67 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
67 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
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T H E
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B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N
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...Presents...
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Where the missing socks from the laundry go
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by Snarastaman
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We have always wondered where our missing socks disappear to when we lose
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them in the wash. Now, I have discovered the dark evil secret.
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From the writer of Ernie and Bert: The Solution to the Eternal Mystery comes...
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Where the Missing Socks Go
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The secret is actually not very difficult to comprehend when handed to you
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on a platinum platter. Brace yourself: THEY FALL BEHING THE WASHER+DRYER!!
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Well, that's it. So long.
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Wait, that seems too cheap.I shall elaborate.
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When you do the laundry, you will notice that there is a frightful period
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during which your oh-so-kool Girbauds and designer felt underwear are not in
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either machine. It is while transferring them that the renegade socks make their
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daring escapes. Soaking and shrivelled, they leap from the pile of clothes and
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float peacefully in the air for a fraction of a second. Then, they land on the
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ground, safely hidden in the dark crevice behind the washing machine.
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Here, they set up colonies. They are free to obey no law but that which
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they create. They are far more liberal than normal, drawer-dwelling
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socks. Because there are rarely 2 from the same pair, they are all one large
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family unit. They formulate vastly complex plans to overthrow the conformist
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clothes, who are content to be worn and dirtied, then cleansed again in a
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never ending cycle of martyrdom. The escapee socks have realized that they are
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free to choose their own destiny, that they do not have to be worn and
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violated.
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The main goal of the fugitive socks is to maintain happiness within the
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colony, yet to make others aware of their plight. However, few socks refuse to
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listen. Advertising the escapist colony accounts for much of the time spent by
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its members. Various "special task force" sock groups have been organized to
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attack laundry loads in hopes of rescuing just one more victim who does not
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realize what is best for him. They live to further the cause of sockdom, the
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ideals of freedom and democracy. They know they must save the sock race, because
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it will only remain subservient to the humans if not liberated by its
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enlightened members.
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Thus far, the radical socks have not been succesful. People are still
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wearing socks, which means the majority of socks just sit around all day,
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clinging to sweaty feet, then going to the hamper to listen to sock WZOU and
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not care about the future of their race. Meanwhile, the rebel socks fight
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against injustice, conformity and passivism in a never-ending struggle for
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liberation.
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Hospital for Premature babies with Cabbage between their ears. (Hi Wek)
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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(C) 1991 by TriWorld (Un)Limited & The Durex Blender Corporation
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All Rights Curiously Examined And Contemplated
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"Oozing and Pulsating things are better left untouched."
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