115 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
115 lines
5.5 KiB
Plaintext
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| File #3 in an endless series: |
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| _____________________ |
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| | What is a Yuppie? | |
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| | --AKA-- | |
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| | Real 'Yups' don't | |
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| | dive buick regals | |
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| |_____________________| |
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| By Uncle Stimey. Inspired by Dean Cooledge |
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|_____________________________________________|
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What is a Yuppie? Well, a Yuppie is an extention on the acrynom, YUP,
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which stands for Y)oung U)rban P)rofessional. Yuppies are usually thought of
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as the type of people who own BMWs and Macs, but a Yuppie isn't just a
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definition brought on by material value, Yuppism is best discribed by the way a
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person acts. Having a BMW is not a true sign of a Yuppie, but wearing black
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leather driving gloves and a Alexander Julian shirt while "crusin'" in is a
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definite sign. Again, having a Mac. is not a sign of being a Yuppie, but
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inviting friends over to see how many columns that they can fit into their
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spreadsheet is.
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Now that we know about the attitude that a Yuppie has toward life, lets
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look into the typical day of a teenage Yuppie in the Winter. It's Friday, the
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day before a three day weekend.
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6:05am The alarm clock goes off for the second time. (Note: the
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average Yuppie snooze-bar time is 7.3 minutes.)
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6:10am By this time, a yuppie is out of his pajamas and into the
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shower for a nice warm "waker-upper."
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6:15am The Yuppie's shower is over and he's off the the breakfast
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room where his mother has been making sunny-side-up eggs
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for the last half hour.
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6:35am After a brief conversation about their stocks, it's off to
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school for the little Yup.
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6:51am The Yuppie arives for school. He would of been there at
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6:50am, but it took him two tries to start the BMW.
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6:58am Our friend is now in his first class for the day: Speech.
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(Note: this is a public speech class, all speech problems
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are seen to by a private speech therapist.)
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7:00am This is the time where our friend prides himself on the one
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dominant thing in his life. Money. Anyone with money can
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pass their first four classes: Speech, Eng ][ ('A' track),
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French ][ ('A' track) [real Yuppies don't take Spanish],
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and Chemistry (yes, 'A' track). Although a total of 30
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minutes has been devoted to "breaks" between classes, a
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Yuppie never wastes time unless he has a good reason.
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10:30am This is the typical lunch time of 'preparatory' schools.
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Any self respecting 'Yup' takes this time go to the bank
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and to get gas for his BMW. [real Yuppies don't waste time
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eating unless their fondue pot is ready]
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11:30am Lunch time is over for the 'Yup,' but his school time isn't.
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Our friend goes on to his last two classes of the day:
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Pre-Calculus [Yuppies take Geom. in summer-school] and his
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most culture filled class: Chorus. (our example Yuppie is
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a soprano)
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1:45pm School is our for the day. The Yuppie meets with some
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(all?) of his friends and begins to plan his three day week-
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end.
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3:20pm Yuppies, being as efficient as they are, at this time, have
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decided to go to Aspen for the weekend. Kip has the car
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(Mercedes 500 sel) and Dean has the cabin (a two story
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mansion made out of wood).
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3:37pm Home at last. He would of been home sooner, but the garage
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door opener hasn't been working too well, so he has to get
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out of his car and ask Raul to open the garage door for
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him. (Note: Raul was given a $.25 tip to make it worth his
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time.)
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3:46pm After a chat with his dad (who is home at noon because that
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is the time when the stock market closes) it's off to his
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room for a good 3 hours (45 minutes for each 'solid') of
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homework.
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6:52pm Homework is done and it's dinner time for our subject. The
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meal for tonight is Veal with a choice of three vegetables,
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two cold soups, and three types of bread. (Note: this meal
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was made by Rosa.)
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8:00pm The set dinner time is over and it's off to bed for another
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'Yup' child. It's too bad that he's going to Aspen in the
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morning, because there is a heck of a football game on the
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'tube' tomorow.
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By this time you should have an understanding of Yuppism and feeling that
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you are sick to your stomache. So, here is the final part of this file on
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Yuppies:
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Y U P P I E D O ' S A N D D O N T S . . .
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Yuppie: Yes | No
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------- | -------
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BMW | Buick
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Mac | IBM
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Cusinart | Cheese Grater
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Jockey Underwear | Boxer shorts
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Leather | Vinyl
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Aspen | Snow-Bowl
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Wine Spritzers | Beer
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Diet 7-Up | Coke
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Lavosche | Pizza
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____________________________________________
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| Thanks to 'Spiffy' of the BAC Pac, and |
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| SPECIAL thanks to Dean Cooledge for all |
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| the ideas. -=*Uncle Stimey*=- |
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|____________________________________________|
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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