200. 24 hours a day! |
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| -> Zen BBS 8996180 Rotary Running TBBS |
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| -> Doodz Domain 6465861 All Speeds 23 hours a day! |
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| -> Electric Dreams 8131663 300/300 1200/1200 23 hours a day! |
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| -> Crystal Palace 7251923 All Speeds 23 hours a day! |
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| -> The Crossover 3675816 All Speeds 23 hours a day! |
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+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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WARNING!
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You may find the following document boring, for this we (the
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authors) do apologise, but feel that the facts must be made
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public to protect the innocent, and expose the guilty.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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Name: Vagabond. (Boringus Maximus)
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Born: (We suspect not.) August 1969.
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Description: A reasonably tall dark haired creature.
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Has many distinguishing features, such as his
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square eyeballs to make viewing a monitor easier,
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and his well developed fingers that make a 50%
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speed increase in typing.
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Habitat: The Vagabond can usually be found (with one exception)
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in front of a computer. During the day you will find the
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Vagabond "working" in front of a computer, during the
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evenings you will most commonly find it at home in front
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of a computer. The one exception is Friday evenings.
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This is the time of week that a metamorphosis occurs, and
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it throws off it's boring casing and leaves the protection
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of it's elders, and goes to watch a movie (the same each week).
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Eating Habits: The Vagabond is a scavenger most of the time.
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It feeds mostly on chips that is steals off work mates.
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Before it attacks, it can be detected by the characteristic
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"Chippie Chippie Chippie!" sounds. Also feeds on Mars Bars,
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and whatever the mother will make him eat.
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Reproduction: Frequent encounters with Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters.
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As yet there has been no other documented activity, with
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one exception to this. The mating ritual of the Vagabond begins
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with spending several hours talking in his car, if the subject
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falls asleep, things progress. However, it has been known to fail.
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(On the one and only occasion!)
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Movement: Without a vehicle to move, the Vagabond tends to be
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clumsy. It has been described by a famous biologist as:
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"If he was walking through the MCG, and there was a packet of
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matches in the middle of the oval, he'd trip over the matches."
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With the aid of a vehicle, the Vagabond is BORING. He
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travels extensively in a Datsun Stanza. Now, if that isn't
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boring enough, (the car CAN'T go faster than 120 KM/H)
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he adheres strictly to the speed limits, with statements
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about how he can accelerate and remain at a constant speed
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(providing quadronomial vector equations to prove his point)
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and turns a corner at 5 KM/H to demonstrate.
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Fantasies: It is amazing, but the Vagabond does have fantasies.
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A well known one is that he is locked in a computer shop
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over night. Others such as having people laugh at one of his
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jokes may never be realised, but he is trying...
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Phobias: The Vagabond is well known for it's fear of excitement. It has
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been traced back to his early childhood, where exciting events
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occurred, and his subconscious has never come to terms with
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those events. Thus, a good time to the Vagabond consists of
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watching test patterns on channel 2, reading a movie on SBS,
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or even better checking that his 101 key keyboard still has
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it's 101 keys!
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Dress: The Vagabond is renowned for his poor taste in clothes. His
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selections (from the Brotherhood bins) is always at least
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one size too large, and his shirts are always untucked.
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Achievements: The Vagabond has achieved a new dimension in boringness.
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He has made a brick wall commit suicide when he tried to
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convince it to vote Liberal in the last elections. (The wall
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was a Liberal supporter anyway, until Vagabond talked to it.)
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His proudest achievement is counting 93,000 sheep one
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night, until sheep fell asleep. Ge then wrote a long boring
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story about it.
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History: The Vagabond became known in late 1986. With his VIC-20
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and 300 baud modem he managed to bore a lot of people without
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actually being there to bore them.
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With his new computer, the IBM compatible, new 1200 baud
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modem, and own phone line, he has been able to bore a lot
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more people quicker.
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It wasn't until 1988 that he got a job and started working
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in the ideal environment; the PC division of a large national
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company. He can now bore an enormous amount of people, quickly
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and efficiently and gets paid for it!
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Closing Comments: If you are someone who showers more than once per
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week, goes out at least as often as you shower, and don't
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get past counting 10 sheep before you go to bed at night, or
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get pubic hair (not your own) caught between your teeth every
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now and then, then this is one person you should avoid.
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You'll find him boring!
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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This Edition's Awards
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---------------------
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Bastard of the month........................ The Masked Avenger
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(AGAIN!)
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Boring person of the month.................. Vagabond
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(AGAIN!)
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Drunken slob of the month................... Fearless Fred
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(AGAIN!)
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Driver of the month......................... Raster Blaster
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(Oh that poor Sillycar!)
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Romeo of the month.......................... Disk Destroyer
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Cute ass of the month (possibly all time)... SYN ...
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Who can put who's tongue in someone ........ Thelonius Monk
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else's month for the longest time .......... ECH!?
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(Combined Award!)
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Baby Sitter of the month award.............. Ivan Trotsky
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(Skullfucker)
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Sysop of the month.......................... Craig Bowen
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(AND NEXT MONTH...)
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Tree-stump rapist of the month.............. Royna
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Bullshit award.............................. The Mentat
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("I don't bullshit")
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Circumcised head award...................... Brett McMillian
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Have Tweezers, will wank award.............. Taxi Cab
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Topex award................................. Cadet Ace
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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Quotes for this month.
