264 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
264 lines
7.9 KiB
Plaintext
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(formatted for 80-column viewing - lowercase)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&
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G-Men Inc. Presents.......
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&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$
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1 000 1
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1 0 0 1
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1 0 0 1 w w w a y y ssss
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1 0 0 1 w w w a a y y sss
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1 0 0 1 w w a a a yy sss
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1 000 1 w w a a yy ssss
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TO KILL YOURSELF!
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-----------------
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G-Men Inc. is a new company that will be racking out the text files! To
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start off we will have - 101 ways TO KILL YOURSELF!
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In case you decide to commit suicide or just want something to do when the
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boards are busy, try the ideas listed here for extreme pleasure and a phun life.
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101 ways to kill thy self...
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----------------------------
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1) try soaking your head in a bucket of ammonia. in 5 minutes, if you are
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still alive, repeat as necessary till dead...
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2) cut your balls off (if you have them)
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3) cut your head off with a razor blade and go into extreme ecstacy
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4) drink a gallon of JD with a dab of Nitrogrycerin and jump up and down
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vigirously
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5) fart in a balloon and light a match
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6) eat the stuff between your toes with a teaspoon of pepper and a drop of
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vinegar
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7) fart in front of the meanest, fattest, teacher while bending over to
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pick up the pencil that you mistakenly (yeah, right!) dropped
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8) eat shit and die.....
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9) try inhaling a fart right out of your own asshole....
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10) fuck Ronald Reagan-
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11) or his wife.....
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12) try to do the running long jump over the Hudson river
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13) or maybe try skydiving underwater......
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14) try to katch the first nuclear missle headed towards the U.S.A.
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15) sit on a pitchfork
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16) cement yourself into the Great Wall of China
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17) attach yourself to the Good Year Blimp
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18) buy a $400 piece of software and then find it up on the AE the next day
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19) plug your ass with a cork and stand at the edge of a cliff and fart
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20) slide down a banister with a long, fat spike at the end
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21) slide down a razor blade
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22) fuck a slut that has a pair of scisssors up her cunt
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23) take a bath with 1 (or 2) fingers in an electrical socket
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24) sit on an Exacto knife and spin!
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25) cross a highway blindfolded
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26) inspect the Space Shuttle's engines during takeoff
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27) do whatever your parents say...
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28) roll down the Empire State Building's stairway in a sleeping bag
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29) sleep late on a Saturday....
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30) not seeing that bullet heading straight between your eyes
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31) "Hey look! What's that knife in my stomach?"
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32) "No, no please don't! Please don't push me off this ----", smack!
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splash! gargle... thump.
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33) eat that cake that's been sitting in the fridge for 2 months
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34) "Hey Jack, eat that colony of green stuff moving across your plate!"
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35) Stick a straw in a septic tank and take a sip.
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36) try skiing over a tree (or around it, or under it, or into it)
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37) try katching a spiked boomerang...
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38) try picking your brain via your nose...
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39) squeeze yourself into a microwave (and don't forget to turn it on [duh!])
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40) listen to E.F. Hutton
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41) leap off a 20 story building onto a sharpened steel sewage grating
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42) sleep at the bottom of an elevator shaft
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43) stick your hand ,or foot if desired, in a food processor
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44) get your ear caught in the spokes of your bike while riding down a hill
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45) stick your hand in a paper shredder
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46) have your car compacted at a junkyard, and give the guy a buck to let you
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sleep in it
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47) sit on a scorpion
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48) get your head caught in a beehive
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49) sleep in your washing machine (or dryer for extra fluffyness)
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50) loose the only key to your father's brand new Rolls Royce
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51) sleigh ride off your roof
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52) straddle a 'No Parking' sign
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53) drink a gallon of gasoline and have some tabasco sauce
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54) fall asleep at the bottom of a garbage incinerator [you know, the shutes
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you throw the garbage down if you live in a high rise]
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55) skydive into an exploding volcano (if you live through this, contact me
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on the Circus BBS 201-592-0456)
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56) cement yourself into the middle of a highway
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57) volunteer to be a subway brake
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58) light a smoke bomb and swallow.!$%&*!^%*#&$*?%!@.?
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59) drag yourself along the road, hanging on the back of a Mack truck
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60) wait at the bottom of the Empire State Building while your friend drops a
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spear off the top, straight through the center of your head (and the rest of
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you)
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61) glue yourself to the way bottom of an ocean liner [while it's going]...
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62) lounge in a pool obNasoline and light that big fat cigar in your mouth
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63) climb up the telefone pole and lick the electric wires
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64) look in the mirror [ha ha! just kiddin'!]
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65) go to Russia
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66) slingshot yourself into the Sun [not quite..]
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67) put some iodine crystals in a whoopy cushion - sit on it!
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68) volunteer to be a nuclear warhead
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69) <- eat your girlfriend out when she uses a sulfuric acid douche
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70) eat a piece of Uranium
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71) lick a scientist's chemical lab table before he cleans up!
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72) get your nose caught in an exhaust pipe while the car is running
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73) go swimming while wearing Mr.T's heavy jewelery around thy neck
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74) run a razor blade down the middle of your face!
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75) take a chainsaw, cut your head into thirds
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76) get caught on the nose of the Concorde
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77) in your science class, turn on all the gas outlets, light a match
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78) get drunk and be processed through a doughnut molding factory
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79) volunteer to rent out your head as a soccer ball
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80) eat your school cafeteria's poison of the day
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81) slurp nuclear waste
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82) stab yourself in 100 (and 1) places
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83) try to swallow a (King) Cobra
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84) get your arm caught in the wheel of a train
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85) your running 40 m.p.h. - your foot katches onto a bloody sewage grating
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- you trip and fall - 40 m.p.h. - on your face!
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86) bend both your knees and elbows - backwards! [snap!]
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87) ski off a cliff
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88) shuv a pipebomb up your ass
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89) fart and smell up a crowded elevator [watch the reaction!] - announce
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that you let it go - kiss your ass goodbye!
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90) cut your circulation off with a giant Band-Aid (tm)
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91) mail yourself to the smallest P.O. box in the country
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92) pick a fight with Sylvester Stallone
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93) try to catch a Roadrunner
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94) beat the shit out of yourself [take a spaz!]
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95) you take a final relaxing dip in a pool of gasoline - you hang yourself
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from a branch of a tree - light the bonfire under you!
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96) tie each of your ankles to the bumper of 2 cars and let them back out
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in different directions - Slowly!
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97) go to your local deli and by mistake put your best hand on the meat
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slicer, and of course turn it on - press down firmly as the slices of your hand
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fall neatly into the palm of the other hand
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98) try writing this G-Phile
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99) put it this way - commit suicide!
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100) Do all of the above [in order!]
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*101*) Try to kill yourself and it will work!
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Watch for more G-Philes from $G-Men$
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coming soon to a nearby BBS or AE....
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____________________________________________________________________________
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Disclaimer: This phile was tested and certified for acutual use. If any
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problems occur, let me know and you will get a full refund. Good Luck!
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_____________________________________________--------_______________________
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G-Men Inc. consists of APPLESMASH and THE INTRUDER. Call
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The Circus BBS 201-592-0456 and The Protestors Shack AE/BBS/Catfur
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512-396-0780.
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(the authors of this phile take no responsibility whatsoever for any injuries
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and/or deadly accidents occuring as a result of stupidness.)
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-=-=-=-=-=-=- Copywrong (X) 1985-86 by G-Men Inc. -=-=-=-=-=-=-
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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