95 lines
4.6 KiB
Groff
95 lines
4.6 KiB
Groff
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From davet@hrc63.co.uk Sat May 13 09:31:20 1989
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From: davet@hrc63.co.uk (Dave Thorpe)
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Subject: Nigel The Hedgehog, part one
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Path: Gary > Davet > sophy > kelly > cmw > kelvin > aktar > denis >
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Gary > davet
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The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Chapter one
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Nigel was no ordinary hedgehog. He was a 'super' hedgehog, with
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extra-ordinary powers. Everything about him was sharp - his needles,
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his hearing, his eyes.
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And in other's eyes too - Nigel was no ordinary hedgehog. They looked
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up to him and respected his deep sensitive nature. For nigel was their
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hero.
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One of his most amazing qualities was his ability to cross roads. He
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was the only hedgehog in the neighbourhood who had learnt the Green
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Cross Code.
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It was thus, equiped with these abilites (and more as you will see as
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the story unfolds), that Nigel set out from the family den (<- this
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word is under dispute, it could be 'set', 'burrow', 'nest' or something
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else, find out and correct it later) or whatever hedgehogs live in and
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started down the long and hazardous path towards his goal.
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Da road was long, an he strode down it like a man ( or at least - like a
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hedgehog ). Da vehicles just seemed to fly past him, never touching, never
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stopping, in his life, none ever had. But this day was not to be like any
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other, a Huge vehicle thundered towards him ....
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Sitting high above the road encapsuled securely in the cab of his
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juggernaut sat Barry. He lay back langorously, one hand on the wheel,
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the other grasping his Yorkie bar rapaciously. When he caught sight of
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Nigel striding boldly down the road he instinctively let go of his
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chocolate and reached up to put another mark on his 'killer sheet'.
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"Got ya, you bastard!", he cried in anticipation. Unfortunately he did not
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recognise Nigel, whose external appearance was very similar to any 'normal'
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hedgehog. Nigel stared Barry straight in the eyes and peremptorily
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declared "My needles of steel will deflect your vehicle with ease." Barry
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swept forward regardless of Nigel's warning and crash!, his van fell into a
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huge pothole that he had hitherto been ignorant of. This was lucky for Nigel
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because in actual fact his needles werent steel at all. You see as a nipper
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he had fallen into a huge vat of bulls' excrement and ever since he became
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very fond of saying things that werent strictly true.
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As Barry and his juggernaut tumbled down the bottomless ravine a wry smile
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could be seen forming on Nigel's lips (provided you were looking).
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He delved into what he regrded as his 67.45 litre rucksack to pull out yet
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another packet of Macoy's Traditional Cheese Flavoured crisps. He ate,
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slowly, relishing the strong, overpowering aroma that arose as each crisp
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entered his mouth. He moved to the hard shoulder picked out his hedge-o-fax
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and resolutely ticked off one more lorry driver from his list - 57 897 drivers
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killed to date. He did not believe in Bullshitting to anyone about anything.
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Travelled the world he had and the stickers on his rucksuck proved it so who
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cared if he wore dentures! He got up, manured the roadside as he had done
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in so many previous countries and moved on...
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Unfortunately,
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Nigel knew that his long run of good luck was inevitably going to walk,
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for Nigel knew that his gay lover from Glasgow was after revenge. Ronny,
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Nigel's Scottish lover was like no lover Nigel had ever loved. No, it
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wasn't that Ronny was a sheep that was particularily strange to the outsider
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(anything goes nowadays), or that Ronny was a closet transvestite
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(anything goes nowadays), or that he worked in a slezy strip-bar Thurday
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nights (anything goes nowadays), no Ronny was jealous, madly jealous, possibly
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even insanly jealous (no I wouldn't quite go that far). That one
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winter's night spent together on that long hard shoulder in beautiful
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embrace, was something which Ronny just couldn't get out of his mind.
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Ronny wanted Nigel. He wanted him so bad. He ...
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...well, sort of fancied Nigel.
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But Nigel had better things to do. He rarely reflected upon Ronny. For he
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did not (and had never) needed Ronny. His love was for innocent people,
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those caught in the jungle of life - he strived to make the world a better
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place through his very self. And his love of people was rewarded by the people
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loving Nigel back. And he knew this, and felt proud of it. He didn't need
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material love like normal mortals - he had higher love!
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Others didn't think so. Far, far away, jealously was stirring and setting off
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to murder our dear friend Nigel. Evil happenings were afoot...
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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