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----------------------
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The Mentat: "Everybody goes through my bag for NUI's."
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SYN ...: "I'm Easy!"
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"I can't seem to get mine to warble."
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The Masked Avenger: "Oh no, I've got brain damage, but
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what a relief, I've got a brain!"
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Masky: "I'm too gullible"
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Fred: "You can't be. The word 'gullible' has
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been removed from the English dictionary."
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Masky: "Has is?"
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Disk Destroyer: (About Fire Fox) "You can have her nasal
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hairs, but I'll have the rest of her anyday."
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Fire Fox: (About Disk Destroyer) "Errrrr! YUCH!"
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Mandi: (About Disk Destroyer) "Errrrrrrr! YUCH!"
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Royna: (About Disk Destroyer) "Does he have a dick?"
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Raster Blaster: "Go away, I'm having a good time!"
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"I haven't slept for 5 days."
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Fearless Fred: "It was a two dollar note!"
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(The morning after drinking 3/4 of a bottle
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of Bundaberg Rum)
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"Urgg. I don't feel too good!"
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Anon: "Can I watch you go to the toilet?"
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Taxi Cab: "I'm going to send my sicopath frend onto U!"
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(Spelling has not been altered)
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"If you come around here, I'll blow your heads off."
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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----------------------
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E V I L A N G E L S
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----------------------
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You too can help rid the world of nerds. By purchasing any of
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the following quality official Evil Angels Products.
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"I hate the Masked Avenger" Badges $ 2-50
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"I hate Taxi Cab" Badges (In high demand) $ 3.00
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Evil Angels Windcheaters... $25-00
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All sizes, all colours, design is Front: "I hate the Masked Avenger"
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"Evil Angels: Ridding the
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world of nerds!"
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Back: "I hate Taxi Cab!"
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Printed versions of Anarchistic Tendencies Part 1 - 5 $10-00
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Remember... donations to Evil Angels are NOT tax deductible,
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but will help rid the world of nerds!
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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This months' competition:
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Can you guess who this is?
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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This phallic-shaped trophy (engraved "Gawden's One Inch") is
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the Noballs Prize, and will be awarded each issue by a count
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of votes. See below for details.
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___________
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| _/ . \_
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| / . \_
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| /. . \
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| / . . \
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___ | ###| #### . \
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/ | \ | # #| # ## ____ |
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/ \ | # ##### ## / \ |
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|=.-'=| /___| # / # #######| | |
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|=.=-.| \ #_/ # # / __, | |
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| | / ### # | | | |
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XXXXXXXXX / ##### / | |
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XXXXXXXXXXX | \ _/ | |
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########### \_____/\ | / |
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--------------------------------- \ | | /
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| _____________________________ | __| \ | |
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| | | __/ |__/ |
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| | _/ __ |
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| | __/ ____/ | /
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| | What kinda computa |_______/| | | | |
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| | u got man? Got any | || || | |_| | |
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| | calling cards, nuis, |_|| ||_| _/ |
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| | or other phreaky things? | | / /
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| | | | ___/ |
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| | | | \__ _-----|
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| | | | \ / ( ) \
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| | | | /----/ ( O ) \
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| | | | / (_) |
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| | | | | _______ |
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| | | | | / \_ |
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| | | | / / _ | |
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| |___________________________| | | / ( ) | |
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\ AMIGA 1000 / |_/ ( O ) | \
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\_____________________________/| _/( ) (_) / |
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| _____ _____/ ( O ) _/ |
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+---------------++-(____ \__/ _ (_) _/ _ |
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| +---+ ||(_____ | ( ) _/ ( ) |
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| ====| _ |==== |(_____ |( O ) / ( O ) |
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| o +---+ || (____ | (_) _____/ (_) |
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+---------------++---(____/|_______/| FP'88|
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We would like to hear your opinions on who would be
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the most deserving nerd on the boards. Please register
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your vote, and next issue we'll award Gawden's One Inch to
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the person with the most votes. One vote per person please.
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Second, Who do you think the above picture is of?
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Send your vote and guess at the nerd's identity to:
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Evil Angels,
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C/o The Twilite Zone,
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562-0686.
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Winners will be notified by E-Mail, and will be
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posted in the next issue.
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
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Anarchistic Tendencies V
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(C) October 1988
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YOU HAVE NO GODDAMNMUTHAFUKING RIGHTS!
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**************************************
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* NO PART OF THIS FILE MAY BE *
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* PUBLISHED IN MASS MEDIA WITHOUT *
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* THE AUTHORS' WRITTEN PERMISSION *
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* AND HALF OF THE AUTHORS DON'T *
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* KNOW HOW TO WRITE. THE OTHER HALF *
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* ARE USUALLY DRUNK! *
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* *
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* - That's a god-dammed warning *
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* *
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**************************************
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::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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YOURMOTHERSUCKSCOCKSINHELL
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::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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Disclaimer: The authors have gone to a hell of a lot of trouble to ensure
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that this file contains no offensive material. However, should you find
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anything which you object to, STIFF SHIT! You can't sue us!
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This file is written with the intent of producing a humorous
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file which will be enjoyed by everyone, and no offence is intended towards
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any person or persons however much they are mentioned.
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So kiss my ass Vagababy!
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