40 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
40 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
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New York, Boston, and everywhere else east of California is:
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WHERE DOGS ACTUALLY HAVE CORRODED THROUGH 1200 FIRE HYDRANTS.
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WHERE 'GETTING BACK TO NATURE' MEANS SPRAYING AGAINST COCKROACHES.
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WHERE THERE EXISTS A LOCALITY NAMED 'BRONX' WHICH WHEN TRANSLATED FROM THE
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LOCAL INDIANS MEANS: 'GEE CHIEF, THE TREES AROUND HERE ARE ALL DEAD.'
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WHERE AFTER EVERY ROSE BOWL GAME FRED SAYS TO ETHEL 'HOT DANG ETHEL WE'RE
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MOVING TO CALIFORNY'.
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WHERE PEOPLE MUST SELL HAY TO GATHER ENOUGH MONEY TO FEED THE CAT
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WHERE PEOPLE ALWAYS WHERE BLACK SOCKS
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WHERE PEOPLE SPEND $2000 ON VACATIONS JUST TO GET A TAN
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WHERE YOU GOT TO PLUG YOUR NOSE TO ENTER ANYBODY'S HOUSE BECAUSE THEIR WINDOWS
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HAVEN'T BEEN OPENED SINCE LAST AUGUST.
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WHERE THEY ACTUALLY HAVE INDOOR SWIMMING POOLS
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THE SANITATION DEPARTMENT, DEPENDING ON TRAFFIC DUMPS THE GARBAGE IN EITHER
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THE LOCAL FEDERAL BIRD SANCTUARY OR THE LOCAL FRESH WATER SUPPLY
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WHERE THE COZY APARTMENT FIREPLACE IS ACTUALLY A 60 WATT BULB SURROUNDED BY
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RED CELLOPHANE AND PLASTIC BRICK
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WHERE PEOPLE LOOK HALF DEAD BECAUSE THEY'RE SO PALE.
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WHERE YOU HAVE TO WEAR A TIE EVAN IF YOU'RE AN ENVELOPE-LICKER
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WHERE SUMMER ACTIVITIES INCLUDE APARTMENT FLY SWATTING CONTESTS.
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WHERE YOU PAY RENT ALL YOUR LIFE EVEN IF YOUR RICH.
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WHERE DISCO GOT STARTED
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WHERE YOU CAN GET MUGGED ON CHRISTMAS.
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WHERE PEOPLE LIKE GARBAGE STRIKES.
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WHERE ALL LITTLE KIDS PLAY IN GUTTERS AND BIG KIDS PLAY IN SEWERS.
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WHERE THEY DRINK 'AIRANGE JUICE' INSTEAD OF ORANGE JUICE.
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WHERE THEY THINK EVERYONE ELSE TALKS FUNNY.
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WHERE HORSERACETRACKS ARE LOCATED WHERE THE 'SEWER MEETS THE SURF'.
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WHERE THE AVERAGE FRONT LAWN IS DIRTY POLLUTED SNOW
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WHERE PEOPLE ARE ADMIRED TO SEE WHOSE GOLD CHAIN NECKLACE IS THE FAKEST
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WHERE AN ADMIRABLE PASTIME IS RIDING SHOTGUN ON GARBAGE TRUCKS
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WHERE THE WELFARE OF THE WHOLE TOWN DEPENDS ON ONE STEEL MILL
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WHERE YOUR INCOME IS LIMITED TO 20 GRAND UNLESS YOU WHERE A VEST
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WHERE YOU'LL NEVER SEE A 'WELCOME TO CLEVELAND NOW GO HOME' STICKER
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WHERE PEOPLE ARE INSANELY JEALOUS OF THE WEST COAST
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C.O.1985
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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