94 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
94 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
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**** The Woody Sketch ****
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**** From Monty Python's Flying Circus ****
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**** Transcribed 1/1/88 by Jonathan Partington ( JRP1@PHX.CAM.AC.UK ) ****
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**** continued from BANTER PYTHON ****
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Scene: a 1920s-style drawing room
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Chapman: I say!
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Cleveland: Yes, Daddy?
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Chapman: Croquet hoops look dam' pretty this afternoon.
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Cleveland: Frightfully damn pretty.
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Idle (as her mother): They're coming along *awfully* well this year.
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Chapman: Yes, better than your Aunt Lavinia's croquet hoops.
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Cleveland: Ugh! Dreadful tin things.
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Idle: I did tell her to stick to wood.
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Chapman: Yes, you can't beat wood. Gorn.
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Idle: What's gone, dear?
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Chapman: Nothing, nothing -- just like the word, it gives me confidence.
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Gorn. Gorn -- it's got a sort of *woody* quality about it. Gorn.
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Go-o-orn. Much better than 'newspaper' or 'litter bin'.
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Cleveland: Ugh! Frightful words!
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Idle: Perfectly dreadful!
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Chapman: 'Newspaper' -- 'litter bin' -- 'litter bin' -- dreadful *tinny* sort
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of word.
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(Cleveland screams)
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Chapman: Tin, tin, tin.
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Idle: Oh, don't say 'tin' to Rebecca, you know how it upsets her.
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Chapman: Sorry, old horse.
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Idle: 'Sausage.'
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Chapman: 'Sausage'! There's a good woody sort of word, 'sausage'. 'Gorn.'
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Cleveland: 'Antelope!'
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Chapman: Where? On the lawn?
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Cleveland: No, no, Daddy. Just the word.
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Chapman: Don't want antelope nibbling the hoops.
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Cleveland: No, no -- 'ant-e-lope'. Sort of nice and woody type of thing.
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Idle: Don't think so, Becky old chap.
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Chapman: No, no -- 'antelope' - 'antelope', *tinny* sort of word.
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(Cleveland screams)
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Chapman: Oh, sorry old man.
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Idle: Really, Mansfield.
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Chapman: Well, she's got to come to terms with these things. 'Seemly.'
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'Prodding.' 'Vac-u-um.' 'Leap.'
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Cleveland: Oh -- hate 'leap'.
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Idle: Perfectly dreadful.
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Cleveland: Sort of PVC sort of word, don't you know.
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Idle: Lower middle.
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Chapman: 'Bound!'
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Idle: Now you're talking!
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Chapman: 'Bound.' 'Vole!' 'Recidivist!'
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Idle: Bit *tinny*...
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(Cleveland screams and rushes out sobbing)
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Idle: Oh, sorry, Becky old beast.
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Chapman: Oh dear, I suppose she'll be gorn for a few days now.
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Idle: Caribou.
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Chapman: Splendid word!
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Idle: No, dear, nibbling the hoops.
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(Chapman fires a shotgun)
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Chapman (with satisfaction): Caribou -- gorn... 'Intercourse.'
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Idle: Later, dear.
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Chapman: No, no -- the word, 'intercourse'. Good and woody. 'Inter-course.'
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'Pert,' 'pert,' 'thighs,' 'botty,' 'botty,' 'botty' (getting excited),
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'erogenous zo-o-one'. Ha ha ha ha -- oh, 'concubine', 'erogenous
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zo-o-one', 'loose woman', 'erogenous zone'...
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(Idle calmly empties a bucket of water over Chapman)
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Chapman: Oh, thank you, dear. There's a funny thing, dear -- all the naughty
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words sound woody.
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Idle: Really, dear -- how about 'tit'?
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Chapman: Oh dear, I hadn't thought about that. 'Tit.' 'Tit.' Oh, that's very
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tinny, isn't it? 'Tit.' 'Tit.' Tinny, tinny.
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(Cleveland, who has just come in, screams and rushes out again)
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Chapman: Oh dear. 'Ocelot.' 'Was-p.' 'Yowling.' Oh dear, I'm bored. Better
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go and have a bath, I suppose.
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Idle: Oh really, must you, dear -- you've had nine today.
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Chapman: All right -- I'll sack one of the servants. Simpkins! Nasty tinny
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sort of name. SIMPKINS!
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(Enter Palin, in RAF uniform)
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Palin: I say, mater, cabbage crates coming over the briny.
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Idle: Sorry dear, don't understand.
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Palin: Er -- cow-catchers creeping up on the conning towers?
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Idle: No, sorry old sport.
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Palin: Um -- caribou nibbling at the croquet hoops.
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Idle: Yes, Mansfield shot one in the antlers.
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**** end of file WOOD PYTHON 1/20/88 ****
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From: JRP1@PHX.CAM.AC.UK
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To: Clarinet@YALEVM
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