52 lines
2.0 KiB
Plaintext
52 lines
2.0 KiB
Plaintext
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Welfare Bloopers Fare Well
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The following excerpts are drawn from letters written by citizens applying
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for payments from a state welfare agency. Some readers might question my taste
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in using these applications. My answer is that I am an equal opportunmity
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collector, and I believe that all members of our society should have the chance
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to contribute bloopers to Anguished English:
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* I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
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* In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins
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in the enclosed envelope.
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* I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate.
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This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
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* Unless I get my money soon I will be forced to live an immortal life.
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* You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make a
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difference?
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* I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of
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which is a mistake as you can see.
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* I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
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* I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born.
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* Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited
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regularly by the clergy
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* Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now
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living with can't eat or do anything until he knows.
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* In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10
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pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
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* I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children I have on
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half a sheet of paper.
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* My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had
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any relief since.
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* I want my money as quick as I can get it. I've been in bed with the
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doctor for two weeks now and he doesn't do me any good. If things
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don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
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