69 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
69 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
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Horoscopes for Philosophy Graduate Students
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By Lije
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Aries (March 21--April 19)
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Emphasis on work, deadlines. Now would be a good time
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to do more reading. Drinking more than 7 cups of coffee today
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probably not a good idea. Be trenchant!
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Taurus (April 20--May 20)
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Carefully check the premises and inferences of your latest
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argument. Don't neglect your foreign languages.
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Do more work on your papers or your thesis.
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Gemini (May 21--June 20)
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You'll find yourself fantasizing about leaving grad
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school and becoming a carpenter, or even a lawyer.
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You're behind schedule. Today would be a good
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day to try to get more work done.
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Cancer (June 21--July 22)
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Your arguments are subtly flawed, and everything you're
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doing is worthless. Today would be a good day to get more work done.
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Dead philosopher plays role.
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Leo (July 23--Aug. 22)
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Beware of sectionees' sexual harassment grievances. Today would be a good
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day to suck up to a professor. Job market fears figure prominently.
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Get back to work!
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Virgo (Aug. 23--Sept. 22)
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Emphasis on thesis, work, classes, incompletes, procrastination.
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Depression not at all inappropriate at this time.
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Stress careful exegesis and critical assessment of texts.
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Libra native finds devasting objection to your best argument.
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Libra (Sept. 23--Oct. 22)
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Don't bother preparing for section, you can wing it anyway.
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Hours will be wasted gossiping in lounge.
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Lunar aspect highlights unfinished books.
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Scorpio (Oct. 23--Nov. 21)
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Problems in love relationship due to being philosophy grad student.
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Adopt air of bored sophistication.
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Grade term papers! Leo native begs question.
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Sagittarius (Nov. 22--Dec. 21)
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Green light flashes for trying to get more work done.
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Member of opposite sex annoyed by focus on work.
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Career prospects unpromising. Cancer would be better.
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Capricorn (Dec. 22--Jan. 19)
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Deep-seated confusion pervades your philosophical views.
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Careful attention to Wittgenstein may induce writing
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block. Spread rumors about who's getting jobs where.
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Requirements figure prominently.
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Aquarius (Jan. 20--Feb. 18)
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Thesis looms, considerations from seemingly distant areas of philosophy
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relevant. A little hand-waving goes a long way. Back up your discs!
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Moon in Gemini means this time, like all other times, is inauspicious.
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Pisces (Feb. 19--March 20)
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Now is time to `go meta', question what you're doing and
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why you're doing it. Undermine philosophical motivations,
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theories. Regress threatens.
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Study Cancer message for valuable clue.
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--
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